40 Things You'd Love to Say Out Loud
HRQ
2,849 Posts
40 THINGS YOU WOULD LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
1. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
2. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
5. How about never? Is never good for you?
6. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
7. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
8. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-a$$ed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder...my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh, I get it...like humor...but different.
1. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
2. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
5. How about never? Is never good for you?
6. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
7. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
8. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-a$$ed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder...my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh, I get it...like humor...but different.
Comments
Oh yeah, you mean I am only supposed to think these, not say them out loud?
I liked so many of them, that I won't even call out my favorites.
I learned to stop being insulted a long time ago. x:-)
Ooh, these things would also be particularly funny said out loud in various accents using the link on my "snarky days" thread.
"Don't think of it as losing your job. Think of it as gaining more unstructured time."
Or, a modified version of another quote:
"Have you ever noticed that the common denominator in all your failed employment relationships* is you?"
*Replace "failed employment relationships" with "coworker disputes", "problems with management", or other terms as appropriate.