The parable of the Happy and Productive Worker

Rob S

Once upon a time in a company not far away, there was a worker. He was a productive, happy worker, but alas, he was unsupervised.
The company saw that the worker was unsupervised and made a supervisor.
The coordinator saw that the worker was productive and happy and made a lead worker to make the worker more productive and happier.
The company saw that the department in which the productive, happy worker worked had grown and made a manager to manage the department in which the productive, happy worker worked productively and happily.
The manager saw that the worker was productive and happy and made an assistant manager to help manage the department in which the productive, happy worker worked.
The company saw that the department where the happy, productive worker worked had grown and made an administrator to administer the department in which the productive, happy worker worked.
The administrator saw that the worker was productive and happy and made an assistant administrator to assist in administering the department in which the productive, happy worker worked.
More people were added until the director saw that the department was losing money. So he consulted a consultant. The consultant examined the department in which the productive, happy worker worked productively and happily and advised there were too many people in the department in which the productive, happy worker worked.
And the director paid heed to the counsel of the consultant and fired the productive, happy worker.

marc

I am pretty sure I worked for that company.

ritaanz

My definition of a consultant is someone who borrows YOUR watch to tell you what time it is.

System

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 05-17-04 AT 05:31PM (CST)[/font][br][br]My definition of a consultant is someone from out of town. x;-)

James Sokolowski
HRhero.com

Pricehcs

My favorite:

A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The storeowner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats. "The one on the left costs $500," says the storeowner. "Why so much?" asks the customer. "Because it can program in C," answers the storeowner. The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, "That one costs $1500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology." The startled man then asks about the third monkey. "That one costs $3000," answers the storeowner. "3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?" To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a consultant.”

#1 thing a consultant shouldn't say: "I could tell you the answer right now, but we're committed to a three month project..." #-o

Pricehcs

Working for a consulting firm, you have to be willing to take shots at yourself, so here goes...

A factory has a major problem that closed their manufacturing line. A consultant is brought in. The Consultant wanders around the factory floor, listening, poking. Finally, he takes out a small hammer and taps gently a few times on one particular piece of machinery. The factory line roars back to life, production once again in progress. The factory managers are ecstatic.
A week later, the factory receives the invoice from The Consultant. The price was $900 for less than one hour of work. The factory's business people fumed and asked The Consultant for an explanation. The Consultant offered to send in an itemized invoice. The business people said, "yes, please do." A second invoice arrived. It had two line items. Item 1 was, "Rectifying Problem with Hammer Hit...$1" Item 2 was, "Knowing Where to Hit the Hammer...$899"




#1 thing a consultant shouldn't say: "I could tell you the answer right now, but we're committed to a three month project..." #-o

Pricehcs

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 05-18-04 AT 10:45AM (CST)[/font][br][br]Another good one:

Once upon a time, an American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their moral sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action. Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year, the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought to do it. The next year the Japanese team won by two miles. The American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe, awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.

#1 thing a consultant shouldn't say: "I could tell you the answer right now, but we're committed to a three month project..." #-o