Mr. Forum America

HRQ

Let's start with our first contestant.

Paul hails from Cannon Beach, OR, and is wearing a lovely ice-blue sequined Speedo, with matching ice-blue sequined Manolo Blahniks.

Paul, the first category is "Spelling."

Please spell "intelligentally." No, you may not remove your stillettos for this portion of the competition. And stop fidgeting.

Paul in Cannon Beach

FORUM ALERT!! SUMMON RAGEE! TKESSLER!!! ANYBODY!!!

HRQ

Now Paul, you are the best contestant so far. Except for just that bit of fidgeting, you are keeping your composure. You made stunning costume choices and the other men are tugging and rearranging backstage trying to compete with your handsomeness and sequinned glory.

Don't throw it all away now.

Please spell "intelligentally" or forfeit this round.

Paul in Cannon Beach

i-n-t-e-l-l-i-g-e-n-i-t-a-l-l-y

HRQ

A good effort from Paul! Very nice! You have set the bar quite high for our other contestants.

Back to my co-host, Joannie. Joannie, please call on our next contestant.

joannie

Thank you Madam Q. However, I think we must double check contestant Paul's spelling. It appears he might have been checking to see if all his parts are there while he providing the answer.

joannie

Ladies and Gentlemen, while my co-host HRQ is certifying the answer from the first contestant, I will introduce our second contestant, ray a, from New York. Ray looks very sporty in those slinky red biker shorts. Ray, please take a walk down the center aisle.

ray a

I ain't taking off my trenchcoat!!!!!

HRQ

And our question for Ray:

If you could be a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Take your time.

ray a

American Hornbeam

HRQ

"The trunk of this tree is deeply rippled and looks like sinewy muscles."

Outstanding choice, Ray! And very humble of you to wear the trenchcoat so as not to embarass our other contestants.

Nae, he may just deserve an extra half-point for his cleverosity with this answer.

HRQ

(Shhhhhh - I was humoring him. He tried really really hard!)

joannie

And for our third contestant, stunningly dressed in leather and lace is Allsteaks from Kansas. Steaks, I must say that black and white holstein print is marvelous. Q, while Allsteaks makes his way down the runway, would you please pose his question.

HRQ

Ray is still working on his answer to the "tree" question.

While he's pondering, here's allsteaks' question:
Rare, medium, or well done? And why? Explain how your choice benefits the poor mapless people in Iraq and South America.

allsteaks

Well, uh, yes, uh, it is true that uh, you know, it's rare to see south americans in Kansas because they uh, you know, really haven't had the chance to, uh, find it on the medium of south american maps, know what I'm saying? But if we bring the South African teachers that are now teaching in Iraq, ya know, to uh South uh, South Amerifrican, then they can do well done on mapnessing. Do you have any lotion? The holstein hide is really chafing my________.

HRQ

Well said, allsteaks. Very eloquent. I do believe you have given Paul a run for his money.

Ray has chosen to pass on this portion of the competition. The tree question really threw him, however he feels he can make up for lost points in the talent competition. He's warming up his trombone and tap shoes right now.

Joannie, please announce the next contestant.

ACU Frank

Considering the question you asked him, maybe he decided to "make like a tree... and leave!"

Dutch2

It could be that Ray is just following his instructions and simply "taking his time"?

Paul in Cannon Beach

I think ACU Frank's appearance on this thread indicates he wants to compete.

joannie

Our next contestant is a set of twins from Missouri. Dutch 2 and ACU Frank, who, by the way, are joined at the hip, are appearing in an elegant white satin mini gown with a pearl encrusted bodice. I'm not certain what statement is intended with the black socks and loafers, but who am I to second guess style from Missouri. Madam Q, do you have their question prepared?

Dutch2

Now that's just plain spooky... I am wearing black socks and loafers today.

joannie

Ah, I see contestant Ray has finally answered. The Carpinus Caroliniana is an excellent choice. However, I wonder how practical those red stilletos are when you stand in a swamp every day.

HRQ

And the question for Dutch and Frank;

Missouri is known as the "Show Me State." Show me [i][b][font color=blue]what[/font][/b][/i]?

Note: Pageant rules dictate that conjoined twins both participate in the answer.

NaeNae55

Since the emcee positions are filled, I am designating myself as a judge.

Here is what I have so far:

Paul
Ice blue sequins on a speedo really make an impression (though I am not saying what kind). I give him a 10 for his costume. Though his personality shows up strongly in his answer to the question, I am afraid his spelling, in spite of his efforts, brings him back down again. He gets a 7. Total so far: 17 out of 20 (P.S.: Speedos can be dangerous. He nearly exposed himself while checking his parts. The fact that he didn’t is what helped him keep his 10.)

Ray
We could hardly see the red biker shorts under the trenchcoat. Ray was very trenchant about his trenchcoat though, so I am giving him a few points to offset the cover-up. He gets a 7 for his costume. I find the answer to his question a bit disturbing. I can make the connection to his love of his horn (don’t go there), but since the American Hornbeam requires very moist soil (they thrive in swamps) I have to wonder how he can manage one in NY. Wait. I am beginning to get the true picture of why he wears a trenchcoat, and it is not pretty. Still, I'll give him 8 points for his answer. It really fits him. Total so far: 15 out of 20.

Allsteaks
He looks simply mah-va-les in his leather and lace with the Holstein print. However, I have to decrease his points due to all the scratching he is doing. It keeps disarranging things. Costume score: 8. Judging contestants on the question portion is not hard at all when they make their answers as clear as Allsteaks did. Way to go Steaks! I am giving you a 10. Total so far: 18 out of 20.

The Twins
They had so much going on with the costume until they put their socks on. Silly boys! They should have been red! Costume score: 7. I can’t wait to hear the question and their answer so we can see how they compare to our other contestants.

To be continued…..

joannie

Thank you Judge Nae for your preliminary report. You have certainly shown why you are the most sought after judge for these events.

While we are waiting on my esteemed colleague, HRQ, to ask the twins their questions, I will introduce the next contestant.

Coming down the runway now encircled by a tiara of 10,000 butterflies is Larry from Minnesota. His pastel gown in 10,000 shades of blue covered by 10,000 sequins is enchanting. Oh look, his matching satin pumps are peeking out from 10,000 layers of chiffon. What a breath taking sight.

ACU Frank

I can't believe you would ask us "Show what?"

Didn't you see the picture Paul posted?

HRQ

Interesting answer to the question, Frank.

Waiting to hear Dutch's contribution... No poits are given until the question is answered by both halves of the contestant.

Dutch2

Can anyone "Show Me" how to help Frank get into this bustier He claims that it both lifts and seperates...

joannie

>Can anyone "Show Me" how to help Frank get into
>this bustier He claims that it both lifts and
>seperates...


Dutch2,
I believe it should be worn ABOVE THE WAIST.

Dutch2

Oh... that would make a big difference. Guess we had it upside down. Sorry, Frank.

joannie

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 08-28-07 AT 03:58PM (CST)[/font][br][br]Out next contestant is none other than M. Lee Smith's own TKessler. Tom, you look absolutely stunning in that Micheal Kors blue evening gown with the red and yellow cape. I can't think of any other contestant who could exemplify the title of Mr. Forum American better than you could in that outfit.