Take my offense, please!

I'm sure most of you have noticed the trend as of late...I am just as guilty of it as the next Forumite.

The 'I don't mean any offense', 'don't take any offense' etc. theme strewn throughout the Forum posts. I don't know about any of you, but I am getting a little tired of seeing it, and most likely won't use the phrase again myself. I thought that this forum was for HR professionals to share their opinions, and exchange ideas and knowledge. A place where we can voice our concerns, share our experiences with others who might feel or have been through the same.

Honestly, if you don't think you'll like the topic, or if you think it might offend you, why read it? It is after all, just the opinion of another person.



  • 57 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • We are living in 'the day of the disclaimer', even on the Forum. Preceding a discussion that contains bad news, we smooth over the issue and lay down a thin coat of honey. Example: Before starting a RIF, the leader stands up and lays out a few successes of the company and what great folks we all are. That's the disclaimer. Then he says, "I say all that to say this....", then there comes the bad news.

    The nurse, as a disclaimer, pulls your shorts down to expose the raw hip flesh. Her disclaimer, "This may sting a tiny bit and then it'll be over".

    The Forumite says, "I don't mean to offend, but....", then watch out brother, here it comes, brace yourself.

    The doctor, a small grin pursing from his lips, says softly, "This is just sort of a vaseline type agent, won't cause any sensation at all, place both hands flat on the table...." His disclaimer has put me at rest, right?

    This is going to hurt me more than it does you. The day of the disclaimer.

    Mary, youve been a valuable asset over the past 12 months, have done some really neat things for us, have succeded at all your monthly projects. Now, let's move on with your review. (Ohhhh SH*T, here is comes!)

    Nothing negative about your mother-in-law Rufus, ..... But. The disclaimer.

    Then our ever popular Forum disclaimer: "I don't mean to offend, but,..." then the 'offending' remark fires out of the barrel. This is a way (some insist) to spread on a thin, shiney coat of gentle lubricant just before inserting the cold metallic instrument. Maybe it feels like an emoticon smiley face. Maybe it's so they can come back later and insist, "Look jerk! I started my remark by telling you I meant no offense. So F**k off!"

    Those of us who have plateaued to a point where we typically don't give a flyin' flip if someone twists a comment in order to feel the sting of offense, aren't going to preceed our remarks with apologies. But I catch myself almost doing that sometimes when I know the recipient is one who has frequently demonstrated to us that he/she is easily 'offended'. Some poilitical parties are expert at it. Let us lob one major, realistic comment in their direction and they "Play the O card"..."We do our very best to be compasionate caretakers and guardians of the citizenry and look, now they tell us we are bums. I'm offended. We are offended. Our party is offended. You should be offended. You should like me better that the one who made the offending remark.

    HS, I don't mean to offend, but just where the hell do you get off bringing this up so early in the morning?
  • As always, you say it better than the rest of us! Amen brother! Oh no, have I offended someone? Shoot, gotta go back to my cell I guess. x:P

    Don D(does it stand for dear?), no offense, but it's not that darn early. Early is waking up at 1 am EST to view Mars which hasn't been this close to us in almost 60 thousand years. I for one, will not be around when it comes back this way 284 years from now. x;-)
  • Getting up at 1 am to view mars, what are you stupid HS? No offense x:D
    Don said it best.............while some may feel torched by the comments made, I think that helps you with the issue and makes you look at it from some different perspectives at work.
    My $0.02 worth, although Don kicked in $0.10 easy today.
    DJ The Balloonman
  • I take offense to offensive people taking offense. I haven't seen that happen on the forum. I have not read one thing from anyone on this forum that has offended me - yet! Responses have given me pause, made me realize where I differ and why, and made me understand just how many sides there can be on issues of import. I honestly think I could sit down with anyone I've "talked" to here and have a good discussion. Now would a couple of us be going at it? Sure. But that's just all good fun x:7!
  • I for one am sure glad I didn't offend anyone (apparently) with my Pentagon posting in HR de har. I was positive I would have heard something from the grunts, jarheads and squids. x;-)
  • Hey Beag careful at whom you throw that wink, it may be offensive to those of us who share Dr Laura's views on masculinity or similar rigid, pig-headed, lamebrained _____phobic ideas..(I'm sure I nailed someone's belief system) I just got around to reading your har d hr comment, and as a former flyboy you let yourself off the hook way too soon.. just kidding. If not those of us who served, who else could know the nonsense and ridiculousnessness of the military? And HS.. you're probably right, but there are a lot of things we do and say as a cultural shorthand for not appearing to be too rude, so I say to you:...and the horse you came rode in on!
  • Don...as usual your visuals are RIGHT ON! Keep 'em coming and damn be he (or her) who first cries "Hold, enough!"
  • Hi HS

