The Men's List
NM _Tom
69 Posts
I received this from a friend- thought I would share.
Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answerer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answerer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Comments
Then you'll complain that we're talking about you to "everyone"! We can't win...
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Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Sometimes, it's what boy friends are for. x:D
Speaking for myself only, I don't care if you scratch it. Scratch all you want, anywhere you want, any time you want. You can remove the toilet seat for all I care. Don't go shopping, I have my own charge card with your name on it. So you think Victoria's Secret is foxy, let's see you in a thong. You like sphere shaped? Good. When you roll off the bed, I can laugh and not hurt your feelings.
Oh, I am so happy that I can wear that low cut, slinky mini to your mom's.
Tata.
How can anyone have too many shoes??? I think I'll take his visa and go see what's on sale at the mall...
Glad it's somebody else in their crosshairs for a change. x;-)
Not wanting to hijack the thread, I will contribute to the discussion - yes, you CAN have too many shoes. Five pair (max) is all ANYONE needs. x;-)
Hi Parabeagle, wlecome back! Yes, how was Bama? Was it REALLY worse than a root canal???
oops, I posted while you were answering! As for the shoes....FIVE only?? I have well over 60 all total, do I have to give some back????x:-/
As for shoes if I had my way I'd never wear any at all! I hate shoes so only have 2 black/1 navy/1 brown/1 white and all clothes seem to work with one of those colors. Oh I do have a pair of athletic shoes which I've had for at least 10 years only time I've worn those was when I broke my foot but I guess that makes 6 pairs of shoes.
And just because you asked us doesn't mean it takes top priority. We have "other things" on our list that just might and probably do take priority.
And no, ESP is not a sports channel.
<1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.> So you can get frustrated (i.e., pi**ed off) by our overwhelming knowledge? x;-)
<1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. > Well, duh, that's what I keep telling him. #-o