Summary of the Past Year on the Computer

HRQ

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the email about poop in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time !

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena is going to grant my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to someone, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of someone's concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so that a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks to the e-mail buddy who let me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricke d with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to somebody, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider may be lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites me.

And thanks to someone's great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sexual predator waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies !

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician !

Have a wonderful day :-) Oh, by the way.....
A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail With their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late !

ray a

Uh oh... Mt Dew is made by Pepsi.

HRQ

Do other soda companies put "Under God" on their cans? That one confused me. And what does God have to do with soda anyway? x:-)

cnghr

I am sitting here with a Diet Coke in my hand at this very moment and I can assure you that the words "Under God" do not appear anywhere on the can. As far as what God has to do with soda goes, I can tell you that there have been many times when I've opened the fridge and said "Thank God...there's one more Diet Coke left!" (Yes, I admit it, I'm seriously addicted to the stuff, but I guess there are worse habits I could have).

HRQ

I am a Diet Coke girl too. Diet Pepsi somehow manages to taste flat, even when it's fresh. DC has a nice bite to it.

Mt. Dew is nasty. Ray's addicted to it.

ray a

My niece's husband is a sales exec for Coke. he'd love you girls.

MD is good.

allsteaks

So here's the first post of 2008. Personally I'm an elder of the Pepsi generation, although my wife and I will splits Cokes once in a while.