Oldie but Goodie

sonny

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 12-04-03 AT 09:09AM (CST)[/font][br][br]Don't remember if this was posted here last year, but I still get a chuckle out of it when it goes around every year. Certainly fits with some recent discussions.. . .

"December 1st

TO: All Employees

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23 at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols. . feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
HR Director
_______________________

December 2nd

TO: All Employees

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employess. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year.) However, from now on we're call it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies toemployees who are celebrating Kanagawa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
HR Director
_______________________

December 3rd
TO: All employees

Regard the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a on-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous any more. In addition, forget about the gift exchange...no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
HR Director

___________

December 7th

TO: All employees

I'be arranged for member of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the desser buffet and pregnant women closet to the restooms. GAys are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have tosit with the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table.
Happy now?

Patty Lewis
HR Director
__________________

December 9th
TO: All Employees

People, people. .nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan" there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis

______________-----

December 10th
TO: All Employees

Vegetarians. .I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death" as you put it, and you'll get sald bar only, including hydropincs tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now . .HA! I hope you all have a rotten holiday.. Drive drunk and die. .you hear me?

The bitch from Hell

_________________

December 14th

TO: All Employees

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Terri Bishop
Acting HR Director

Dutch2

It becomes more meaningful every year.
Thanks for the reminder.
Dutch2

Parabeagle

Maybe it would be more appropriate to post this in the thread on the Menorah as a holiday decoration (don't get anyone started on the symbolism of the Christmas tree, though). x;-)

ray a

When I first saw this a couple of years ago, I thought it was real funny. Now, unfortunately, it has come true.

mwild31

I love this, each and every time I read it. Thanks for sharing it again x:-)

FHR

You made me laugh!!!
I have not seen that one before. It's quite close to the truth. I loved the vegetarian memo.
Cristina

DeidreFR5

I had been looking for this last night. It isn't the holidays without reading this. But I miss the section about the "Earth-based Goddess Worship" employees burning sage at the "grill of death". Happy Winter Solstice to all!