Supervisor's affair

Rumors tell me that a supervisor has an on going affair with one of his workers. The worker has quit to take a lower paying job. She told a coworker she quit to keep her supervisor from getting in trouble. I asked the supervisor if he has put the company at risk with an inappropriate relationship. He denied any wrong doing. Yet his marriage is dissoloving. The former employee's car is in the parking lot everyday. (She lives out of town and I think the supervisor is using it for transportation).

What is appropriate discipline? Pull him from a supervisor position? Suspend him so he can lay around with his new girlfriend. Fire him for misconduct? Nothing, because he denied any relationship.

I can't find anything in our handbook to suggest a supervisor is in violation.

Comments

  • 25 Comments sorted by Votes Date Added
  • Whether there is any wrongdoing will depend on your own company's policy on fraternizing in the workplace. If you can't find a policy against it, you may have nothing more than some awkward circumstances if the allegations are true, but nothing illegal.

    As for trying to validate, you've confronted the supervisor, and the supervisor has denied any conduct that jeopardizes your company. The state of his marriage should not be your company's concern, unless having a seemingly happy marriage is a prerequisite for his job.

    Love affairs in the workplace can be awkward and a source for gossip, but unless there is favorable treatment in the form of a tangible job benefit for the paramore or unfavorable treatment for everyone else, PDAs between the lovers that are offensive to workers, or a history of ongoing love affairs by a supervisor with his/her workers, you really don't have a whole lot.

    Do you have a policy that restricts the type of car the supervisor drives to work? Don't mean to sound caddy, but I have to ask why it would matter what he drives to work and who would actually scope out the parking lot to find out. Find that person more work to do. Sounds to me like the real issue might be a grapevine gossip chain.

    Unless there's something I'm missing, I don't see a big issue here.

    best wishes.
  • This is now a former employee that he's having an affair with, right? I don't see how you have much recourse at this point. Just my opinion! It would be like him having an affair with Sally Jane from down the road.
  • Maybe I didn't make myself clear. He started the affair while they both worked here. He being her supervisor. Then he lied about it. She quit. She could come back on the company because of an unhappy love affair? her supervisor forced her out so they could continue the affair. The rest of the information I put in, just added to the proof of his disception.
  • You are right that she could come back to you, but remember that the conduct has to be unwelcome. It sounds consentual, especially if she voluntarily quit her job to keep him from getting into trouble. Also, remember that she's allowing him to drive her car even though he is no longer her supervisor. Seems pretty consensual to me.

    Margaret Morford
    The HR Edge
    615-371-8200
    [email]mmorford@thehredge.net[/email]
    [url]http://www.thehredge.net[/url]
  • Yes I believe it is consentual. But he clearly crossed the line. Being the supervisor, gives him the opportunity to take advantage of her. The company would like to fire him on this bases. We feel he crossed the line while she was still here. With her track record the relationship is not likely to last. Then what. She took a $4 /hour cut in pay to protect his job. Are we over reacting?
  • Are you overreacting? That depends. You clearly understand what the risk is here and that this could have turned out badly for exactly the reason you cited. What have you done in the past when a memeber of management got involved with someone in their chain of command? I think you have to do the same thing here. Also, do you have any proof of the relationship because he has denied it? I wouldn't ask her since she no longer works for you or you may buy yourself a lawsuit. I think you'd be better served to put in a Non-Fraternization Policy and make sure he understands it. There is one in the Policy section of this website that you may find helpful.

    Margaret Morford
    theHRedge
    615-371-8200
    [email]mmorford@mleesmith.com[/email]
    [url]http://www.thehredge.net[/url]
  • You don't have an anti-fraternization policy so I don't understand how you want to fire him based on a consensual relationship with a now former employee who may or may not at some point in the future bring a claim against you. IMHO, you are over reacting.
  • I agree that once she left you have no stake in the issue, but of course she could turn around and file a harassment claim or constructive discharge. We had a similar situation, separated the supervisor from the subordinate even though they both denied involvement, and told the supervisor to stay away from her during work hours or his job would be in jeopardy. He left that discussion and went directly to her new job site. He was allowed to resign to avoid dismissal.
  • There is a deadline that she can file correct? EEOC requires complaints to be filed within 180 days of employment? I'm going from memory. Am I close?
  • You appear to be taking this personally, rather than as a business workplace issue. Even when given good advice from forum members, you continue to want to punish or fire this supervisor. Is something else going on here? Just asking.
  • I think you may be right. I feel like I have been duped. I asked him point blank. He lied to me. That would be the extent of taking it personally.
    The plant manager is actually wanting to fire him. We are growing quickly now and want to stop any of these misconducts from reoccurring. I can't believe we didn't have this in the handbook. OR That it has to be in the handbook or people think it is okay to do.

