Thank you Marc! I can see her(the ee's)side in regards to not wanting her husband to go to jail or be charged with domestic violence. It is very easy to get wrapped up with, what about the kids, money, a place to live, what will family and friends think, I love this person why is this happening, if I change then he won't do this, etc.
But, when you remove your emotions from the situation it becomes totally clear that no one deserves to be abused in any way. And you are not the one causing this person to act this way. Then it becomes REAL EASY to put that smile back on your face, pack your things and leave with your dignity, pride and a new understanding of life.
I have also learned not to be ashamed of what happened to me - It gives me a great opportunity to be able to help someone else see that it's not right and/or normal and that you can make it in life without this person.
Ok, I am stepping down from my soap box - I need to get back to work.
nohr4u1yr, I am was also a victim of domestic violence while I was in college. My friends and roommates were a great source of support for me. I can also see the employee's side of this. You're afraid worse things will happen if you leave. Things will get better if I just do this to keep him happy. It's better for the kids to have two parents, etc. I sought out the help of a college counselor who connected me to resources available in the area. JC-The best advice I can give you is to follow the advice given above. Everyone has great suggestions. Good luck with the situation.
Just to add my two cents - I'm in favor of distributing the photo, not just to the front desk, but also to the folks by the back door (we had an enraged spouse come in that way after her husband was terminated), managers, and anyone behind you in that front door area. A temporary security guard is also a good idea. Make sure they have the photo also, and set up a relationship with them and the police department. The security guard can not only be present as a deterent and "insurance", but can also walk any employee who is concerned about the situation to their vehicle. (Make sure her closest friends/associates at the office are covered too re hostage situations.) The police drive by is also good. We also had a police officer come in and do a lunch training on not only how to protect yourself, but how to be more aware of the people around you, both for protection and to build recall for identification purposes (train yourself to ID height, weight, clothing, hair color, tatoos, etc.). A restraining order is a good idea, but a couple of years ago a local woman was shot and the bullet literally went through the restraining order before it killed her, so it's just paper. Also, the Supreme Court this last term didn't do much for the Colorado woman who wanted the police to enforce her restraining order. Lobbying to change those laws would also be a good thing for the long term.
Hopefully you have already found the Family Violence Prevention Fund ([url]www.fvpf.org[/url]), which is located in California and is a great resource. This is an area of particular interest to me. I was a legal advocate for our local shelters while in law school and I have written a number of articles and book chapters on businesses dealing with these problems. (I also provide DV Policies to a lot of my corporate clients.)
So, with all of that for background, please excuse my little scream of frustration. Aaaaahhhhhh. Unless I missed it, we have some 40-plus responses without anyone suggesting that you desperately need to have your employment counsel involved. Why? Because some of the suggestions here may well get the company into a lot of trouble. For example, there are a number of court decisions that say that firing a person because she is the victim of domestic violence violates gender discrimination statutes. (Yes, men can be victims of DV too, but it is nowhere near as common.) In addition, state privacy laws may seriously curtail how much you tell other employees. At the same time, there is no question but that you need to take reasonable steps to ensure your employees' safety (including the individual whose husband we are talking about). This is a very trickly tightrope to walk and I don't think you want to be doing it without assistance.
Good luck.
Evan
(P.S. If memory serves, it takes an abused partner, on average, 7 attempts to leave to finally make the break. Even if the employee doesn't manage to do it this time, if she knows that you will be there to support her in the future, it will make it much easier when she finally gets to the point where she is ready to leave.)
First, with all due respect to our current and former military personnel, I apologize for saying I do not have much faith in the military base to protect the young woman.
The following is a true story and occurred in 1996 in Colorado Springs. At the time I was in Ohio going to school. My roommate was from Colorado where her husband was in the military. They had befriended a civilian woman who worked on the base who had finally "said enough!" to the physical abuse she was receiving from her domestic partner. He was a military man and also worked at the base. The young woman had a restraining order, but it had no jurisdiction on the military base. My roommate and her husband and taken the woman into their home and she was living there instead of on the base. She had a week to go and then she was leaving the base, moving out of state, and was to begin a new life.
