Palin Facts
ray a
5,703 Posts
The "Facts"
The following are some of the "Facts" about the Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. Do you dispute them? Do you dare???
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Sarah Palin DNA is so tough she doesn't use hairspray, her youngest daughter's spit keeps her hair in style 24/7.
Sarah Palin is so persuasive that when she worked in a convenience store as a teenager, she actually sold ice to an eskimo.
Sarah Palin's computer doesn't have an ESC key, because she never escapes - she pursues!
Sarah Palin has a half full case of Whup-ass in her fridge. She only needed half a can to clean up Alaskan politics. The rest of the case waits unopened, ready to ship to Washington, D.C.
Sarah Palin can cause earthquakes in California, just by making San Franciso liberals shudder.
With Palin as VP, our enemies will be sending McCain vitamin pills.
petefrt on September 7, 2008 at 10:50 AM
When Jack Bauer dials 911, the call is forwarded to Sarah Palin.
Forget the Boogeyman. When Chuck Norris goes to bed every night, he checks his closet for Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin can bring forth oil from Alaskan oil fields simply by pointing at the ground.
Iran is developing a nuclear weapon, because it *might* stop Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin is so tough, she makes the GOP the conservative party again.
Michael Phelps tried to swim against Sarah Palin, and drowned.
Sarah Palin lives her life in such a way as to make Satan shudder when she gets up in the morning.
When life hands Sarah Palin lemons, she uses them to beat terrorists. She hates lemonade.
Once, Sarah Palin slammed her garage door shut, and caused an avalanche in a mountain valley 12 miles away.
For extra credit in 4th grade Social Studies, Sarah Palin parachuted over North Vietnam and rescued John McCain from the Hanoi Hilton.
When Sarah Palin was doing commercial fishing she once broke all the fingers on one hand. Pain means nothing to Sarah, so she kept working for the rest of the day. What really made her mad was when she noticed that she broke a nail.
One time Sarah Palin was attacked in the Alaskan wilderness by a ferocious grizzly, but she was unharmed because she convinced the bear to be pro-life.
Scientists recently discovered that the real cause for the Aurora Borealis is Sarah Palin and her husband making love.
There are no hurricanes in Alaska because Sarah Palin prevents them.
Sarah Palin holds the women's record for the fastest mile. She did it in high heels and it's faster than the mens record.
The real cause of Global Warming is that there is someone as hot as Sarah Palin so close to the North Pole.
Oil is a fossil fuel, derived from the remnants of dead plants and animals. There is oil in Alaska only because Sarah Palin’s ancestors liked to hunt there.
She hunts and eats moose- not for the meat, but because one once crossed the street in front of her car, delaying her trip by 8 seconds. The insult was not forgotten.
During the months of Arctic darkness, the sun shines 24 hours a day in Juneau by executive order from Governor Palin.
When the Good Lord created woman, He used Sarah Palin as the model.
Sarah Palin is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly she will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Sarah Palin doesn’t churn butter. She roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Palin single-handedly excavated the Bering Strait on her lunch hour because she “…didn’t like the look of them Russkiesâ€
Alaska does not have the death penalty. Instead, murderers are offered the choice between life imprisonment or being given a one hour head start before Palin is allowed to hunt them down. So far, all have chosen life in prison.
Sarah Palin is so tough that she decided to take a ten minute stroll during her lunch hour and ended up winning the Iditarod.
Sarah Palin is so tough the podium ran away!
Palin is so tough, she will be her own Secret Service detail…
Bruce Willis is jealous of her children’s names. Wow.
Sarah Palin cures cancer by making Chuck Norris cry.
Q: What is the quickest way to a man’s heart?
A: Sarah Palin’s fist.
Sarah Palin is so tough that some days the Sun won’t even rise over Alaska.
Sarah Palin is so tough she blows her nose with Chuck Norris!
Sarah Palin is so tough, she teaches grizzly bears how to fish.
Sarah Palin is so tough she sharpens her hunting knives by giving herself a manicure.
Sarah Palin is so tough her father used to take her moose hunting at 3 in the morning… (actually really true)
Governor Palin is soooo smart, she relies on God for her strength! (also true)
Sarah Palin is so tough she didn’t take off work when she had her baby last Spring. She delivered the baby during a phone conference and finished the day.
Sarah Palin is so tough, when the glass ceiling heard of her nomination it didn’t shatter, it just fled in terror.
Sarah Palin is so tough she shaves her legs with a blowtorch while putting on her lipstick.
Sarah Palin is so tough that Osama bin Laden will now star in one of those Southwest Airlines “wanna get away†commercials.
Sarah Palin is so tough the 1975 Philadephia Flyers won’t play against her.
Sarah Palin doesn’t use bait when she is fishing. She merely touches the hook with a bit of her perfume and the fish jump into the boat.
Palin is so tough, her Moose kills show blunt force trauma…
I once saw Sarah Palin punch a hole through a cow just to see what was on the other side.
Sarah Palin is so tough…she digs for oil with her bare hands and doesn’t ruin her manicure!
Sarah Palin is so tough, she wears polar bear fur when it’s 40 below outside… while the polar bear is still alive.
