Start the Weekend Right
allsteaks
791 Posts
Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, 'go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. 'These two are so old and drunk; I'm not wasting two of my girls on them.
They won't know the difference.'
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. as they are walking home the first man says,
'you know, I think my girl was dead!'
'Dead?' says his friend, 'why do you say that? well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.'
His friend says, 'could be worse I think mine was a witch.' 'A witch, why the hell would you say that?' "Well, I was making love to
her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite. Then she farted and flew out of the window!'
They won't know the difference.'
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business. as they are walking home the first man says,
'you know, I think my girl was dead!'
'Dead?' says his friend, 'why do you say that? well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.'
His friend says, 'could be worse I think mine was a witch.' 'A witch, why the hell would you say that?' "Well, I was making love to
her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite. Then she farted and flew out of the window!'
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest.
So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."