"You're in my prayers"

blw

In one of the responses to a religious type post, I think someone said something about these type of statements being inappropriate and offensive. I found myself in the position of saying that today to an employee whose father passed away and was thinking about it.

Just curious - would any of you really be offended by someone of any faith making a statement such as "You're in my prayers" "I'll be praying for your family", etc? It would never occur to me to be offended by a Jewish or Muslim person saying that. My beliefs are different, but I appreciate the kindness and thought behind the statement.

FYI - I work for a Christian based non-profit, so I am safer saying it than in most environments, but our employment policies and actions are free of religious bias. We have employees of different faiths and train on a regular basis against discrimination/harassment of all types.

Gillian3

You work in an environment where these interactions would be expected. In the secular environment, where there are different religions, we must try to create a workplace where there is respect for all - sometimes that creates a situation where someone thinks that their rights are infringed upon. Having said that I don't think that there would be many people who would object to the commentary that you described - even when from someone of a different religion.

Don D

Yesterday an employee, E. Pate, confided in me that her brother was terminal and would soon die. Sometimes a man can sense when a person needs a hug so I put my arm around her shoulder in the presence of probably 20 other machinists. Nobody seemed to notice and nobody asked for a form to fill out. Then I said to her, "I'm real sorry. I'll pray for him and for you. I hope you don't mind that I'll do that." She looked sort of blank and said, "No, I don't mind at all." Her brother died today. Maybe my telling her that offered me just as much comfort as it did her, assuming it offered her any at all, not knowing for sure. Anyway, what was done was done and there was no harm. I would have done the same had she had a red dot in the middle of her forehead or had she been named O'Haire.

Some people say secularism is the total absence and void of religion. Others will tell you it means the presence of no particular religion or a state where religious principles are not prevalent. I'm sick and tired of hearing those whose mantra insists on places void of all vestiges of any and all religious principles of every kind. It's becoming insane and may get worse. I don't care what your religion is or if you recognize one and won't tell you what mine is or if I have any. But I might pray for you or hug you if I sense that might be helpful. You can sue me later.

josieB

Don D, my sentiments exactly.

Rockie

BLW: I've never had anyone take offense at a statement such as what you've mentioned or what Don stated also.

The only issue I have ever had with religion in the workplace comes from "prayer type meetings", especially "departmental ones" that appear to have some type of supervisory blessing. Some employees do not feel comfortable with joining in with this, be they religious or not, but feel compelled to do so because they will be "looked down on as a heathen" or the supervisor will find some way to take action against them.

I certainly hope that our workplace doesn't get to the point where simple human compassion is seen as a violation of someone's "rights".

System

I would not be offended. I'd be very grateful and appreciate the sentiment. We have had a lot of sad events here lately - surgeries, sick employees, employees losing family members, and just the everyday problems that pop up. You will frequently hear people saying "I'll pray for you" or "You're in my prayers" around the building, and it has yet to bother anyone. I'm glad we feel free to say that kind of thing!
Last year an employee came to us to vent about marital problems, and he was close to tears. I wanted to give him a hug but wasn't sure if I should. Later that day I saw him in the hall and gave him a warm hug and told him if he needed to talk to find me. I didn't care what anyone thought, and as it turns out, no one was phased a bit.

deniseE

I agree that the sentiment is not offensive. Prayer is nearly universal in religion...it may be called something different and not require being on bended knee...but the heart of the thought is the same.

What would be offensive would be if the person took it to the next step. DonD, I'll use your example of the ee's brother...had you continued by asking if the brother had been Saved or some other denomination specific questions about the condition of his eternal soul....THEN, I think it would cross the line from basic compassion and good thoughts into something all together different.

Crout

Years ago my nine-year old son was sick and when it looked like it might be cancer we were shattered, and so I mentioned it to some people at the office. One of my employees offered to include him in her prayer group. Take offense? My attitude was I would take all the help I could possibly get from whatever source was kind and caring enough to offer. The upshot was that he got well, and the experience started me thinking about what we all want our lives to stand for at the end of the day, which led down a path of much deeper conviction. Dang, it makes me tear up just writing it.

ray a

Context can be very important. And that was the problem in the other thread on religion in the workplace. In this situation, telling someone you will keep them in your prayers is more of a common way of saying you will give them moral support and be thinking of them. Perfectly acceptable in serious situations.