The following are some of the "Facts" about the Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. Do you dispute them? Do you dare???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sarah Palin DNA is so tough she doesn't use hairspray, her youngest daughter's spit keeps her hair in style 24/7.
Sarah Palin is so persuasive that when she worked in a convenience store as a teenager, she actually sold ice to an eskimo.
Sarah Palin's computer doesn't have an ESC key, because she never escapes - she pursues!
Sarah Palin has a half full case of Whup-ass in her fridge. She only needed half a can to clean up Alaskan politics. The rest of the case waits unopened, ready to ship to Washington, D.C.
Sarah Palin can cause earthquakes in California, just by making San Franciso liberals shudder.
With Palin as VP, our enemies will be sending McCain vitamin pills.
petefrt on September 7, 2008 at 10:50 AM
When Jack Bauer dials 911, the call is forwarded to Sarah Palin.
Forget the Boogeyman. When Chuck Norris goes to bed every night, he checks his closet for Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin can bring forth oil from Alaskan oil fields simply by pointing at the ground.
Iran is developing a nuclear weapon, because it *might* stop Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin is so tough, she makes the GOP the conservative party again.
Michael Phelps tried to swim against Sarah Palin, and drowned.
Sarah Palin lives her life in such a way as to make Satan shudder when she gets up in the morning.
When life hands Sarah Palin lemons, she uses them to beat terrorists. She hates lemonade.
Once, Sarah Palin slammed her garage door shut, and caused an avalanche in a mountain valley 12 miles away.
For extra credit in 4th grade Social Studies, Sarah Palin parachuted over North Vietnam and rescued John McCain from the Hanoi Hilton.
When Sarah Palin was doing commercial fishing she once broke all the fingers on one hand. Pain means nothing to Sarah, so she kept working for the rest of the day. What really made her mad was when she noticed that she broke a nail.
One time Sarah Palin was attacked in the Alaskan wilderness by a ferocious grizzly, but she was unharmed because she convinced the bear to be pro-life.
Scientists recently discovered that the real cause for the Aurora Borealis is Sarah Palin and her husband making love.
There are no hurricanes in Alaska because Sarah Palin prevents them.
Sarah Palin holds the women's record for the fastest mile. She did it in high heels and it's faster than the mens record.
The real cause of Global Warming is that there is someone as hot as Sarah Palin so close to the North Pole.
Oil is a fossil fuel, derived from the remnants of dead plants and animals. There is oil in Alaska only because Sarah Palin’s ancestors liked to hunt there.
She hunts and eats moose- not for the meat, but because one once crossed the street in front of her car, delaying her trip by 8 seconds. The insult was not forgotten.
During the months of Arctic darkness, the sun shines 24 hours a day in Juneau by executive order from Governor Palin.
When the Good Lord created woman, He used Sarah Palin as the model.
Sarah Palin is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly she will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
Sarah Palin doesn’t churn butter. She roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Palin single-handedly excavated the Bering Strait on her lunch hour because she “…didn’t like the look of them Russkiesâ€
Alaska does not have the death penalty. Instead, murderers are offered the choice between life imprisonment or being given a one hour head start before Palin is allowed to hunt them down. So far, all have chosen life in prison.
Sarah Palin is so tough that she decided to take a ten minute stroll during her lunch hour and ended up winning the Iditarod.
Sarah Palin is so tough the podium ran away!
Palin is so tough, she will be her own Secret Service detail…
Bruce Willis is jealous of her children’s names. Wow.
Sarah Palin cures cancer by making Chuck Norris cry.
Q: What is the quickest way to a man’s heart?
A: Sarah Palin’s fist.
Sarah Palin is so tough that some days the Sun won’t even rise over Alaska.
Sarah Palin is so tough she blows her nose with Chuck Norris!
Sarah Palin is so tough, she teaches grizzly bears how to fish.
Sarah Palin is so tough she sharpens her hunting knives by giving herself a manicure.
Sarah Palin is so tough her father used to take her moose hunting at 3 in the morning… (actually really true)
Governor Palin is soooo smart, she relies on God for her strength! (also true)
Sarah Palin is so tough she didn’t take off work when she had her baby last Spring. She delivered the baby during a phone conference and finished the day.
Sarah Palin is so tough, when the glass ceiling heard of her nomination it didn’t shatter, it just fled in terror.
Sarah Palin is so tough she shaves her legs with a blowtorch while putting on her lipstick.
Sarah Palin is so tough that Osama bin Laden will now star in one of those Southwest Airlines “wanna get away†commercials.
Sarah Palin is so tough the 1975 Philadephia Flyers won’t play against her.
Sarah Palin doesn’t use bait when she is fishing. She merely touches the hook with a bit of her perfume and the fish jump into the boat.
Palin is so tough, her Moose kills show blunt force trauma…
I once saw Sarah Palin punch a hole through a cow just to see what was on the other side.
Sarah Palin is so tough…she digs for oil with her bare hands and doesn’t ruin her manicure!
Sarah Palin is so tough, she wears polar bear fur when it’s 40 below outside… while the polar bear is still alive.
Comments
Thank you!!
I am now voting Independent x}>
PS You are too funny.
Paul's going to love the references to his hero, Chuckie.
[url]http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/election2008/2008-09-11-palin-cover_N.htm[/url]