Questions about 2010 Olympics
HRQ
2,849 Posts
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics these are some questions people the world over are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website:
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Comments
I'll opt for "not." :-)
Not trying to be a spoilsport, but again, while these may be cute, they're not actual questions asked by potential tourists on a tourism website:
[url]http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp[/url]
"Origins: This list of cheeky answers to dumb tourist queries has been circulated on the Internet in various forms since at least 2000. While 2006 iterations of the list position it as having to do with the 2010 Winter Olympics (which will be held in Vancouver, British Columbia), earlier Canadian versions merely noted the questions and answers had come from "An International Tourism Website" (always unnamed).
This list of howlers exists in at least two other forms, however: Australian and South African. It is an omnibus humor piece, in that the questions and insolent responses thereto can be reworked to fit most any country.
In 2000, the purported tourist inquiries were presented within a framework of their having been asked in relation to the summer Olympics (which were held in Sydney, Australia, that year). Versions being circulated offered the claims that these questions and answers were from "the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site," or were "Questions e-mailed to the Olympics Info Line," or merely "Posted on an Australian Tourism Website""
etc.
Yay urban legends. ;-)
I live not far from British Columbia, in Southeast Alaska, and over the years have heard some really interesting questions about the area, some of them every bit as silly as these questions.
One of the big ones we get a lot is "do you take American money?" Ummm....yeah, Alaska has been an actual state since 1959 and was a territory for a long time before that. The U.S. government doesn't allow us to make up and print our own "Alaskan currency".
This one was overheard by a local while standing on one of the docks where the cruise ships tie up: "How high above sea level are we?" (I believe the answer at the time was "about ten feet").
A lot of people want to know where we keep the polar bears and igloos, neither of which we have here (we're MUCH closer to Seattle than to the Arctic Circle). As for dogsled races, we rarely have enough snow to run a regular kid's toy sled on, much less a dog sled. You'll have to go much further north for that.
Some are absolutely amazed that we have supermarkets (and we even have a Wal-Mart). I've seen tourists taking pictures of such odd things as the State Farm insurance office (they couldn't believe State Farm actually had offices "way up here").
I am endlessly amazed at how little people know about the area before they come here, so some of this urban legend's questions are definitely within the realm of possibility!
I am often surprised when people visit places without ever bothering to find out anything (current history, that is) about them. I don't recall ever going any place that I had any odd pre-conceived notions about, but then I tend to read up on the places I'm going so I know what sorts of things I want to do while I'm there, etc.
Of course, those who really do ask the dumb questions are probably in the minority of tourists, we have over half a million of them come here every cruise season and the ones we remember tend to be the few who ask the stupid questions, not the hundreds of thousands of others who just enjoy the hours they spend here.
And in case ya'll are wondering, every day I have to clear the tumbleweeds from my hitchin' post before I can ride ole Paint to the local saloon here in the wild west desert. I have also become quite talented at dodging bullets during the shootouts. I bet I'd do just fine in Dodge City.
Here in Texas I make sure to put on my cowgirl hat and spurs before getting on the saddle and going to work, ya'll. Yes, everyone is named "Tex" and our national pasttime is shooting things while we drink Lone Star and eat chili. Oh - and we all adore the Alamo and George W.
Should we check snopes and see if there really is an Easter bunny?
This means I must go buy some new duds for Sunday. Can't risk being spat upon by dogs.
>I understand law school distorts perception, but I always enjoyed fiction over
>biographies.
>Should we check snopes and see if there really is an Easter bunny?
I also prefer fiction to nonfiction. I just prefer that fiction admit that it's fiction. I don't much like when something is fiction but claims to be nonfiction. Then again, I tend to be a little sensitive to dishonesty, even of the mostly-harmless kind. I will rarely even submit to the white lie - so if you just got a ridiculous haircut, don't ask me how I think it looks unless you don't mind hearing that I think it looks bad!
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and presume that your "law school" comment was intended in jest, but still, it reminded me of a pet peeve of mine, which somehow I didn't recall when the "pet peeve" thread was active: when people assume that the characteristics I exhibit - even in contexts or circumstances that have absolutely nothing to do with legal matters - are attributable to the fact that I'm a lawyer or that I went to law school. I guess another one would be the perpetuation of the myth that law school distorts perception.
But here you go, I'll post something I saw today that I thought was funny, regardless of whether or not it's actually true (probably not, and it's almost certainly not true that these came from UPS - [url]http://www.snopes.com/travel/airline/squawk.asp[/url] ). They're still worth a read:
UPS Airlines
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Don't sweat the lawyer reference Kimberly. Between the type of people attracted to law, the courses you have to take, the other lawyers you deal with and the type of clientele you get many lawyers begin to present a certain image. Others then tend to get a typical picture of what a lawyer is and is not. I totally understand that as I am an accountant who also does HR. For instance, I can be very anal at times, but I just atribute that to my accountant side. Since people expect that from accountants, it makes life much easier. ;;)
You know what is really weird about this post? I am identifying with a lawyer. What accountant does that? It must be the shared HR factor.
I'll likely not stop taking my jabs but please just try to jab back; I'm not being serious in those situations. If I get on my soapbox, it's a different story.
More importantly, your post on the UPS pilots and ground crew is funny everytime I read it, and even if it isn't factual I bet there's a thread of similarity to reality.
Another fun aspect of that world is the whole rivalry between FedEx and UPS, especially their pilots. My father has all sorts of jokes based on "What can Brown do for you?"
Great ending with the UPS post. Made me smile. x:D
>snopes research. Believe it or not, I'm usually described as anal at my
>company, but you seem to have me beat. x:-)
Interesting. There must be something about this forum (or the level of my participation on it) that doesn't allow my personality to come through accurately, since I honestly don't think anyone ever has told me I come across as serious, let alone "very serious." And absolutely never anal (except maybe with respect to the new hardwood floors in my house. I admit that).
My usual experience is that I talk to someone, or know someone for a bit, and then they say, "So, what do you do for work?" and I say, "I'm a lawyer," and they say, "REALLY???" and I say, "Yes," and they say, "Oh my gosh; I never would have guessed that." If I had a dime for every time that happened to me...
Also, I'll note that in the year-plus that I've posted here (I'm including my previous username), I've referenced snopes only twice ever. And I've made lighthearted posts! But everyone just focuses on the serious ones.
Maybe I'll just have to end all my posts with something I find humorous. Like this:
[url]http://images.despair.com/products/demotivators/demotivation.jpg[/url]
Also:
[url]http://images.despair.com/products/demotivators/motivation.jpg[/url]
Actually, a lot of these crack me up. You can view all of them here; they're worth a look if you haven't seen them already:
[url]http://despair.com/viewall.html[/url]
Most everyone who sees is smiles and nods knowingly.
"Just because you don't believe in it doesn't mean it won't eat you."
Keep posting and dont let the haters get you down! Yeah, I said haters. Thats how I roll. I'm edgy.
See, Paul doesn't understand... Forum chicks don't dig guys who walk in their Birkenstocks down a beach in the Pac NW while trying to imagine how great it would be if someone created a Broadway show commemorating the life of Leo Buscaglia. They dig bad boys who aren't afraid to get banned from the forum for a few weeks, or are willing to ride a motorcycle through a crowd of Obama haters whipping their noggins with their pants.
See?
One has twinkling lights.