Heavy metal

Subject: New Element

A new addition to Chemistry's Periodic Table: Research has led to the discovery
of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium
(Gv), has one neuron, 25 assistant neurons, 88 deputy neurons, and 198 assistant
deputy neurons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it
is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with
which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a
reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to
four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it
does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neurons and deputy neurons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neurons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron
promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium
since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons



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