-You no longer associate bridges with water.
-You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
-You can make instant sun tea.
-You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
-The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
-You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
-You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
-You know the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
-Hot water comes out of both taps.
-You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
-No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
-You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
-You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
-It's so hot the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
-It's so hot farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
-You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce and ketchup.
-You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
-The mosquitoes have landing lights.
-You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
-You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy boots.
-When it rains, everyone is smiling.
-High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
-People wonder, when Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
-The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"

-It's a common misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really, everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.

-It's a common misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us.

-It's a common misconception that JR Ewing still lives here. That was a TV show people! Come on! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin' Texas Ranger.

-It's a common misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day.

A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?" A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does. Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days and 40 nights?" The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood." "Well," the rancher puffed up, "we got about two and a half inches of that!"


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