HR Jokes

ray a

I'm bored today, so I'm granting Steaks' request.

[b]Fun Things to Ask Your Human Resources Representative[/b]

Will my health plan provide clean needles for my heroin habit?

If I die, do I have to show up at work to claim my life insurance money or will it be mailed to me?

What does 401K stand for?

If I run a 4 K 100 times in a year, will I qualify for a 401 K?

What if I eat 401 boxes of "Special K"?

(Stated loudly, whilst shaking head vigorously) Hmmmm... I don't like the sound of "being vested". Noooo sir-eee.

If I am adopted, is it me or my host family that gets the free paid vacation under the Family Medical Leave Act? If it's me then I'd like to pick Hawaii, please.

If I am accidentally disabled at the dentist's office whilst on paid personal sick leave on a religious holiday, what form do I need to fill out?

Is "sleepy" considered a long or short-term disability?<

Can I put anything besides money into my 401K? Like German bearer bonds, gold bullion, or Krugerrands for example?

Can I use sick leave if I am sick of work? Or sick of my boss? Actually, I feel a little sick right now. May I be excused?

Is there any way to realize my resource allocation management potential whilst leveraging my leadership achievement matrix?

How do I increase the size of my paycheck? Can I do this online?

NaeNae55

I actually have been asked what 401k stands for, as I am sure other here have been. Some of the other questions sounded familiar too, just with a slight twist. Here I was thinking what a great company I work for with wonderful employees and you just pointed out all their bonehead flaws. Oh wait! Was it ME who asked what 401k stands for before I started doing HR? #-o

ACU Frank

I had an employee call off work because her dog was acting depressed for a week or so, and spending some time together might help. She complained because I marked it as an unexcused absence and would not allow her to use sick time. I am happy to report that this particular employee is now free to spend all the time she wants with her dog, since she no longer has a position to report to here.

joannie

I suspected you were an animal rights activist, as well as a liberal.x:D

ray a

Jo, you'd like this one.

Do genital enlargement surgeries get coverage? (act disappointed upon hearing answer) Could you please explain why not?! (raise voice)

joannie

The answer to that is, "Although you were given two heads, you only have enough blood to supply one at a time, thereby rendering this surgery unneccessary. Our insurance does not cover unnecessary surgery.

ray a

Will AFLAC cover it? I was told to ask for it at work.

NaeNae55

Joannie after reading your posts I often find myself trying to come up with a reason to go down to Oklahoma, come see you and go out for drinks. I am sure you are a hoot to hang out with.

Nae

joannie

Hop on I-35 and head south. It runs right through Ardmore. And contact Coffee, she can head north on 35 about the same time you head south and you should both get here at the same time. We will have a blast!

ray a

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 02-27-08 AT 11:17AM (CST)[/font][br][br]Hey, what about us guys, can we join you?

ritaanz

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 02-27-08 AT 04:01PM (CST)[/font][br][br]Ray, after all the quips you have thrown at Jo, why would she want you to join them? There are lots of macho men in them there parts. They do not need to import one from NY.

NaeNae55

Hey Rita, I know it is hard to tell sometimes, but there IS a difference between macho and stupid/stubborn. x;-)

ACU Frank

The only "Macho Men" from New York were in The Village People.

ritaanz

Nae, you are soooooo right.

But after blasting him with the Don stuff, I felt he wouldn't be able to handle another one so soon. I hate to see a grown man cry and blubber.

ray a

I'm trying to understand here. Rit, you comment that there plenty of macho men near Jo, then Nae questions if they are truly macho or just plain stupid. Why would Nae denigrate the fine men of Arkansas? And is Frank truly a girly-man?

ritaanz

Yep, Nae was right, not macho just stupid/stubborn. Obviously, you have never seen "Oklahoma" .

joannie

Ray, I have to agree with Nae & Rita. s/s

ritaanz

Don't feel too bad Ray, I think it will look great on your resume or employment application. Under "Special Tarining or Skills" preferably.

joannie

IMG]http://i201.photobucket.com/albums/aa148/joannsimon/untitled.jpg[/IMG]

ray a

So Jo, is that what you look like. I"ve been wondering for a long time.

joannie

Actually, that does resemble my hair when I ride without a helmet on the trike.

FunHRBanker

I have to share an interviewing experience I had the other day. Woman comes in to speak with us. She never removes her coat during the entire interview (which smelled like a very dirty person, you know, that sweaty I haven't showered in days odor). The first question I asked was what she liked best/worst about her previous job. The answer to part a was appropriate, indicating that she enjoyed the duties of the position. The answer to part b was great. What she liked least: her boss. When I asked why, she replied, "He's an a**hole." THIS WAS THE FIRST QUESTION!

The other people in the interview were so shocked that one of them literally convinced herself that she had said "jerk." The other almost wrote down the quote. Some people just make your day by being, well, dumb. x:D

ACU Frank

I once allowed an applicant to hold her small baby throughout the interview. In the middle of the meeting, she pulled her shirt up and started breastfeeding the baby. It wasn't even one of those manuevers where you tuck the child under the shirt... She practically pulled her shirt over her head to show the world.