Don D

I was chastised by a lady several years ago for NOT telling her I'd pray for her. She was executive secretary to the CEO and told me one day that she was to have surgery the next day. I said, "I know you'll do well. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you." She said, "No, don't cross your fingers for me. You pray for me." Sort of a twist to this discussion.

smaces_twin

I wouldn't think twice about saying it or hearing it.

Whatever

I know I have said it. Furthermore, on many occasions people have asked me to think about them in my prayers.

Parabeagle

As Gillian said, your workplace lends itself to such gestures and I'd be very surprised if anyone with whom you work would be offended. I know that I, personally, would not be offended.

E Wart

I agree with all the comments. When you say "pray for you" you aren't saying who you are praying to and I have never seen anyone offended by it, even if they don't agree with it. Usually if it is a situation that warrants prayer, the employee is grateful for whatever they get.
However, if you work for a VERY Politically Correct Company (which I have begun to hate more and more every day and I certainly don't work in this type of environment), you can say something like "my thoughts are with you and your family and I certainly hope you will let me know if there is anything I can do". Sometimes with this comment and employee will come back with "I would appreciate your keeping us in your prayers". This then opens up this earlier mentioned communication.
E Wart

mbeam

It will be time for me to get out of the HR area when I'm not in a position to show compassion to those that are suffering. We live in a litigious society - the fact that someone could sue Mc D's for coffee that is too hot proves that.

At the end of our lifetimes, most of us won't be worried about whether we showed too much compassion but whether we stuck too close to the policy taking the easier route and didn't show enough.

JM in ATL

Ah, to pray or not to pray... that is the question.

To say that you are going to pray for someone going through a difficult time is by all means not offensive. In fact, like many have said, is most likely comforting to those going though difficult times.

If someone complains about it, well then then shouldn't be telling others about their problems if they don't want their support. Plain and simple.

Now I have had to ask an employee to stop sending out emails to the staff asking them to pray for her and her family or whomever else she felt needed to be prayed for.

Nobody had complained about it, but I wasn't going to let it continue either, just on the possibility that someone whom she was sending the emails to would not appreciate such a request.

I didn't want to have to do that, but in the end I knew it was the right thing to do.

BTW - if any of you may ever need it, I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts.

Whatever

>Ah, to pray or not to pray... that is the
>question.
>
> In fact, like many have said, is
>most likely comforting to those going though
>difficult times.
>
>If someone complains about it, well then then
>shouldn't be telling others about their problems
>if they don't want their support. Plain and
>simple.
>

To quote Don D from another thread "That part of your post is very bothersome to any Human Resources professional read it." Just because a person does not want anyone prayers, does not mean they do not want support or empathy. The help we give takes many different forms (one of which is praying for the employee).

homegrown

[b]Just because a person does not want anyone prayers, does not mean they do not want support or empathy. The help we give takes many different forms (one of which is praying for the employee).[/b]

Exactly. I think the answer to this question depends on what part of the country you're in. "Pray" is usually in reference to Christianity. I can't recall the last time I heard a Jew, Muslim, Hindu, or atheist tell me they'd pray for me.

If you're in a diverse part of the country -- or a culturally diverse company -- I'd say best keep your prayer to yourself, and express sympathy another way. Laws and norms in this country are determined by Christian norms and morality to a degree many others find burdensome, if not offensive. Some groups have historically come in for some terrible treatment in Jesus's name. Though Jesus may be dear to you, the connotation is very different for others of different backgrounds.

So even though few will tell you "that's offensive" when you clearly mean well, a co-worker you don't know well may not appreciate the reminder of Jesus, however well-meant -- especially at such a bad time in their lives. I guess I'd say "know who you're talking to before you talk." If you don't know they share your values and beliefs, stick to 'I'm so sorry/my thoughts are with you, please let me know if there's anything I can do.'"

millie

Don D

"At the end of our lifetimes, most of us won't be worried about whether we showed too much compassion but whether we stuck too close to the policy taking the easier route and didn't show enough."

MBeam, whose brother Jim I have a casual relationship with, said this and I thought it worthy of reposting. Great comment!

dchr9203

NO WAY! When I get that thin skinned, its time to buy a cave in the Netherlands and go live there!

Paul in Cannon Beach

If you watch the news much, you will notice that the term "in our thoughts and prayers" is used quite often. I think the term is accepted as an expression of concern.

Prayer could be focused meditation without God for that matter. How could that be offensive?

Its odd how we "celebrate diversity" when it comes to people's sexual choices while simultaneously forcing our workplace and society to be spiritually sterile and homogenous.