Interview Questions, from Joke of the Day
jules2001
100 Posts
Today's Joke
Job Interview Answers for Tough Questions...
Question : Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer : It sucked.
Suggestion : I felt my talents and abilities were underutilized.
Question : What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer : I can't concentrate for more than five minutes,
hate all forms of authority, and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
Suggestion : I'm a workaholic. I just don't know when to put
down my work.
Question : You seem to have moved around a lot in a short amount of
time. Why should we think you'll stay here any longer than
you've stayed elsewhere?
Real answer : My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only
non-competent employees.
Suggestion : I'm at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around.
I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I
can make a contribution.
Question : How do you handle change?
Real answer : I deal with it everyday unless I'm out of clean underwear.
Suggestion : I think everyone knows that today the only constant
is change. I thrive on it.
Question : : How do you get along with others?
Real answer : I hate people, as long as they stay out of my face.
Suggestion : I think the interpersonal dynamics of the work place can
be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
Question : What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer : It means that I don't have to drag my sorry butt out
of bed to kiss yours.
Suggestion : Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a
difference working with a team of people to make a more
profitable enterprise.
Question : What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer : It means I continue to collect unemployment
insurance, with the hope of a 6 month extension.
Suggestion : Failure? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean. That
word is not in my vocabulary.
Question: Do you get along with your current boss?
Real answer: I get along fine considering what kind of a
malicious jerk he is.
Suggestion : I don't think I'd call him a boss; he's been more
of a mentor to me.
Question : Do you ever get angry with coworkers?
Real answer : I don't get angry. I get even.
Suggestion : Nothing angers me more than to see a coworker
not pulling his weight, goofing off, or stealing. Yes,
sometimes I do get angry with coworkers.
Question: Can I contact your references?
Real answer : Sure, but they wont know who I am.
Suggestion : Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.
Question: What words best describe you?
Real Answer: Genius, Horny, Dog, Clockwatcher, Unorganized,
Lazy
Suggestion: Compassionate, Creative, Team player, Organized,
Efficient
Job Interview Answers for Tough Questions...
Question : Why did you leave your last job?
Real answer : It sucked.
Suggestion : I felt my talents and abilities were underutilized.
Question : What are your biggest weaknesses?
Real answer : I can't concentrate for more than five minutes,
hate all forms of authority, and tend to fall asleep at my desk.
Suggestion : I'm a workaholic. I just don't know when to put
down my work.
Question : You seem to have moved around a lot in a short amount of
time. Why should we think you'll stay here any longer than
you've stayed elsewhere?
Real answer : My employers have always had a hang-up about keeping only
non-competent employees.
Suggestion : I'm at a point in my career where I am tired of moving around.
I really want to feel part of a team, a long-term enterprise, where I
can make a contribution.
Question : How do you handle change?
Real answer : I deal with it everyday unless I'm out of clean underwear.
Suggestion : I think everyone knows that today the only constant
is change. I thrive on it.
Question : : How do you get along with others?
Real answer : I hate people, as long as they stay out of my face.
Suggestion : I think the interpersonal dynamics of the work place can
be among the most satisfying aspects of any job.
Question : What does the word success mean to you?
Real answer : It means that I don't have to drag my sorry butt out
of bed to kiss yours.
Suggestion : Success, for me, would be knowing I am making a
difference working with a team of people to make a more
profitable enterprise.
Question : What does the word failure mean to you?
Real answer : It means I continue to collect unemployment
insurance, with the hope of a 6 month extension.
Suggestion : Failure? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean. That
word is not in my vocabulary.
Question: Do you get along with your current boss?
Real answer: I get along fine considering what kind of a
malicious jerk he is.
Suggestion : I don't think I'd call him a boss; he's been more
of a mentor to me.
Question : Do you ever get angry with coworkers?
Real answer : I don't get angry. I get even.
Suggestion : Nothing angers me more than to see a coworker
not pulling his weight, goofing off, or stealing. Yes,
sometimes I do get angry with coworkers.
Question: Can I contact your references?
Real answer : Sure, but they wont know who I am.
Suggestion : Maybe I can arrange to have them contact you.
Question: What words best describe you?
Real Answer: Genius, Horny, Dog, Clockwatcher, Unorganized,
Lazy
Suggestion: Compassionate, Creative, Team player, Organized,
Efficient
