TOP EIGHT MORONS OF THE YEAR ...
Beave
263 Posts
TOP EIGHT MORONS OF THE YEAR - Truth is stranger than fiction 
)
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter whos lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot, the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE:
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check underneath, he came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER ..THIS IS TRUE... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
)1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter whos lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours
attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a
lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot, the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was
arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a
finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE:
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out drive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to
check underneath, he came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER ..THIS IS TRUE... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Comments
Great way to start the morning .. .Thanks.
To be a meteorologist...yesterday I prepared for a full out storm, this morning I prepared for maybe an inch later today. How nice to be wrong every day and still have a job. x;-)
We, in South Carolina, got hit real hard Monday with an ice storm, the like of which we haven't seen in 30 years. Anyway....we've got these Nascar Wanna-bes that don't seem to realize they can't drive 70 miles an hour on ice! I was behind one today that hit ice on a bridge at about 70 and if did everything but somersault in the middle of the interstate. If anyone had been anywhere close to him, he would have taken them out!
Thank God we don't get bad weather that often. It's bad enough dealing with these idiots every day driving to work in clear weather...not to mention hazardous conditions!
I feel like getting a license plate that reads UMORON. If they get close enough, it applies to them!
My vent for the day!