Monday Punnies
HRQ
2,849 Posts
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'
11. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
12. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
13. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
16. A backward poet writes in-verse.
17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a-head.'
11. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
12. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
13. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.
15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
16. A backward poet writes in-verse.
17. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
Comments
Reader's Digest jokes... Hmmmmm..... LOVE that magazine. You are quite an inspiration, Paul! I'll be back soon with some quotes from Life in these United States.
Punning. Punshine. Frank and KSR6450 are punbelievable!
Those are always so fresh and funny! Not a stale one in the bunch. x;-)
Have any of you ever read (or even understood the concept) of the Reader Digest's "condensed" books?
I still have a Reader's Digest subscription but find there are often more ads than articles. The recent one on Laughter was good.
That, and Mad.
Alfred E Neuman and the classic, "What, me worry?"
That was truly a puntastic magazine!
(I may be the oldest current subscriber.)
You aren't living at home with your parent's right?
I live in a pop-up camper parked in their driveway.
This was back in the mid-60's when the dance "the Frug" was popular, and one of the poems I copied had a line in it saying something about "go Frug yourself". Most of the kids I hung out with at the time were pretty innocent and none of us had any inkling about that sounding bad in any way. I had rarely heard the "F" word itself at that point in my life and had no clue what it meant (yes, I was a very sheltered child) so I was totally baffled when the teacher freaked out after I distributed my newsletter. He called my mom, and they made me take back all the copies of it, and embarrassed me really badly in the process. I had no idea what the problem was, and to make it worse, my mother wouldn't even explain it to me, so I spent a couple of years pondering that poem and wondering what was wrong with it. I lived in fear of possibly inadvertently saying or doing something else that I didn't understand and finding out after the fact that it was a really bad thing to say or do.
I finally picked up enough knowledge (from other kids, not because my mom ever bothered to explain it to me) to know what the deal was but it left me with a fear of Mad magazine that lasted until I was in my 20's and married with kids of my own!