    I appreciate you bringing it to my attention. I'll try to keep my emotions in check.
  • Perhaps you could go as far as to say how the conduct could have affected the employer and him personally.

    Going forward, I would add a policy to your handbook ASAP and inform the employees.
  • Its not suprising he denied the relationship given he is still married. My advice is review your documentation and be glad this other employee left your employ. Its saved you some headaches.

    Its possible that the supervisor should be disciplined but that would depend on the nature of the relationship, how it started, who initiated what, prior similar behavior, etc.

    At minimum, you could advise the supervisor of how the "appearance of impropriety" needs to be considered. Affairs and relationships are morale busters and should be taken seriously. Just proceed with caution.
  • We don't have an anti-fraternizing policy per se but we don't allow it when there's a direct reporting relationship. Our managers are well aware of this and it's documented in our handbook as well as discussed during legal updates with them.

    I can understand your frustration especially when you're a growing company and you need to count on those around you. A lack of trust certainly doesn't form the foundation for a strong team (assuming the allegations are true) as it makes you wonder what else he may lie about. If he's driving her car, it wouldn't appear that he's trying very hard to hide it either.

    I may have missed it as wasn't sure how this came to your attention - was it brought up as a concern by an employee?

    A few things to consider hanging onto for the next 180 days would be: (1) a copy of the exit interview with her, (2) notes on the conversation had with him and (3) a copy of your sexual harassment policy along with (4) the signed copies from the two of them (which you hopefully have from everyone) indicating they were aware of the reporting mechanisms in place.

    Good luck to you. Please let us know how it turns out.
  • Thank you. You bring up some great points.

    It came to my attention by the plant manager as soon as he heard the rumors. I asked a few coworkers at a social gathering away from work. Their response was "Do you really want to know?" (That is a whole different topic.) Out of the six, they all had first hand comments from both in the affair. The only people he and she were keeping it from was HR and his supervisor. He has lost my trust.

    Next 180 days: 1) He had her leave before telling me that she quit. I wasn't able to do an exit interview that way. I generally do when able. 2) There will definitely be a conversation with him once we figure out the ramifications of his relationship. 3) We did a refresher course and everyone signed a new harassment policy. (so that's two for four).

    I'm curious what types of discipline others have used in this situation. We have had several coworker attractions. Some have gone onto marry, some have gone their separate ways. This is the first (that I know of) where a direct supervisor has crossed the line.


  • You'd be disciplining strictly on heresay! I recommend that you create a policy and use it going forward. You didn't do anything with the other employees who ended up getting married.
  • You missed the point that this is a supervisor. The other situations were coworkers not even in the same departments.
  • I understand that this was a supervisor. All the "evidence" that you have is heresay. He has denied the affair. Tell him the what ifs of what could have happened and create an anti-fraternization policy that works for your organization. Tell him what will happen to his employment if this happens again and how disappointed you are with his choices. Though you disagree with his actions, you have nothing solid to discipline him on.
  • Unfortunately, your hands are tied. Technically, you have no proof that he has done anything wrong. You can't fire someone on heresay or because you believe they lied to you. He is driving her car. So what? He could claim he bought it from her. They could both claim that they didn't actually start the affair until after she left her position since they knew he would get into trouble. If you go ahead and act things could get much uglier than they already are.

    I would get my policies in place right away and loudly publish them. Make sure that all employees, especially supervisors, understand that you frown on this type of behavior and will act if you ever have any proof that it occurred. Make a point to reinforce your position on the matter as the occassion arises.

