Letter From Santa Claus
Margaret Morford
1,143 Posts
Just to make you laugh:
Subject: Letter from Santa Clause
From: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve
the states of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South
Carolina,Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the
new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so
keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin,
Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. Bubba shares my
goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a
few differences between us. Such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson".
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC Cola and a Moon Pie (or pork rinds). And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe.
He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
once and now Blitzen's head is mounted over Bubba's mantle.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on LaBonte, on
Jarrett and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally.....
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 1225
Margaret Morford
theHRedge
615-371-8200
[email]mmorford@mleesmith.com[/email]
[url]http://www.thehredge.net[/url]
Subject: Letter from Santa Clause
From: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve
the states of Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South
Carolina,Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the
new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies, so
keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin,
Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. Bubba shares my
goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a
few differences between us. Such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson".
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
an RC Cola and a Moon Pie (or pork rinds). And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe.
He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
once and now Blitzen's head is mounted over Bubba's mantle.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on LaBonte, on
Jarrett and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are
likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state
patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally.....
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Member of North American Fairies and Elves, Union 1225
Margaret Morford
theHRedge
615-371-8200
[email]mmorford@mleesmith.com[/email]
[url]http://www.thehredge.net[/url]
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