I need help with this one!

aingram · October 2003

This is sort of a humorous issue - so I figured I would post it here. I have a situation that I need help with. It has been brought to my attention that one of our male employees has been caught, on a regular basis, using the women's restroom. There are adequate facilities and no issues with the men's restroom.

He has been observed by many, male and female, using the women's restroom when all three of the mens restrooms are unoccupied. Not sure of his reasoning, but the females are tired of the mess and the lid being left up. It's very uncomfortable for them. The supervisor and I are trying to figure out the best approach. As far as I know, he is still a male... though that in it itself is another story.

How do I approach this employee and what do I say?

Amanda

xpray

HRsage · October 2003

Here is how I would approach it with him, I'd simply tell him...

>He has been observed by many, male and female, using the women's
>restroom when all three of the mens restrooms are unoccupied.

Ask him why and that it simply has to stop. It might be a difference of cleanliness between the men's and women's, I don't know. I know I've seen some men's rooms that should require a bio hazard suit to enter. But yet women's restrooms also seem to be so nice (from what I've heard).

. As far as I know, he is
>still a male... though that in it itself is another story.

You also hint that he might be transgendered, that might be something that will come up in the conversation with him.

AprilShowers · October 2003

I think this one should be approached directly with a "Why are you using the women's restrooms?"

Question though- Is it a single stall room??????

aingram · October 2003

Each men's room has at least two stalls. But even when the entire restroom is empty - he still uses the other one. I personally think he feels more comfortable using the women's restroom. He has recently been adding some female "attributes" (? not sure if that is the proper wording) to his persona, ie. hair extensions, earrings, etc... He is very sensitive and easily embarrassed. I just want a gentle approach to handling the situation.

ray a · October 2003

The February issue of HRMagazine had an article dealing with the topic of ee's who are cross dressers. The article was focused on a truck driver who liked to dress up as a woman and was fired from his job. It may worth it to you to check it out. Go to [url]www.shrm.org[/url].

AprilShowers · October 2003

I guess the problem is that while HE is more comfortable using the womems restroom the SHE's are not comfortable sharing. Sexual Idenity issues or not... If the females are complaining about a male using their restroom, you must say something as you could be liable down the road since you knew this was happening...

Let's see... a tactful way to tell a man he cannot use the women's restroom anymore... This is tough...

Do you think there is something written on the walls of the Men's restroom that makes him not want to go in there? Or is he teased by other men at your company? There is something here that doesn't add up. Men just don't use Women's restrooms because they are becoming more feminine.

ray a · October 2003

Just tell him point blank he can't go in there anymore. If he does, he is opening himself up to a sexual harassment charge if a woman is already in there. Next time he uses the ladies room, follow your disciplinary process. I would do a verbal, written, unpaid suspension then termination. If he enters a ladies room and a woman is in there and complains, I might consider it egregious enough to skip a couple of intermediate disciplinary steps and go for something more severe.

Rockie · October 2003

Basically "Joe, we have an issue and I need your help in resolving it. I have reports that you are using the womens' restroom when the mens room is unoccupied. This is making the women uncomfortable and I need for you to stop doing this immediately."

scottorr · October 2003

I get the impression that the womens room has only one toilet with a locking door so no one has walked in on each other. When I worked in a manufacturing setting we had a gentleman the was feminine. The other guys used to say things to him when he would be in the bathroom with him so the females encouraged him to use their restroom. We only found out about the other men harassing him when he was questioned as to why he was useing the ladies room.

I have also worked in an environment where there was only one bathroom that both sexes had to share. I do not believe there are any laws requiring an employer to provide seperate bathrooms for men and women.

I would approach him by saying something like this "I was told that you have been using the women's restroom. "I was just wondering if there is any reason why you don't want to use the men's room?" Approach it with a gentle tone, and listen without interupting, you will be more likely to get an honest answer that way.

safety · October 2003

I wonder if the facilities are different. x}> Is there a couch in the women's restroom?

If the two are different he may be looking for equality. How's that for a man's point of view. x:7

I would approach the individual lightly with a statement of the facts, that is, he has been observed entering the female facilities and it is not acceptable, whatever the reason. If the response is that he is a transgender, then alternatives need to be explored with the individual and his involvement will help ease the tension of the issue.

I need help with this one!

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