Dealing with job frustration

LindaS · September 2004

I'm wondering how all of you handle the compounding frustration brought on by your employees. I am becoming increasingly frustrated and find my patience level wearing thin.

I know that HR deals with many emotional situations and I try to assist the employees the best that I can but I am tired of being the one that is constantly the brunt of their anger. Whether it be following the safety regulations, attendance issues, performance issues, FMLA, leave of absence, etc. I am the one that gets the majority of the anger.

I try to come to work each day with a good attitude but usually within the first 30 minutes things take a turn for the worse.

How do all of you continue to put a smile on your face?

HRinNH · September 2004

It sounds like you're the most available person for them to dump on. They probably aren't angry at you, just frustrated with they system like the rest of us.

Bring in some aromatherapy candles and a large box of dark chocolate... everything will be all right! Hope your day improves! xhugs

Balloonman1 · September 2004

The dark chocolate definitely helps. Another thing, if you do not exercise regularly you might look at starting. Exercise is a wonderful stress reducer.
Also a nice cold gin and tonic can go a long way, or a tall cold one, even a glass of wine....at night :-)
Do you take a lunch? Do you leave your office? Get away even for just 20 minutes can do wonders.
My $0.02 worth.
DJ The Balloonman

POPEYE · September 2004

LindaS, I'm sure we all feel your pain and know exactly how you feel. I sometimes leave the office questioning why on earth am I here. However, I then immediately move my thoughts to Sally Jo who thanks me all of the time for helping her with an insurance problem. Or Billy Jim Bob who almost every day thanks me for giving him an opportunity to have a job. And then there is Susie who brings me tootsie rolls all of the time because I took 5 minutes to talk to her son about the importance of showing up at work every day. Those little things seem to overshadow all of the other stuff and help me survive.

Rockie · September 2004

I agree with the exercise and the getting away from work. If I am super busy and I don't at least go out for a few minutes, I can really tell the difference.

PS Don't feel bad....I am having one of those weeks also.

ray a · September 2004

Funny, I just emailed a friend saying I wish I could retire and get rid of all these work related headaches. Sometimes, it seems the more you do for people, the more they expect and the more they complain. When I get really down, I wander over to one of my peers I trust and who understands some of the politics I have to deal with. Usually, five minutes talking to one of them helps. But, the biggest help is this forum. The friendships I've developed here have been a great encouragement along with the advice and the realization I'm not alone, that others often deal with the exact same problems.

Don D · September 2004

Linda: Another important consideration for you is deciding which side of the HR front-line you are most comfortable with. If you are fortunate, there is a choice between being an HR record keeper, dealing primarily with paper and process and a multitude of non-people-contact issues. Or, you might choose the role that has you constantly walking the floor, interracting with all manner of issues and opportunities. I like both roles on occasion and luckily can choose either, depending on which side of the bed I got up on.

Try telling yourself each morning when your left foot hits company pavement: "I can't wait to tackle this day. I hope I can solve just one people issue and make the company's bottom line better or somebody's day better. I will not allow myself to be negatively affected by negative vibes from others."

Don't be afraid to say, "John, you are aware of the work rules." Don't hesitate to say, "Joan, we've gone over that three times and I cannot change the benefits policy." Feel free to say, "Nicole, the policy is very clear on that. This was your third warning. I can't change that for you." or "Festus, the safety rules are what they are. You violated one, it went in your file, we move on. Can I help with anything else today?"

I don't mean to suggest that we should have hide as tough as a rhino, but a certain degree of impenetrable skin is essential for survival. And it varies from animal to animal.

rad · September 2004

I smoke, although I do not recommend that as a stress reducer. But it works for me. If nothing else, the craving gets me to leave my desk every few hours and go outside.

The exercise suggestion is the best; I try to take a walk at lunch time every day unless the weather is real bad. I walk to work every day, its about a mile. The walk in the morning gets my blood moving and wakes me up, the walk home winds me down and allows me to get everything out of my mind and not take it home with me.

Whatever · September 2004

The biggest thing I do for myself is take a long walk at lunch. Usually I walk along the water.
I try to get out of the office by 4:30 each day particularly during the time year when it is still daylight out. This means that since I normally get up at 5:30 am, I get to do a lot of the paperwork from home. My company subscribes to service called go to my pc, which allows me to use my office computer from home. However, it goes much more quickly because there are no interruptions (and that immediately means less stress). Finally, sometimes I just close the door, take out a tootsie roll pop and a very cuddly stuffed animal, close my eyes and relax for five minutes. Works wonders.

