Advice Before the Wedding

joannie

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says it’s not quite as good as his mother made it

then buy a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ....

then buy a dog.

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies

then buy a dog.

If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores .

then buy a dog

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually

then buy a dog.

But, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness....................

then buy a cat!

HRQ

If you want someone who can bathe him/herself, can entertain him/herself for long periods of time, doesn't make much noise unless you are stupid enough to buy little toy balls with jinglebells in them or leave plastic soda bottle lids on the kitchen counter, doesn't take up the entire bed when you are trying to sleep, doesn't slobber, and doesn't need to be let outside or taken for a walk EVER....

...get a cat.

I like dogs, but I already live with an adult male and two small boys. I need a low maintenance pet.

joannie

"but I already live with an adult male and two small boys. I need a low maintenance pet.

No ma'am, you need a prescription for valium.