When Incentive Programs Attack

Parabeagle

We have a quarterly contest in which employees can nominate their coworkers for awards if they have performed their duties in an outstanding manner or have otherwise gone above and beyond the call. Following is the abridged text of a nomination I received for a nonexempt, hourly-paid housekeeper that made me reach for my Purple Pill and the Excedrin:

"(insert name here) has devoted the last 18 years to this company. She goes out of her way every day to make sure that the guests are happy, safe and comfortable. she is a very kind, caring and compassionate person who loves to come to work and does whatever it takes, even off the clock to get the job done. She also does lots of extra work at home sewing sheets and pillow cases so the company doesn't have to buy new ones."

ARGGGHHHHH!!!!! #-ox:'(

mwild31

Nice, beags! I thought you worked in the hotel industry - didn't realize it was a sweat shop! x:D

Parabeagle

It's not SUPPOSED to be. I know I'M not making enough if this is, indeed, a Nike plant. x;-)

mwild31

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 07-08-04 AT 06:03PM (CST)[/font][br][br]hahaha, Nike plant, hahaha, hey, wait a mintue, my sister just got a job there working as an admin. assistant to the HR department...

Parabeagle

As long as it's not an AA to HR in Vietnam I think she's OK. x;-)

System

and does whatever it takes, even
>off the clock to get the job done. She also
>does lots of extra work at home sewing sheets
>and pillow cases so the company doesn't have to
>buy new ones."
>

I detect an FLSA issue.

Parabeagle001

Gee - ya THINK????

Why do you think the first phone message that GM is going to have tomorrow morning is from Yours Truly, Sam? x:-)

Gillian3

How much money have you saved? Multiply by "X" number of employees and you'll have a real racket going.

SDDCHR

Get the check book out!

HRQ

"Dear Employee: Congratulations on being awarded Employee of the (whatever)! In lieu of the usual $500 bonus check, please accept the enclosed paycheck for all the hours you apparently worked which your supervisor knew or should have known about because of the truckloads of finished work you brought in every Monday morning. Oh, and please consider this your first and final warning for working unauthorized overtime. Thanks again!"

"Dear Supervisor: Congratulations on having one of the best employees in the company working in your very own department! You inspire commitment and loyalty like no other. Oh, and please consider this your first and final warning for allowing an employee to work unpaid for all these years. In several training sessions for which you've signed certificates of acknowledgment, I've advised that if you know or should know an employee is working off the clock, you must consult with me so I may help you ensure we are compliant with Wage & Hour laws. Should this ever be discovered in a Wage & Hour audit, rest assured I'll pay someone named Guido to hand down appropriate punishment."

x:D

Don D

Oh, And Dear HR Manager: For sticking your head in the sand for the past three years and pretending all was well and never acknowledging that any of this was going on, even though you knew or should have known, please accept as a token of our gratitude, this bronze statue of the backside of a rhesus monkey, to signify our undying gratitude to you and your 'head in the sand' outlook. You have saved us a couple of hundred bucks in overtime wages. We shall balance that against some several hundred thousand in attorney fees to litigate this dilemma. Thoughtfully, your management team. We will only give neutral references.

HRQ

8-|

Paul in Cannon Beach

Awesome post Beags...

Ignorance is bliss. Sweet sweet bliss.

ritaanz

Beaglepuss, not to worry. I have the perfect solution. You can fire her for stealing the hotel's linens. Viola! End of dilemma. You are welcome. x:P