You have a bad HR mgr when...
Paul in Cannon Beach
4,703 Posts
You may want to check the credentials of your HR manager when...
1. The last time they offered an employee COBRA the employee ran screaming from the room.
2. When they heard the payroll department was being outsourced, they remarked, "Wow, I didn't even know they were GAY!"
3. When told they had to offer accommodation to a disabled applicant, they put them up at the Ramada Inn.
4. They always keep a copy of "HR for Dummies" on their desk.
5. Their only formal accreditation is a plaque that says "Winner 2001 HR FORUM HAIKU CONTEST" and an HR HERO t shirt.
6. They replaced the "Employee of the Month" program with a "Hottest Employee of the Month" award.
7. They don't understand "Dilbert" but they think "Family Circle" is HILARIOUS!
8. They show up for an internal investigation wearing a hospital gown and rubber gloves.
9. They often resolve employee disputes using sock puppets.
10. Their favorite expression is "What can I do you for?"
11. They end all exit interviews with "The tribe has spoken. Bring me your torch!"
Ok, I got got to a meeting. Feel free to add your own.
1. The last time they offered an employee COBRA the employee ran screaming from the room.
2. When they heard the payroll department was being outsourced, they remarked, "Wow, I didn't even know they were GAY!"
3. When told they had to offer accommodation to a disabled applicant, they put them up at the Ramada Inn.
4. They always keep a copy of "HR for Dummies" on their desk.
5. Their only formal accreditation is a plaque that says "Winner 2001 HR FORUM HAIKU CONTEST" and an HR HERO t shirt.
6. They replaced the "Employee of the Month" program with a "Hottest Employee of the Month" award.
7. They don't understand "Dilbert" but they think "Family Circle" is HILARIOUS!
8. They show up for an internal investigation wearing a hospital gown and rubber gloves.
9. They often resolve employee disputes using sock puppets.
10. Their favorite expression is "What can I do you for?"
11. They end all exit interviews with "The tribe has spoken. Bring me your torch!"
Ok, I got got to a meeting. Feel free to add your own.
Comments
Nice ones, Paul. As usual, Oregonians tend to be wittier than most... x;-)
Truly worthy of Letterman.
They get a tear drop tattoo for every person they dismiss.
Kidding!
But I do see myself on that list, but I'm not telling which ones! Thanks for the laugh!
- When you're sitting in their office, you notice a trap door under your chair.
James Sokolowski
HRhero.com
They think ADA, FMLA, FLSA are abbreviations for colleges that didn't make it the final four.
They issue a new "Policy Manual" that is just a bunch of photocopied HR HERO forum discussions.
They like to say that a lawsuit or two "keeps things interesting!"
They have never heard of an I-9 outside of their weekly bingo game.
They always make little "quote" hand signals whenever they use the terms employee morale, diversity training, or sexual harrassment.
>bunch of photocopied HR HERO forum discussions.
You know, that's not a bad idea!
Hey, I think I worked with that lady!
They refer to the Health Insurance Portability & Accountability Act as HIPPA.
They think that EEO is part of the chorus to "Farmer in the Dell".
Have I offended anybody yet? NO? OK, I'll keep trying.
Accountability Act as HIPPA."
What's worse it "HIPPO" and an accompanying picture of one. That appeared on memos at my last workplace.
They discuss employees' personal and health problems at meetings. In detail.
They begin every staff meeting by announcing loudly, "Ok, people, get ready to have your CHEESE MOVED BIG TIME!"
They hire a clown to improve staff morale.
They add $20,000 to their annual HR budget for "hush money".
Ever since reading "The One Minute Manager" they refuse to talk with anyone for more than 60 seconds.
They add "ster" to everyone's first name to demonstrate camraderie. Ex, "Hey Greggster, what's up?"
When they say "I just want you to do your job", but they have no idea what that is!
Oh, folks, I could go on. This place is an industrial psychologist's fantasy...
Sounds good to me. I like that one.
They won't terminate someone for downloading pornography labeled as if it might be underage but will fire the same person because they bad mouthed the company.
He thinks butt-patting is just a way to bond.
Interview questions are multiple choice.
Privacy notice includes sections on cross dressing and nose picking.
The "Workplace Violence" training video is produced by Mel Gibson.
The video on Forklift Safety is produced by Evel Knievel.
The video on Sexual Harassment is produced by Arnold Schwarzegger.
Sometimes I don't think that's such a bad idea!!