Airline Humor
nohr4u1yr
218 Posts
After every flight,Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tellsmechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems;document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheetsbefore the next flight.
Never let it be said that groundcrews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaintssubmitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (markedwith an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
.. Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
?
And the best one for last.................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding onsomething with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Never let it be said that groundcrews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaintssubmitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (markedwith an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
.. Enjoy!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
?
And the best one for last.................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding onsomething with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Comments
-Abby