Needing to Vent
LFernandes
314 Posts
Hi Everyone,
Did you ever think that you chose the wrong career? Ever since November 2003 things have been getting harder and harder. Employees are more disgruntled and yell at me for every little thing - even it if has nothing to do with me. I'm getting blamed for things when I haven't been told anything about the situation and people just ASSUME that my crystal ball is working 24/7 and I know everything. My boss got a huge raise but word on the street is that I may be loosing my job. I have a 1.75 hour commute one way. My dad is terminally ill which is keeping me from looking for another job because I may need FMLA time in the very near future.... I'm tired and I just don't think I can do it any more. The problem is, I've been in HR for 20+ years and I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
Thanks for letting me vent...x:'(
Did you ever think that you chose the wrong career? Ever since November 2003 things have been getting harder and harder. Employees are more disgruntled and yell at me for every little thing - even it if has nothing to do with me. I'm getting blamed for things when I haven't been told anything about the situation and people just ASSUME that my crystal ball is working 24/7 and I know everything. My boss got a huge raise but word on the street is that I may be loosing my job. I have a 1.75 hour commute one way. My dad is terminally ill which is keeping me from looking for another job because I may need FMLA time in the very near future.... I'm tired and I just don't think I can do it any more. The problem is, I've been in HR for 20+ years and I don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
Thanks for letting me vent...x:'(
Comments
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Good Luck and may your day become even more Blessed tomorrow!
PORK
What's really sad is this is so unlike me. I was downsized once before and was back working in a week without batting an eye.....
You're right, I feel like I'm bailing as fast as I can and the boat is still sinking.
Also, talk to your doctor. The pressure and anxiety that you feel can be caused not only by your job but by your personal burdens.
Hope things are better for you soon.
It sounds like you need to take care of yourself. Don't worry about work and definitely file for FMLA quick. You need to beat them to the punch as mentioned above.
I wish you well and want things to work out for you!
Stay strong. Hope your Dad's health improves.
Can you go to your boss and in not the exact same words tell him what you told us? How many times have you said to an employee "if you'd just been open with me, asked me what you wanted to know and told me clearly what YOU needed, I could have helped you"? I say this assuming your boss would actually listen to you. You won't know unless you go to him. And if he's not interested in listening, then it's not worth the 1.75 hour drive each way. Easy for me to say, being I'm not in your shoes. Good luck and let us know how things turn out.
I was told on Thursday that my dad could have 6 months but he's a fighter so I wouldn't be surpised if he proved the doctor's wrong. I'm going to spend as much time with him as possible but I also have to keep the paycheck coming in.
Again, thanks for the support. It's really nice to know I can turn to you all for support.
L--
The advice is good to go ahead and apply for the FMLA so this will be protected for you. I wouldn't quit right now until the issue with your Dad is resolved. Looking for another job under these circumstances would be an additional stressor for you that you don't need at this time.
I believe you know what you need to do eventually, but now's probably not the time to do it.
Take care. You are among friends at the Forum.
It reads to me that just maybe God does not want you in this place any longer! You have probably completed your mission and now your mission in life maybe changing. Your experiences there, go with you; be satisfied that this is not your calling, but it is of a higher judge than yourself or your dad. Just maybe your next assignment is your dad's care and witness for him to complete his work here: "IT IS ACCOMPLISHED"!
KEEP US POSTED, WHEN YOU MAKE YOUR CHANGE.
PORK
I do feel for you. The thought of loosing ones parent must be very frightening. It sounds as if you must continue with a paycheck so don't have the luxuary to quit. I know witht he commute you have and the responsibilities, it is hard to begin looking for a job, while working. However, go ahead and use some of your contacts and just put out some feelers and check some ads. If you look closer to home, I doubt your present employer will find out. If you took a new job, you might not have FMLA available. However, there is nothing to stop you from negotiating some time off (with or without pay) if you tell the employer up front what you might need.
Also, you would be greatly surprised how much stress would be lifted if you don't commute that far. You would have more time to spend with family and still work full time.
