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End-of-year Joke Clearance

WhirlwindWhirlwind 882 Posts
in HR Water Cooler Vote Up0Vote Down
I'm back at work after two weeks off and doing my "year-end clearance" of e-mail. Found a couple of jokes I thought were worthy of saving and sharing. Here goes:

Help from Tech Support

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
***************************
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 6.9.

Good Luck, Tech Support


FEEL LIKE A WOMAN

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.

They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the
plane. Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you
feel like a woman," he says. He is gorgeous, tall, built, with long,
flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the
aisle, unbuttoning his shirt


.....one button at a time.



......No one moves.



......He removes his shirt.



.....Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her,



.....and whispers:



....."Iron this."






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