Well, the bas****d got her anyway. Came to the location where she worked on the base, and called to her to come outside. Her friends and co-workers were afraid for themselves and for her, but she went ahead and met him anyway. Well, her life ended that day. One week more and she would have been free of him.....such a waste!
As to the poster's message, secure the premises, hire an "armed" off-duty officer, get a picture to the receptionist, alert the local police to keep an eye out for perp and vehicle, and if necessary, put the employee on administrative leave.
Comments
But, when you remove your emotions from the situation it becomes totally clear that no one deserves to be abused in any way. And you are not the one causing this person to act this way. Then it becomes REAL EASY to put that smile back on your face, pack your things and leave with your dignity, pride and a new understanding of life.
I have also learned not to be ashamed of what happened to me - It gives me a great opportunity to be able to help someone else see that it's not right and/or normal and that you can make it in life without this person.
Ok, I am stepping down from my soap box - I need to get back to work.
Have a great day!
Shelley
JC-The best advice I can give you is to follow the advice given above. Everyone has great suggestions. Good luck with the situation.
I'm in favor of distributing the photo, not just to the front desk, but also to the folks by the back door (we had an enraged spouse come in that way after her husband was terminated), managers, and anyone behind you in that front door area. A temporary security guard is also a good idea. Make sure they have the photo also, and set up a relationship with them and the police department. The security guard can not only be present as a deterent and "insurance", but can also walk any employee who is concerned about the situation to their vehicle. (Make sure her closest friends/associates at the office are covered too re hostage situations.) The police drive by is also good. We also had a police officer come in and do a lunch training on not only how to protect yourself, but how to be more aware of the people around you, both for protection and to build recall for identification purposes (train yourself to ID height, weight, clothing, hair color, tatoos, etc.). A restraining order is a good idea, but a couple of years ago a local woman was shot and the bullet literally went through the restraining order before it killed her, so it's just paper. Also, the Supreme Court this last term didn't do much for the Colorado woman who wanted the police to enforce her restraining order. Lobbying to change those laws would also be a good thing for the long term.
So, with all of that for background, please excuse my little scream of frustration. Aaaaahhhhhh. Unless I missed it, we have some 40-plus responses without anyone suggesting that you desperately need to have your employment counsel involved. Why? Because some of the suggestions here may well get the company into a lot of trouble. For example, there are a number of court decisions that say that firing a person because she is the victim of domestic violence violates gender discrimination statutes. (Yes, men can be victims of DV too, but it is nowhere near as common.) In addition, state privacy laws may seriously curtail how much you tell other employees. At the same time, there is no question but that you need to take reasonable steps to ensure your employees' safety (including the individual whose husband we are talking about). This is a very trickly tightrope to walk and I don't think you want to be doing it without assistance.
Good luck.
Evan
(P.S. If memory serves, it takes an abused partner, on average, 7 attempts to leave to finally make the break. Even if the employee doesn't manage to do it this time, if she knows that you will be there to support her in the future, it will make it much easier when she finally gets to the point where she is ready to leave.)
The following is a true story and occurred in 1996 in Colorado Springs. At the time I was in Ohio going to school. My roommate was from Colorado where her husband was in the military. They had befriended a civilian woman who worked on the base who had finally "said enough!" to the physical abuse she was receiving from her domestic partner. He was a military man and also worked at the base. The young woman had a restraining order, but it had no jurisdiction on the military base. My roommate and her husband and taken the woman into their home and she was living there instead of on the base. She had a week to go and then she was leaving the base, moving out of state, and was to begin a new life.
Well, the bas****d got her anyway. Came to the location where she worked on the base, and called to her to come outside. Her friends and co-workers were afraid for themselves and for her, but she went ahead and met him anyway. Well, her life ended that day. One week more and she would have been free of him.....such a waste!
As to the poster's message, secure the premises, hire an "armed" off-duty officer, get a picture to the receptionist, alert the local police to keep an eye out for perp and vehicle, and if necessary, put the employee on administrative leave.