Can parent attend performance discussion with minor son?
JeninHR
1 Post
Does anyone know the appropriate response to a parent who wishes to attend a work performance meeting between their minor (under 18) child and the child's boss?
Are we obligated to allow the parent to attend the meeting?
Are we obligated to allow the parent to attend the meeting?
Comments
However, if a parent had requested to attend, I would probably say "sure" as long as the parent agreed to not be disruptive.
If for some reason the minor needed help to communicate or understand the discussion, it would certainly be understandable.
Are you obligated? I don't know that answer but why wouldn't you allow it? What is to be gained from telling the parent "no, you cant attend?"
There is an article in this month's Missouri Employment Law Letter addressing teens working. In this case vs. BurgerKing, the court confirmed that a teenage employee may sue for retaliation because she was fired as a result of a parent's or guardian's intervention. Minors, must act through their parents or guardians as minors cannot sue their employee on their own.
Once they turn 18 it is a different story. My better half has to deal with this at the college where she teaches. Parents, who are paying the college, can't understand why they are not informed of everything regarding their child. Their child is 18, an adult, and for the parents to be informed they need to talk to their child. The student can sign a form allowing some information to be forwarded to the parent.
Good luck...
If requested, I would certainly give permission for the parent to attend the work performance meeting, with the proviso that they are observing only, since they are not in the workplace when the actual work that the "child" is being rated on is done.
Obligated - no. However, as others stated, why would you refuse? Perhaps I would refuse to continue employment of the subject, should I have to train both the worker and the parent in workplace behavior. (smiling, with tongue in cheek).
If the parent wants the child to work they have to be willing to let them make that decision.
My first thought is to ask the parent why he/she wants to attend? Perhaps, the child has been complaining of unfair treatment. Or, perhaps, the child has a learning disabilty and the parent wants to facilitate the employee's/child's understanding of what is being said. If the parent has a rational reason for wanting to attend, I would consider letting him/her be present.
Although, I agree with others that there is no harm in allowing the parent to attend as an observer, you will need to be prepared should the parent violate those ground rules. I can see the evaluation breaking down quickly if the parent becomes argumentative or defensive. Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worse. Also, be sure you can separate the parent's actions/speech from the child's. You would not want to hold the child accountable for something the parent does or says.
Please let us know how this turns out.
Sometimes there are legitimate reasons why a parent would get involved (son is on a mission trip and cant access a phone) but most of the time I see this as a red flag.
I even had a dad ask me if he could move here and live while their daughter worked on summer staff. Apron strings, buddy, apron strings...
A few months later, I ran into a lady who worked at the employment office and who had helped me in my job search. She knew my mom, and although I've never figured out why she shared it with me, she told me that the only reason she'd really pushed me for the job I ended up getting was because my mom had called her up (without my knowledge) and told her how badly I needed a job. Basically, what she told me was "You know, the only reason you got that job was because your mom called me and asked me to make sure you got it." (Nothing like instilling confidence in a person by making a statement that implies that nobody would have ever hired me on my own merit or through my own efforts!)
In no uncertain terms, I let the employment office lady know how unprofessional I thought that was, and my mother know that I did not, in fact, appreciate her interference. I was 18 years old and therefore technically an adult, and I have always been a very independent person, and my mother pulled the "helicopter parent" thing. She actually seemed surprised that I didn't appreciate her help and that I somehow felt undermined by her assuming that I couldn't get a job without her butting in on my behalf.
I think I would feel uncomfortable about having a parent in a performance meeting with a minor employee, because I would be afraid with them there that the meeting would turn into something it shouldn't be. That doesn't mean I absolutely would not allow it, but I would certainly have reservations about it. If the employee is old enough to perform the duties of the job on their own, then they should be able to sit through a performance meeting without a parent there.
I did have one of our employee's spouses (not hispanic) who came to talk to me after her husband got mad and walked off the job. I told her I would be happy to talk to him but I had nothing to discuss with her. She now avoids me any time she has to come to the plant to see him. Yea! xclap
My youngest son is 25 and is ADHD. He started working when he was 16 and we have never been involved in any of his jobs. He has asked me for advice about interviewing and various situations but never has he wanted me to be involved. He has always wanted to be independent and prove he can do things on his own.
Becky
I am at the very end of Gen X, beginning of Y (depending on what definition you use) and am appalled at the thought of a parent interfering in the work place. Unless, of course, there is a situation in which their MINOR child is being harassed.
I try to keep in mind that HR is also PR. for the organization. That doesnt mean I can always please everyone but I certainly strive to make the application/employment experience as positive as possible.
I've seen firsthand how difficult it can be for a kid to transition from living with someone who has done everything for them to trying to become more independent....a relative has a 20-year-old son and until recently she has pretty much done everything for him, from starting the shower for him in the morning to probably blowing his nose! The kid isn't mentally impaired in any way, except now by the fact that he can't seem to make a decision or do anything on his own. We asked him one day when his mom wasn't around if he'd like to go out to lunch with us and he kind of looked around blankly like he couldn't make that decision without her there to say yes or no for him. It's really quite sad. He has held a couple of different jobs and I have to wonder how he managed to without mom there every minute.
We refuse to allow parents or anyone else to become involved in any aspect of the employee's, um, employment. If a parent asks to sit in on a discussion, we advise them that the relationship is between us and the employee, however we do provide the employee with copies of their disciplinary documents, performance evals, etc, and the employee is welcome to share the copies with the parent if they wish.
We have nothing to hide, but we also are not interested in mommy or daddy mucking up the process.
Over the years, I've had a few parents call me wishing to discuss their child's separation from employment, in each case the separation was involuntary. In some cases, the child was under 18, in other cases, the child is an adult and suddenly has a developmental disability that we were not previously aware of.
I won't discuss the details with them, but I do always take the time to explain our progressive discipline process, our incident investigation process, etc. so that they can see that separation decisions are not made in a vacuum and are not made impulsively. I also encourage them to have their child call me if they have any further questions or are unclear about what has happened to them.
That probably sounds more ominous than you meant...
She told me she once had a female employee who had migraine headaches. The first time it happened the employee was allowed to take a number of days off, and when she came back to work was put at a station with low lighting. The employee wanted to wear sunglasses too. Since it was night time and she was working in a fairly dark area anyway, my daughter refused. She offerred to let the employee go home, but she would not allow sunglasses as this employee was working with the public. The employee cussed at her and walked out. A little while later the father came in. He demanded that she comply with his daughter's request. She said no. He threatened her with all kinds of agencies and laws. Every threat and complaint she countered with the facts and how she was in compliance with the law. He was loud and the place was full of customers. He finally called her a rude name and stormed out.
She told me she now begins orientation with this: "You are the employee, not your mother, not your father, not your sister, not your brother. You are the one working here and getting the paycheck. If you get sick, it better not be your parent calling in for you unless you're in the hospital..." She even makes a point not to take applications that the parent has filled out. If someone wants to work there, then they need to show it and apply themselves.
I know I am prejudice, but I definitely like her style. x:D
Nae
I like your daughter's approach. Makes her expectations clear from the start, and I think she's very reasonable.
I would not allow a parent, spouse or friend sit in on a performance discussion. We have even had union reps want to sit in on performance evaluations, and our union contract does not allow that. Unless it is a discussion that could lead to disciplinary action employees are not afforded the right of a union representative.
Parents are not doing their children any favors by interfering in their jobs. I have two adult children and would not dream of calling their employers or potential employers to discuss their jobs.