(Do Not) Cook (this way) Book

HRQ · April 2005

Twochr's "do not EVER make this recipe" post inspires a new post for this area: "Do not" cooking tips learned from personal experience. Might result in a best-selling "(Do Not) Cook (this way) Book" better than the typical kind that offers recipes.

When I was a teenager, I learned; When making steak and eggs, do NOT attempt to cook the eggs AND steak at the same time in the same pan. The steak turns the eggs grey, AND by the time the steak finally finishes cooking, the eggs are like rubber. Dry crusty grey rubber.

Seems obvious NOW, but at 18 I had a lot to learn...

Parabeaglex2 · April 2005

Do NOT use your Mattel Vac-U-Form to fry bologna for bologna sandwiches; all your fried bologna sandwiches will smell like plastic, and your Vac-U-Form cars will smell like bologna. Furthermore,

Do NOT sell said fried bologna sandwiches to the neighborhood kids; their parents get mighty upset when they get sick.

TN HR · April 2005

DO NOT try to make your grandfather a Lynchburg Lemonade with rubbing alcohol. True story, I swear. He was feeling under the weather and I asked him if he wanted a lemonade. I think my intentions were 1/4 Florence Nightingale and 3/4 Dennis the Menace.

I poured about half a bottle of rubbing alcohol in with it. After he coughed/snorted/regurgitated, he suddenly felt well enough to put on his robe and slippers, get his belt and come after me.

That was enough to delay my bartending career for at least another decade.

Gene

HRQ · April 2005

Do NOT feed your Easy Bake Oven creations to your new stuffed polar bear, or your mom will take him away until you are old enough to take care of your toys properly.

Same rule goes for mom's lipstick and your stuffed animals, although that's not really a "(do not) Cook (this way) Book" tip.

TN HR · April 2005

At age 16, I was trying to impress a girlfriend by showing her the "real" way to cook spaghetti. I was trying to cook the pasta in in the sauce.......... I'm sure you can imagine the horrendous results.

This effectively halted my culinary career by at least 3 years.

Gene

Parabeaglex2 · April 2005

Getting the impression, Gene, that the only reason you're in HR is because you can't mix drinks and you can't cook... am I wrong? x;-)

TN HR · April 2005

Well, sort of. That and it's a violation of the terms of my parole to deal in negotiable instruments. $$$

Gene

HRQ · April 2005

Unless you wish to form a bonfire party, NEVER put BBQ sauce on raw chicken before grilling.

Don D · April 2005

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 04-26-05 AT 05:58AM (CST)[/font][br][br]

Whirlwind · April 2005

DO NOT make your first cake in your first apartment and then set it to cool on top of the stove and accidentally turn on the stove burner it's sitting on. My then-roommate and culinary co-conspirator (who has been my best friend since we were 17, and we're now 53) still howl with laughter when we recall following to the letter the recipe for Bonnie Butter Cake which we turned into Burned Bonnie Butter Cake. "Pear Snow" was another disaster. Who the hell would want to make something called "Pear Snow" anyway? But we did, and it was a mess. We also had raw potato pancakes and several other cooking experiments which went badly awry, but now, all these years later, we are pretty good cooks and still cook and eat and drink and laugh ourselves silly together on a regular basis.

System · April 2005

Do not put frozen Steakums on a bar-b-que grill.

Peggy UH in LA · April 2005

When frying fish, do not put the fish in a paper sack and place in the oven on warm to keep them warm. The grease will start a fire that is fueled when you open the door to add to them! (My younger days.) Actually, the fish had a good smoked flavor, but one runs the risk of having burned fish,......or oven.......or house!

HRinNH · April 2005

Don't try to cook the Thanksgiving Turkey in the microwave to "save time".

Whatever · April 2005

As my sister discovered-never, ever keep adding water to cooking rice. And as I discovered, always remember to prick baking potatoes.

ritaanz · April 2005

I have the perfect solution to cooking problems. Marry a guy who can cook. Viola!

JudyT929 · April 2005

When frying french fries in a skillet on the stove and you start a fire do not let your 21 year old bare chested husband try to put out the fire with water. Amazing that marriage lasted 5 years.

Whirlwind · April 2005

>Amazing that marriage lasted 5
>years.

Amazing that man LIVED for 5 years (whether he deserved to or not is an entirely different issue x}>).

p.s. Another don't: DON'T cook a canned ham in the can. Okay, I didn't do that -- even I'm not that dumb -- but I read it in the newspaper.

Gillian3 · April 2005

If kids are helping, make sure that they understand the real meaning. When my family was doing a tour of England before emigrating we were visiting my grandmother in Cornwall. In those days, milk was kept cool by putting the container, with milk, in a tub of water. She told me to put the milk in the tub, and that's what she got.

NaeNae55 · April 2005

Do NOT put oil in a pan preparing to make popcorn and then go talk on the phone (my older sister at 12).

Do NOT grab a glass, fill it up with water, and then toss it into a pan of oil (intended for popcorn) that has caught fire (me at 10). The result is a blackened ceiling and a visit from your local fire department.

System · April 2005

When a punch recipe calls for "One part frozen lemonade and One part gin", read carefully. Do not use one small can of frozen lemonade and one PINT gin. Well, on second thought, go ahead. The ladies group had a great meeting that night.

safety · April 2005

OK Sam, I gotta ask, did the ladies see any ugly men after their great meeting?

neveradull · April 2005

Do not boil eggs until all the water has evaporated and the smoke alarms go off.

JudyT929 · April 2005

Been there DONE THAT! unfortunetly...phewww open da windows

Shadowfax · April 2005

Do not set your shiny new paint can full of beef stew over the campfire with the lid firmly in place. Your camping neighbors will gather around for the next meal to see how high the lid and stew goes this time.

ritaanz · April 2005

Oh no! You didn't, did ya?

safety · April 2005

When camping in Northern California, or anywhere for that matter, do not use giant pinecones as fuel to grill steaks, remember to have charcoal. While the cones make good fuel for a fire the taste is not quite as good as the smell.

twochr · May 2005

When making chicken and dumplings, and wanting the 'juice' to be that wonderful 'butter-color', do not mistake the blue food coloring for the yellow. No one eats blue dumplings. You then have to add yellow as green dumplings are better than blue if you just turn out the dining room lights and eat in the dark. (or close your eyes)

HRQ · May 2005

When you are craving s'mores and don't have a real fire to toast your marshmallows, do not use a lighter. The taste just isn't the same.

twochr · May 2005

And for heaven's sake, don't try to make them on a electric stove!

Don D · May 2005

Never fry a turkey in the kitchen or inside any outdoor structure having any dollar value whatsoever.

Gjack · May 2005

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 05-06-05 AT 04:24PM (CST)[/font][br][br]Were you making a general statement or did you learn this fact the hard way? I know someone who decided it was too cold on Thanksgiving to fry the turkey outside. He set up in the kitchen and... well you probably know how it ended. Twochr, I'll pass it on about the salt and grease fires!

Gillian

(Do Not) Cook (this way) Book

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