What's the funniest excuse you've ever heard?



  • My mother was HR for a company in Australia that had engineers working at utility companies and they would be called to various sites in the middle of nowhere to fix whatever problems arose.

    She received a call from one of the engineers to say that he couldn't make it to his next call as his van was too badly damaged. When she asked whether he had been involved in a motor vehicle accident he replied "not exactly".

    What exactly had happened?

    Apparently he had left the back doors open while he was working at the current site and a large kangaroo had jumped into the van and being trapped had gone berserk, jumping around madly and had severely damaged the interior of the van.

    My mother then asked him whether there were any witnesses to the incident, to which he replied "Yes, another kangaroo"
  • I hesitate on this one but here goes anyway. One of our ee's lives 30 miles away and on a snowy morning he arrived 45 minutes late. We have an absence request form and on the reason for absence line he wrote "permanent erection"
  • As a government contractor, we do very thorough background checks.
    Our application asks specifically if the applicant has any felonies - and we tell the applicant we do thorough background checks and complete drug screening.

    We had an applicant that had the right experience so he was background checked.
    When his check came back as a convicted felon, we asked him about it and he was truly shocked we had found out. He kept asking "How did you find out?"... duh... I guess this applicant thought we were kidding about the background check?
  • I have a couple of really recent ones:

    We had a guy call in to tell us his doctor told him he shouldn't be out in the rain, so he couldn't come in to work. (He works inside.) I knew he didn't have a phone at home, so I asked him where he was calling from. He said he walked to a phone booth up the road from his house.
    This is the same guy who said that he was too sick to go to the doctor another day.

    Another guy called in to work sick. As he was telling us how sick he was, his wife was obviously staged behind him saying, "Baby, please come back to bed. You are too sick to be making a phone call. You are going to fall down. Please come back to bed."
  • If I heard a female voice in the background saying, "Baby please come back to bed," especially if she said it twice, I might make the phone call too.
  • We had OSHA come in on a tip that our air was not clean to breath in a repair department. This department has 18 employees, and they DA sand parts. The MIOSHA representative hooked up 4 ee's to a ventilater type machine. One ee was throwing dirt and particles in the machine in an attempt to throw off his readings. When the ee's were on break, the owner of our company went out to talk to this ee about why he was doing that. The owner caught the ee's in his car smoking a joint. The ee' was terminated. The owner walked the ee inside the building to collect his personal belongings. He (the owner) told the MI-OSHA rep that the ee would not be participating in the 2nd half of the study because he was caught smoking pot, and is terminated. The OSHA rep. looked at our owner and said, "that wont effect my readings." As if we would let the ee' stay!

  • I'm in Michigan, winters are long and cold. We have a outdoor yard and a few ee's assigned to that area. I cought one drinking. When confronted the ee told me "I won't lie you you, It's cold outside. I take a nip here and there to stay warm."
  • [font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 03-26-03 AT 11:14AM (CST)[/font][p]I had a superintendent tell me that the latest excuse one employee gave upon arriving 1 1/2 hours late, that he was "coming down the interstate and when the car shifted from 3rd to fourth, the car steered really hard left and I drove off into the meteor." I said that that I thought the employee lived in Ogden, not outer space but the super stated he thinks he just spent the night there. (ha, ha, he was joking ok, I have great supers).
  • Yesterday one of our employees was about 2 hours late. It was such a nice morning she decided to take her pet ram for a little walk before work. While on this little walk she bent over to pick up something and he butted her in the well... butt. It knocked her over giving her several bruises. Today she has even more aches and pains from it.
  • Our Safety and Environmental Health person just told me a funny. He was in a meeting with our anatomy lab employees talking about how the fume eradication equipment works. The lab tech, whose job it is to embalm cadavers, said that he didn't think that the equipment was working because he never smelled any fumes. I think that he's in the right job.
  • The Personnel Specialist who works for me showed 15 minutes late today. She got partway to work and realized she left her curling iron on and had to go back home to turn it off. Her hair looks good today.
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