    As far as the supervisor being untrustworthy goes, I would be grateful to find it out now. You could have found it out under much more difficult circumstances. If he lied once, he will lie again. Look for your opportunity to catch him in the act and then respond appropriately.

    Good luck!

    Nae
  • And to follow Nae and others (including myself) who suggest you stick to verifiable facts, please consider that you can open yourself up to a private tort from this fella for slander if you continue to insist that what he told you is not true when he denies it. If your information didn't come directly from either of the lovers or from some form of surveillance that you have actually viewed, it's hearsay to you. Not trying to beat a dead horse, but if you have worked in HR very long, my guess is that you have been lied to before. It's unfortunate, but it happens. What is more unfortunate is that some of your coworkers will lie to you as quickly as others who are not part of your organization.

    I also agree that your options for this situation are limited and that your best bet is to implement a nonfraternization policy, get it published, and get everyone trained on it. You'll be in a better position if this happens again.

    As for your options after policy implementation, they are whatever your organization chooses to include in the policy. You can have something as firm as a zero-tolerance policy or something as forgiving as allowing one or the other to transfer to a different department to eliminate the direct report aspect.

    Take a breath for yourself and relax a little. Otherwise, you'll be carrying this one home with you at the end of the day. A better option is to be kinder to yourself and your family.

    best wishes
  • [font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 05-20-08 AT 11:18AM (CST)[/font][br][br]Have you thought of sending her an exit interview through the mail with a signature required? We do this in the rare occasion that we miss doing an in-person interview. That would give you facts to work with or something to keep in your files to show that she didn't mention it either in case things sour with the relationship later on.

    In response to your question about romance in the workplace, fortunately most have been co-workers or peers working in different parts of the company. On the one occasion (they are now married) that there was a direct reporting relationship, we met with the two parties individually and asked about it. In this particular case, they confirmed the facts. The manager was placed on disciplinary notice and management responsibilities were reassigned. The employee chose to move to another area of the company. We met with the employee to confirm that this was the employee's choice and that the employee wasn't pressured into taking a different role.

    In addition to the restriction for having significant others/spouses not reporting in to one another, we also don't allow family members to do so. It can get interesting at times as we have 50-60% of our new hires coming in as referrals - many of which are relatives.

    *As to whether he's telling the truth, one closing comment would be to add that folks that think they're pulling one over on you generally slip up (as others too have mentioned) again. There was an interesting article on this after Elliott Spitzer's recent slip-up that discussed politicians and why they make some stupid decisions especially for people that are in the limelight. Their ego thinks that they're somehow above the law and that they won't get caught (even with all the examples to show them otherwise....)
  • I sense that your bigger problem is feeling like you have to justify your response to the plant manager, who is clearly expecting the supervisor's head on a stick. Let the plant manager know what prudence dictates in the current situation, and that you are taking steps to ensure that the company is more fully protected in the future. But don't let the PM bully you into doing something you shoudn't.

    P.S. - Just because the former employee left suddenly doesn't mean you can't do an exit interview. I always provide a brief, written 'exit survey' with the final check. That way, the former employee can feel "free-er" to be honest without fear of reprisal.
  • You read between the lines well.

    I think sending her the exit interview is a good idea. It can only protect us moving forward if she does answer.

    Thank you for all of the input.
  • Would bet that we all run into managers that want us to support them in firing a team member. What typically works well is putting it back on them and usually start by reviewing the facts (and when applicable the documentation in the files).

    I ask them to envision how it would play out in front of a jury and judge who are going to ask about facts not opinions and will want to see documentation of the policies that prohibit this with the consequences clearly spelled out.

    If the PM continues to push for this, would ask how much umbrella coverage he personally carries as supervisor's sometimes forget or may not be aware of the personal liability they have.
  • There doesn't appear to be an issue here as the "employee" is no longer an employee. You would have a bigger issue if the employee were still there working for the supervisor.
    Our policy requires that a supervisor cannot supervise an employee with whom there is a romantic relationship. It is the supervisor's responsibility to divulge the relationship. We then make every effort to place one of them in another position within the company. If this cannot be accomplished, one or both have to resign.

    We discourage employee romantic relationships basically because of sexual harassment issues, but we are realistic that they do occur and cannot be prevented totally.
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