Pun intended
HRQ
2,849 Posts
1. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
2. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
3. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'
4. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
5. 6. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
7. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
9. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
10. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'.
11. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
12. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
13. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis...
2. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'
3. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'
4. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
5. 6. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
7. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
9. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
10. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'.
11. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
12. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
13. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis...
Comments
Hooo, ha. Bet that made you rofl. x;-)
And in honor of your birthday this week here are a few gems on aging...
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra class.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Have a wonderful year!!
My birthday was Saturday, and yes - I would turn back the clock to any age. My wife doesn't like to hear me say that, but that's the way it is.
I also really enjoyed my youth - but the future looks good, too. Don't let a 'number' define you and keep looking ahead!