System · September 2004

When employees come in here to vent, it's usually because they're afraid of something so, naturally they're defensive. I immediately mentally put myself in their shoes. If you do that, you'll be able to sense what the real problem is and you can help diffuse it. The magic words are "I understand." It will go a little more smoothly after that.

Linda, we understand.

Don D · September 2004

x:-) Leave it to Sam to have 'shoes' in the solution! Which reminds me...put as much humor in your work day as you can possibly stuff into it. It will keep you more sane, more healthy and younger.

HRinNH · September 2004

I read recently that 20 seconds of laughter is the equivalent of 3 minutes of strenuous exercise. I'm all for that!

Don D · September 2004

I also read that, in some respects, sex is equivalent to exercise. But, that 20 seconds of laughter during sex is dangerous to one's health!

HRinNH · September 2004

you'll have to learn to keep the Sponge Bob boxers in the drawer then!

dchr9203 · September 2004

I think we all feel your pain! Why is it that employees and employers think that HR can do, be, fix, anything, and are phsychic to boot!? Exercise and nutrition are key. Then draw some boundaries. I personally absolutely will not allow anyone to vent "at" me. Everyone gets frustrated and angry, including myself, and I don't mind them sharing those frustrations, but I'm not their whipping post and I don't mind telling them that either, in a firm but polite manner. My expectation is I'll treat you with courtesy and respect, and by golly you'll do the same for me or get out of my office. Furthermore, I tell the petty complainers that if you don't like the rules, take positive steps to change them or find another job. My philosophy is if we live in daddy's house and he's signing the checks, then we can live by daddy's rules or get out. As for me, my last job got so furstrating because of those kinds of behaviors that I left. I dreaded going to work so badly that my attitude really sucked. I believe that in some companies the environment is just too sick to fix, or at best function in, and believe me, negativity and complaining is a "sickness" that infects the whole. If its so prevalent at your current employer that its wearing you down emotionally and physically, it may be time to investigate some other employment options.

KathiHR · September 2004

I agree that the big key is drawing boundaries. We all begin to recognize the 10% of the people who are going to use up 90% of our time if we let them. When one of "those people" calls or drops in on me to gripe, I tell them, "I've got 5 minutes. If you need more than that, you'll have to make an appt." They always tell me it will only take 5 min, I always have to tell them the 5 min are up, & they never make an appt. But at least I've got a boundary on their griping - I'm only listening to 5 min. I don't do that with everyone...only "those people."

I also close my door & let voice mail answer my calls a lot more often than I used to. I'm big on "open doors", but sometimes I just have to get a big project completed without interruptions, & that's what my closed door means.

And the older I get, the more value I place in something my dad, who was a very effective operations manager, taught me. He used to tell his employees "Your emergency is not necessarily going to become my emergency...Your crisis is not necessarily going to become my crisis... Your whatever (substitute whatever they're trying to dump on you)is not necessarily going to become my whatever." You'll save your sanity & be much more effective in your job by establishing some boundaries.

dchr9203 · September 2004

Got that right on closing the door and using voice mail. My replacement at the "sick" place I left made this big song and dance about how she was going to be available 5 days a week all during regular business hours. Keep in mind she was 1 of an HR staff of 1.5, who supported 40 managers and 350+ employees. HA! HA! HA! Guess who is now crying daily, calling me about her frustrations, and is burned up and out becuase she cannot possibly meet her own expectations, let alone theirs. I have to really restrain my "told you so!"

SamanthaQ · September 2004

You've got some really good suggestions here. I think this was mentioned above, but I find that I tend to take an employees anger personally when really it's their own fault and sometimes that needs to be pointed out. The policies are clear they just want to vent on someone.

The other thing that I'm working on is getting our supervisors to take more responsibility (or accountability) for attendance issues and HR policies. I find they tend to want to hand all that off to HR - but really it's their department and they need to be responsible to know the stuff and run it.

I agree with the others, for a quick fix chocolate is always good!

Crout · September 2004

- "My advice is to drink heavily."

- "When the goin' gets tough.................the tough get goin'"

Bluto Blutarsky

marc · September 2004

Good insight from your forum buddies. I like the window Samantha opened. It is real easy for others in your company's management structure to lay "blame" for issues on HR's doorstep or to look the other way and let EEs get away with not following procedures until HR catches them. That is wrong. All of management is in the same boat, for that matter, so are all of the EEs. It is easy for people to compartmentalize thier viewpoints and only work in the areas in which they are comfortable. Then it becomes some diligent HR persons job to "enforce" the policies and procedures and become the ogre. In reality, management should stand shoulder to shoulder and hold everyone accountable. The saying "we are all in this together" should be more prevalent than it appears to be.

