Resume Bloopers - What NOT to put on your resume...

HS

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
--Responsibility makes me nervous.
--They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions.
--Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.
--I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
--The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

--While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

--I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

--Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.

--My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

--I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
--Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

PERSONAL INTERESTS:
--Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
--Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
--Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.
--Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.
--I'm a rabid typist.
--Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.

sonny

Wonderful, you made my day!!

Human Resources Manager

I'll bet that last one isn't a typo!x:D

HS

Glad I made someone's day!

x:D

I don't get to hear that phrase often, so thank-you.

And yes, I'm sure that on more than one person's resume that last one is a truth!

LisaMN

Those are excellent x:7

I have two that always make me smile

one from a gentleman who had worked in marketing for a company that manufactures feminine hygiene supplies.

he had "Led the Global Panty Liner Team" (who knew there was one?)


one on an application from a small town medical center. In response to the question Do you have any relatives employed at our facility?

Response "No, but please don't hold that against me."

bamahr

Two of my all time favorites.

Reasons for Leaving Last Place of Employment:
Went to Jail
Did not get along with Management

HS

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 12-02-02 AT 12:25PM (CST)[/font][p]Now both those last two {from Lisa and bamahr} are hilarious...

Sorry for not responding sooner, was away for the holidays.

Hope everyone's Turkey Day was great!

WOCO Frank

One of my favorite applications had this:

Reason for leaving: "Hire me first, and then I'll tell you all about it."

HS

>One of my favorite applications had this:
>
>Reason for leaving: "Hire me first, and then I'll tell you all about
>it."


Now that is a good one...so, did you hire him/her...and did he/she tell you all about it...must have been quite a story.

WOCO Frank

No, that one didn't even get an interview.

Most of our jobs require some paperwork to be completed in the normal course of a day's work - cash accounting, inventory control, etc. The first step for me in screening applicants is to see if their application is filled out completely and accurately. An applicant who writes something like "hire me first, then I'll tell you" gives me bad vibes. I don't want to come across a P/L worksheet that says "give me my bonus first, then I'll tell you how profitable I was this month."

For similar reasons, I also pay close attention to handwriting. If you can't write legibly on a job application, why should I expect to be able to read your shift reports after I've hired you?

I guess I'm "old school", but I expect every serious applicant to present their best image throughout the application process. If they can't, then I'm not going to risk the company's image in their hands.

Don D

Dittos for the 'old school' approach! Agree with everything you said. This sorta sounds almost like 'doing things that make sense' rather than in knee-jerk reaction to a federal or state law.

HS

When I have the luxury of too many resumes, (which unfortunately is now all too often with this economy...don't get me started!) I do the same thing. If I ask for salary requirements/history, it better be addressed or listed; ditto with a cover letter. I can't be bothered with people who can't follow simple instructions, it makes me wonder if they really read the ad or if that is how they'll handle instructions on the job. If the resume has typos or is too convoluted, I may not bring them in either; regardless of their experience level. A resume is a first impression.

On the flip side however, I've brought in people whose resumes were less than stellar (in those down times when we don't get many resumes) and have found excellent employees!

Who knew that HR was going to require one to be psychic? (Or psycho, depending on who you talk to. x:D )

Hunter1

Agree with Don & Frank, and here's a question that I haven't been able to get an answer to: Why don't people SIGN their cover letters? I'd estimate that close to half of the cover letters that I get aren't signed. Is this something they teach/don't teach in school?

sonny

Unsigned cover letters annoy me, but my "favorites" are the ones that come in on their current employers letterhead or in their company envelope! TACKY! All of this makes me want to go back to teaching job seeking skills!!!

bamahr

Do you ever get applicants wearing baseball hats or chewing gum. They annoy me.

Don D

I can tolerate baseball caps and chewing gum if the jobs are exempt, perhaps production or maintenance or part time. I once told a junior college class "If you come to see me for an interview and don't plan to take your cap off, at least I expect you to turn it around frontwards!" What really ticks me is the high dollar sales candidates we fly in from all over the country whose cell phones go off 3 times during an interview, AND THEY ANSWER THEM! I have on occasion asked them to turn the phone off.

LisaMN

Just a curious question about candidates. I had a department manager call me to tell me about an interview she's conducted with a patient care candidate. Evidently the candidate reeked of cigarette smoke. She wanted to know if she could tell her that was the reason she wasn't going to get the job......I said of course to err on the side of caution and use the usual line.

Would you tell the truth?

Just FYI, I'm going to take my SPHR exam tomorrow. Anyone who would like to say a prayer, light a candle, do a pagan dance or any other luck bringing things I'd appreciate it.......

Don D

Good luck. I will toast you with a Miller Lite tonight at the seafood buffet. I would find another reason to tell her I didn't hire her, if I told her at all. Normally I don't give a reason other than the generic one.