Merry Christmas
ray a
5,703 Posts
Dear Y'All,
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the
overwhelming population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North
American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now serve only certain areas of
Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. As part of the new and
better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so please
keep that in mind.
However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement who happens to be my 3rd cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of
the family is from the South pole. he shares my goals of delivering toys to
all the good boys and girls. however, there are a few differences between
us---such as:
1. There is no danger of The Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
he has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads, "These toys
insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children that
children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace
and Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead
of reindeer. I made a mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer 1 time,
and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, On Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, On Earnhardt, On Wallace, On Martin and
Labonte. On Rudd, On Jarrett, On Elliot & Petty.
5. "Ho ho ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to
have Bubbas elves respond, "I heard dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words"Back Off". The last
I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh as well. One is a Ford
Logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature
of me (Santa Claus) peeing on the tooth fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" &
"It's A Wonderful Life" WILL NOT be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see"Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit 4"
featuring Burt Reynolds and dozens of police cars crashing into one another.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If i were you, I'd make sure the wife
and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the
tree.
9. And finally, lovely, Christmas songs have been about me like "Rudolph the
Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." This
year songs about bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in
the South. Those songs titles will be Mark Chestnuts "Bubba Claus Shot the
Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman & a Six
Pack", and Johnny Paycheck's If You Don't like Bubba Claus, Shove It."
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
Member, North American fairies and Elves Local #209
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no longer be able
to serve the Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the
overwhelming population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North
American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now serve only certain areas of
Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. As part of the new and
better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so please
keep that in mind.
However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement who happens to be my 3rd cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of
the family is from the South pole. he shares my goals of delivering toys to
all the good boys and girls. however, there are a few differences between
us---such as:
1. There is no danger of The Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
he has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads, "These toys
insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children that
children leave an RC Cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace
and Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flying coon dogs instead
of reindeer. I made a mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer 1 time,
and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, On Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..." when Bubba
Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, On Earnhardt, On Wallace, On Martin and
Labonte. On Rudd, On Jarrett, On Elliot & Petty.
5. "Ho ho ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to
have Bubbas elves respond, "I heard dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'sleigh does have a
Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words"Back Off". The last
I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh as well. One is a Ford
Logo with lights that race through the letters and the other is a caricature
of me (Santa Claus) peeing on the tooth fairy.
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" &
"It's A Wonderful Life" WILL NOT be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see"Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit 4"
featuring Burt Reynolds and dozens of police cars crashing into one another.
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If i were you, I'd make sure the wife
and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the
tree.
9. And finally, lovely, Christmas songs have been about me like "Rudolph the
Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." This
year songs about bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations in
the South. Those songs titles will be Mark Chestnuts "Bubba Claus Shot the
Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's All I Want for Christmas Is My Woman & a Six
Pack", and Johnny Paycheck's If You Don't like Bubba Claus, Shove It."
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
Member, North American fairies and Elves Local #209
Comments
By the way, did your Reindeers have antlers or not?
I have one question. What's wrong with a gun rack on the back of the sleigh?
Gun racks are fine, I have one in the back window of my Caddy.
On a serious side, should we avoid posts that "may" be offensive to someone, providing they are not personal? I think Don had an excellent post on the Menorah thread about going too far with being offended. Look at all the posts where women refer to men negatively. If I were to complain that I was offended, what would the reaction be? My guess, I would be flamed for being so sensitive. If I posted something that was offensive to someone because I hit a nerve unknowingly, I would immediately delete it. Don must be working for a change today, otherwise he would have commented by now.
And Sonny, I knew you weren't complaining. I trust if you had a real problem with a post of mine, you would let me know with no uncertainty.
Well, I won't start on the little woman thing x:D
And your comments were sort of my thoughts and no, look what we would have missed on this forum if we did not post on all the things to which someone might have taken offense. In those posts where there is male bashing going on, if you or anyone is offended, I do think they should speak up and NOT be flamed ie for being too sensitive. I feel some do not speak up for fear of being flamed strongly and I do think that is sad.
I guess I had been :-? , what if the joke was about a religion or ethnic group vs. a culture? It would never fly. .and while I did not personally take any offense, I am more sensitive to the Southern culture since living here. . was just wondering if any of the born and rasied did.
No big deal, really, just sort of babbling away here to avoid doing Safety minutes. .
Margaret Morford
theHRedge
615-371-8200
[email]mmorford@mleesmith.com[/email]
[url]http://www.thehredge.net[/url]
Welcome to the South. We're well-mannered, but wacky!
Margaret Morford
theHRedge
615-371-8200
[email]mmorford@mleesmith.com[/email]
[url]http://www.thehredge.net[/url]
There is line that should not be crossed, the problem is we don't all draw the line at the same point. Thus, someone is offended when others just see humor. I agree, jokes about ethnic or especially religious groups can be in very poor taste and should be avoided. And even ethnic representations can be a problem. For example with the tension in the world today, I would not post a story like the one above about people of middle eastern decent. Too volatile.
There have been posts that I have found offensive, but did not say anything. Not out of fear of being flamed, just didn't think it was worth making a fuss over. Maybe, the bigger problem is trying to convey the message in writing, like this. The emotion icons help, but it is still very hard to portray the spirit or mood of the poster. It is easy to misread someone and come to a wrong conclusion about what they are saying or worse yet, about them personally.