LindaS · September 2004

Thanks to all for your insight and suggestions. Most days it is easy to just "shake it off" but recently there have been an increasing number of problems that are a direct result of upper management being too "nice" in the past and getting bit in the butt so now they are cracking down on issues and that is creating some real problems.

Thanks again for the support!

safety · September 2004

LindaS, your last post hit home and I can relate to it as this is exactly what is going on here.

safety · September 2004

LindaS I forgot to mention that when I have a really frustrating or challenging day I go home and beat the s*#@ out of my drums. While it is not an option for those who are without a drum set it seems to work for me. This activity can be considered exercise while at the same time a stress reliever as I can imagine the face or faces of those I'm dealing with on each drum head and I have a seven piece set.

HRratrace · September 2004

LindaS,

I am dealing with the exact same type of enviornment. Management has been to laxy daisy in the past and now they've created 115 hissy fit throwing children that I struggle with day in and day out. Some days are better than others.
If you ever need to vent, just look up my profile and shoot me an e-mail. I am always available to listen, compare notes and talk.

HRratrace, TN

Tish · September 2004

All great suggestions. I found when I first started in HR that I felt that I had to handle everything for everybody, hardly ever took a break of any kind, etc. Now I make sure I take my breaks and get out of the office and away from employee traffic areas. I needed the breaks and so do the EEs because I can better help them. I also structured an "open door" schedule. EEs are able to reach me from 9am - 11:30am and 1:30pm - 3:30pm second and third shift I will come in when they need me. It really helped me control the times of high frustration.

Good luck and know we all have felt or are feeling what you are.

ScorpioHR · September 2004

Sam,
How's this for a giggle? We were going to close our offices Monday due to Hurricane Ivan-When the powers that be decided on Sunday that we could be open, we called the employee's in to work. Yesterday and today I have been fielding call's from ee's wondering what "BONUS" we would give them for coming to work??? I wanted to SCREAM "you will keep your job and we will pay you for the day!!!" Instead, I had a few ciggies (probably 3 or 4 packs) took a deep breath and told them with a smile that I would take their concerns to management and see what could be done...I then went home (early) and rode my jet ski for a bit-I raced that puppy as fast as I trusted myself to go, I yelled bad words and when I was done, I felt better. Do you have a jet ski? Maybe that would help:DD

njjel · September 2004

I too believe a work place culture/history can be "sick". In many instances the tail is wagging the dog. I know folks have suggested looking for work elsewhere however that is not always so easy to do especially if you are an older HR person or if you do not have a degree. I wish I had a good answer for you. I do think some suggestions have been worthwhile and I hope you can look forward to brighter days.

mwild31 · September 2004

LindaS - I feel your pain/frustration. For the past 2 months, I've been working on putting our new health care package in place. It's been the most difficult renewal I've ever experienced. From learning the differences between a HRA and a HSA to self-funded, partially self-funded to fully funded options, FSA healthcare, FSA dependent care & the debit cards to go with to reviewing dental plans & finally determining which of the two brokers that presented to award the contracts with. All in all, we added 7 new plans this year & for the first time in our company's history, we asked the employees to pay a portion of their premium. During this intense process, I've still had to do my regular job with hiring, employee morale, losing some talented ee's (moved to different states), appraisal reviews, blah, blah, blah, blah. I've had people get irritated with me, get irritated with the company and/or just get plain old irritated with their lives. The kicker came last week when our President/CEO came to me & said, "Mandi, I don't mean to put pressure on you, but the fate of the company rests on your shoulders with bringing in talented, highly skilled upholsterers." Nice, huh? At this point, I'm spent - emotionally and physically. To recharge, I'm probably going to take a vacation here soon. Good luck - maybe the best thing to know is that you're not alone with frustrations, worries and burn-out. We all experience it - hang in there!

Rockie · September 2004

I had a rough day today again, but the COO had a worse one. He threw up his hands and said "I quit,I've had enough!" He then took his keys and said he was leaving...if he "had to work a 30 day notice,he would!"

After I got over my shock, he came slinking back to my office and said "I need some advice." I spent an hour and a half talking him off a ledge and getting him back where he needed to be.

Most meltdowns come from a culmination of frustration and it's always better to have a stress relief when you can. This guy keeps taking crap from his managers, solving their problems, taking on issues that need to be delegated, etc. He had just reached his boiling point.

I don't remember where I got my psychology degree, but it sure has come in handy!

Don D · September 2004

Safety: I heard someone suggest that the word 'Neighbors' can be substituted for the word 'drums'.

safety · September 2004

Don, that could have been me because the neighbors on both sides of me have drum sets. Neither of them are as good as mine though.

Dealing with job frustration

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