    While I appreciate your comments.... x;-) (just kidding)

    As someone on the forum that does use these types of comments - I'm just unsure how else to write my comments or counter propose/object to what someone else has said in this frustrating (at times) world of message boards. I've been blasted and I've been told that I blast back - if we could sit down and discuss the issues, although they may be heated, at least people would see or hear inflection of voice, body language, etc. But, we can't.

    There are strong personalities on this forum - which is sometimes fun and sometimes not, sometimes enlighting and sometimes not, sometimes political and sometimes not. I think it was Balloonman - or maybe someone else, that gave a pretty good description of what the forum is like and his perception of how the forum is close to a law class. I like that and have tried to use it in future postings. Bottom line is that with some individuals on the forum, I will continue to use the phrases - as I've already had disagreements with them in the past - and when I say to them on the message board - don't mean to offend - I REALLY DO MEAN IT! x:-) I want to move forward & share thoughts and wisdom just like the next forumite as I too am hopelessly addicted. Amen! (please don't take offense to the Judeo-Christian reference x;-))
  • H.S. has offended my sensibilities. What's with this anal thing of getting up at 1:00 a.m. to see something that hasn't been seen in thousands of years and won't be seen again for 300 more? Where's the sense in that? If nobody alive has ever seen it and won't ever again see it, what possible difference could it make that I get up to see it? I can't describe it to anybody else and only dead people have seen it and only yet unborn people might ever see it, so why not stay in bed? Talk about offending!! x:-)(that's a disclaimer).
  • Don you have continually offended me by keeping me out of your rantings about dreams and off of 'your list', so, call us even! x:P
  • Ya know, there are times when a poster on the Forum continues to beat the proverbial dead horse. I do not mean to offend them, I just want to kick em in the head to get thier attention. Then I respectfully inform them that a. I diagree; b. they are dead wrong; c. ask if they are nuts; d. ask that they cancel their membership; or e. tell them that I assume it is an inherited trait. ( Is this the time for x:P to denote the above was done in jest??)
  • What is funny, is while I'm always aware of when I may be offending someone and am careful not to, I am never offended by others. OK, ALMOST never. Most do not intend to be offensive. Inflamatory and thought provoking, maybe, but not offensive. I occasionally feel defensive when I've been misunderstood and try to remember that is MY problem and not someone else's!

    I've yet to be offended by ANY post on the Forum and have found it to be very entertaining because of many of the remarks. Other forums are much drier in comparison and I don't frequent them because this one is so much more enjoyable and at least as educational, if not more educational than others.

    So, no offense, this is just my humble opinion, you may be right, I can see where you are coming from, but quit taking inflamatory, thought provoking and/or generally opinionated posts as offensive! (I am struggling mightily NOT to use an emoticon here!) I'd better hit "post message" before my fingers take over and do it voluntarily!
  • HS,

    I think your point is well taken. However, most forms of electronic communications (posts, e-mails, whatever) come off more bluntly than intended. I suspect people add the disclaimer "No offense" as a way to soften the wording a bit.

    That said, I have had my share of scrapes with several people in the forum. You can choose to leave or you can recognize that the forum is like life and you won't always see eye to eye with everyone. The fun part is when you really help someone with your suggestions or insight. The hard part is admitting when you screw up. I've done my share of both.