I know from experience how being "unapprecited" can affect your entire life and professional career. Don't let it. There is someone out there that needs and wants you. Change is scarey, but sometimes is very good. Good luck and look after yourself. You are the one that matters... not your job or career.
E Wart
Just to let you know, my dad has taken a turn for the worse. I talked to my boss and COO today and will begin taking days off to every week spend with my dad.
I want to thank everyone for their support and prayers.
LFernandes
Apparently, you are under a lot of stress right now and it is impossible to deal normally with day to day activities like work. Additionally, you may face loosing your job which may be what is helping you keep your sanity right (believe it or not). I say that because work is a 'known factor', a stablizing influence; something familiar.
I say all that to say...give yourself time, do good things for YOU that will give you a little cheer. Share your pain with one or two trusted souls at work, church, friend, etc.; find someone to cry with (yes tears can be great release). Take time for yourself, an hour in the park, at the river, ocean, etc. You get the idea. And of course, go shopping, ha...what better to give you a boost. Most of all, if depression is getting you in such a dark place and you can't see the light find a counselor. Remember, we only have one minute at a time and those minutes may add up to a day, two days, etc. Get through each day, one minute at a time. As for quitting your job or easing out through FMLA, depends on if you can afford it. Of course, you might not heed the 'word on the street' and just ask your boss point blank if what you are hearing is the truth!
Ask yourself if the feelings you have about your job were there prior to your dad getting sick. If they were, you should have been job searching a long time ago, but for now, you might have to hang in and get all the benefits owed to you and then cut out; on the other hand, if these feelings are just since your dad got sick, try to accept that maybe it is the stress that is making you feel this way. And This To Shall Pass. I don't mean to sound trite, but time does heal. If you need emotional support, don't hesitate to contact a counselor and best of luck to you!
As far as work goes, if I'm meant to loose my job so be it. It just means that I'm meant to be somewhere else and no amount of worrying about it will chance anything. My dad said to me Monday after I got him home from the hospital that he was worried that I'd loose my job and I told him not to because I'd be able to spend more time with him. All he did was smile.
It's just so weird being on this side of the things. My employees come to me for guidance and help with stuff like this. Now it's my turn. Thanks for being there for me to cry to.
LF
You're on my prayer list as of today. Keep us posted.
My suggestion is (1) give employers notice now about needing FMLA. Employer does have to pay it's normal portion of medical insurance while you are on FMLA and you would pay what you normally pay. FMLA can be with or without pay depending on employer's policy. Some employers run FMLA concurrent with PTO. However, FMLA is only meant for someone who plans on coming back to work at the end of the 12 work weeks. If your employer gets wind that you are looking for another job, you could be forced to reimburse the employer any medical insurance benefits they paid on your behalf. So, my suggestion is, take 12 workweeks of FMLA leave, return to work after the 12 workweeks and after 30 days on the job you are safe to begin looking for another job.
Good luck and God bless you, your family, and your Dad.
I had been at my first job out of college for about a month when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. This was a few years before FMLA. I had a brand new boss who took me out to lunch and told me that he had been told about my situation and that I could always get another job but could not get another family. My dad only lasted three months, but I was glad I didn't have the added stress of an angry boss. It helps so much to have that support at work, but if you don't, you know what's important to you and have to do what's best for you and your family.
Good luck to you.
Thanks for all your posts of support. It really helps.
LF
Dad passed away on Sunday morning surrounded by his family. He went very quietly without any pain. I was able to spend a lot of time with him at the end and have no regrets.
Thank you all for your support and prayers.
LF
As hard as it is to lose someone so dear, you know they are in a better place and away from all their suffering. Your dad evidently had a wonderful life and was surrounded by those he loved at the end...not a bad way to ease out of this life!
Take care of yourself and do something good for you....
Rockie
It is so wonderful that you gave your dad a most precious gift -- time together. It is easy to hear the relaxation in your tone. Your dad was blessed to have you during his final time here.
Take some time.
Take care!
E Wart