    Paul in Cannon Beach
  • Ritaanz; I think you just walked into the theatre and the movie is half over. I'm sure HS knows the difference here. I too am rarely if ever offended. I may get pissed and label as idotic a comment or two here and there that is no less than embicillic, according to my personal interpretation; but, ain't offended. To be offended, one must feel discomfort, pain, vexation. To be offended pre-supposes that another is capable of causing one pain and discomfort. I reckon I was offended in the 11th grade when a guy from West Talahatchie High School cold-cocked me while I was skinning down my sport coat to fight him. He darned sure caused me pain and discomfort. The only way anybody on the Forum could offend me would be for an Arizona resident to rescing her offer to let me park my bike in her garage overnight. Now that would be offensive! I also get offended when people like Ray pretend not to be online and won't make a comment. They just sit there and drink beer with their shoes off. Now lawyers are offensive, but that's another discussion.
  • Don, I'm offended. I don't drink beer.

    BTW, the girls in AZ don't need you - I'm here. It is 80 degrees outside, cloudy and we've had some rain. Vacation is great.
  • Go, Ray-man! Hubba hubba! Woof! x:-)
  • Ah, Ray you show! And in the middle of a 24-hour flash flood warning that probably won't materialize. So you're here - you never call, you never write! How's the grandbaby?
  • Offer him free nickel-chips and he'll be there in a flash!
  • Naw probably not...where he is and where I am is separated by some 50 miles. I think it would take more than a few nickels to separate him from the daughter and the grandbaby!
  • Where, again, in AZ are you that it's 80 degrees out? Today it's HOT and muggy. (Well, muggy by Phoenix standards anyway)
  • I'm in Surprise, up in the northland. We had a shower this morning, and the temp dropped from 85 to 80. We left after lunch and headed over to the Desert Ridge Mall. Hit low 90's and got more humid. Yesterday, we took a trip to the Grand Canyon and it rained a bit up there. According to the temp gage in the car, it dropped to 56 degrees there, but it didn't feel that cold. Then it was low 90's back in Phoenix.

    Leslie, my wife tells me I need some "real" friends. Maybe I should look you up to prove you are real. But, that could get me in big trouble too. Little Amberlie is still trying to get used to Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Tim. She's doing better. Of course she is the cutest baby you ever saw.
  • Anybody who goes on vacation and records the damned temperature at every point visited does indeed need real friends, or rather, a life! While you're clicking onto the Forum you could be lying there on the couch hoping with all your heart that the grandbaby would lay back down on your chest and go sound to sleep. That, my friend, is a REAL life. I don't have them yet, but one day I will be the world's bestest granddaddy!
  • ray a,
    Surprise is a bit north, so it would be cooler.

    The last time I was at the Grand Canyon, I brought a friend visiting from Nebraska. She'd never been anywhere but NE and IA and was excited to see another state. Of course she wanted to see the big stuff, including the Canyon. When we got there, it was snowing so heavily we couldn't even see over the edge. Her only picture and memory of the GC is of her and me standing in front of a little rock wall with a big cloud of snow behind us. I bought her a postcard.

    Enjoy that grandbaby!

  • A guy that works for me has a girlfriend who lives in Surprise...She's in the Air Force. A couple that works with me lives by Desert Ridge, and say the drive isn't TOO bad.

    I'm real - I can't be a figment of my own imagination! Unless of course someone throws water on me. Then I'm melting....melting.....
  • Although I don't post here often (sorry, I'm just too busy trying to save the world, LOL), I am also seldom offended, if ever. If you agree with me, fine. If you don't agree with me, fine too.

    Just remember, this is America where everyone is entitled to MY opinion.


  • Disclaimers hit us;
    No offense intended, man.
    Mars has me uptight.
  • I believe Suprise AZ is the spring training home of the Kansas City Royals!!!!!
  • Nope. The Royals are a Grapefruit League team... spring training is in Florida.
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