Between a Rock and a Hard place

SingerDancer

I have been a reader for some time, but now reach out to post a message in hope of gaining some insight from you, my colleagues.
I have been HR Mngr at my current company for 3 years and have been experiencing a deteriorating relationship with the owner of this small company. He has a "my way or the highway" approach, calls employees the "a--h---- downstairs", employs yelling, sarcasm, bullying and contempt as his favorite communication tools. We've had a wage freeze on for 2 1/2 years, and in general, I am not able to practice HR in the way that reflect my values and best practices. We suffered 7 burglaries in October, for which I was blamed (disgruntled employee), and in general the last months have been in crisis. In November, I made a data entry error and paid an exiting employee $700 too much. This beginners mistake was the last straw. He called me in and said my performance was not up to par and he wanted me to find another position (this is in writing in a follow-up memo) Given it was the holidays, he would give me a few months to do so. Now, 3 months later, I am searching in the "jobless recovery" in No. California. My morale at an all-time low, as each day I am here I am aware that my services are not needed or desired. It's difficult to coach other disgruntled employees given my situation.
I'm so angry, I want to walk out and never look back, but also want to conduct myself with professionalism and dignity. If I resign, will I be able to collect unemployment, given I was asked to leave? On the other hand, it's tough out there. Should I stay indefinitely until I find another position? The emotional tension is really getting to me i.e. stomach aches, headaches, sleeplessness, etc.
Any thoughts?

Parabeagle

It sounds as though you have already mentally divorced your employer. As to whether or not you will be able to collect unemployment, it depends. If your departure is characterized as being by "mutual agreement" or you can get your boss to say your performance was not up to par (but not rising to the level of misconduct), you may be able to collect unemployment. However, if he hangs his hat on the $700 mistake as the catalytic event, I think your chances for unemployment dim (IMHO).

As I mentioned, I believe you have already mentally left your current job. Concentrate on the positive aspects of this situation: Your job search and the potential for a new, better position with a boss who is professional and values HR as a partner, not a scapegoat. Wish I could offer more insight, but I will leave you with this thought: All of us, at one time or another (unless we're very lucky) have had to work for a boss like yours. Personally, I learned that I was going to have to behave like a duck (let it roll off my back) or continue to put up with the ulcers and the depression.

I chose to become a duck.

Good luck.

Carey

If you're in California and you don't quit, you can collect UI. Only in very extreme misconduct situations do they deny it. You might want to talk to your boss - it sounds like he basically gave you notice, just not a specific date. Maybe you can agree on a date for your termination (not resignation) then you can collect unemployment if it will be enough to tide you over. I hate to say it, but there is also disability (the weekly benefit is substantially higher than UI). Not sure that you would qualify, but that would be between you and your doctor.

Cinderella

I would get moving on that job search. Exhaust all resources. You need to get out of there, STAT. Only you know what your financial situation looks like, so I don't know what to tell you in regards to quitting before getting another job. I wouldn't depend on unemployment though...if you don't have any finances stashed away at all, rely on it even less.
Would you consider relocation? Might be more jobs open in other areas. How do you conduct your job search? I and other formites may have some suggestions if you let us know what your current strategy is.
It must be very hard going to work everyday in that environment. Just try to focus on the fact that this is an "interim" period while you get your new job "squared away". Stretch, take walks, talk to a good friend, hug your pets/kids/pillow, eat a yummy dessert, do good things for yourself to get through this stressful time. You've had enough b.s. thrown your way, time for you to take care of you. xhugs
Cinderella

mwild31

Hi SingerDancer - great screen name by the way!

If you leave now, you probably won't be able to collect UI. However, you know your company best - if your company denied the UI claim & you protested - do you think they would show up at the hearing? It's a lot to risk - but, if your company doesn't know after you leave to follow through with the claim & the protest - it might work.

Here's my two cents on the economy - I'm no expert - but here goes. Unless the job has been completely eliminated due to technology or movement off-shore - the job's still around - it's just that companies aren't hiring for it - yet. It is true that there are more eligible applicants around, but the cream rises to the top & here's your little golden nugget - someone who's working right now & looking for other work stands (usually) head and shoulders above applicants that have been out of work for 6 months or longer. Use this time now to hone in your resume, see a personnel agency (they are actually booming right now in my area) and work on your interview skills. Personnel agencies are a great source (although don't pay them to find you a job - make sure the employer pays) for HR work. Good ones usually perform testing, set up interviews & provide you feedback once the interview is over on how you did - pretty invaluable information.

As to self-esteem. Right now, my friend, your self-esteem will just really suck. No way around it, no magic bullet - it just will. Know that, accept it & allow it to run it's course. It doesn't sound like it's a happy time - so why pretend otherwise? That said - you are in charge of your destiny - you are not a victim - you are a mighty HR hero - you will succeed. Have a good cry or a couple & then make your plan to change your future. Fine tune your resume, send it out like crazy, see a personnel agency, perform a budget & see if you can start at a lower wage with a company that's great. Put your nose to the grindstone - you can do it. Go get 'em tiger!

Don D

Disability? Gimme a break! There's no disability here. What a west-coast, awkward slant to milking the system(s). Yes, in California I am sure you could draw UI if you walk off the job today. They would rule it constructive discharge. No contest. Can you live on that? Go for it if you can. You mention what you call a 'beginner's mistake' yet say you were on the job for three years. It may have been a mistake, but not a 'beginner's mistake'. We don't know the details that your boss knows and maybe he SHOULD have given you the ultimatum he presented to you. We all have stomach aches, headaches, sleepless nights associated with our jobs. So what else is new? I recommend you leave that job and seek another and forget collecting UI or sympathy. Walk away from it. It ain't a good fit for you. Just my humble opinion. And I suggest that rather than bash me for my opinion, others give this thread their own honest assessment, my own notwithstanding.

SMace

I'm with you Don. I was shocked that an HR professional on this forum would push someone to claim disability, when that is clearly not the case.

Cinderella

I think claiming a disability when there is none is wrong. However, I wouldn't classify it as a "west-coast, awkward slant to milking the system". I WOULD call it milking the system, being dishonest, unprofessional, and oh yeah - illegal.
There are plenty of people who are dishonest on both east and west coasts, let alone the midwest, south, southwest, etc.
When I feel lumped into a category my claws come out. x}>

Don D

How in Hell's Bells can you wear glass slippers with your claws extended?? x:-)

Cinderella

VERY carefully x:D

Gillian3

Geez, Louise, or is it Louie. There is just a question and a comment here. If she is fired, she will probably get unemployment - depends on whether the agency thinks that the mistake was gross misconduct. I don't think that they will. On the issue of disability, she will only get disability if she qualifies for it - no matter how many people suggest that as an alternative.

HRsage

If you're this unhappy and working for a boss that doesn't seem to want you there then it's time to move on. I agree with Don, the EDD will probably call it a constructive discharge and grant the UI. But you can't count on that.

I see that you are in the Bay area. I was recently looking into relocating up there and was checking out some of the career opps up there. I don't agree that the ecomony is "jobless" in NoCal. They are out there, you just have to find them. Take the weight of your shoulders and focus on bigger and better things that are out there.

As was said before, only you know your financial situation and if you can handle the change in income.
Good Luck, and remember everything happens for a reason.

AJ SPHR

Since he wants you gone and you want to be gone, why not negotiate a separation package. Tell him you know he has lost confidence in you, and that you are searching for other opportunities but are restricted due to working full time (or something like that). Tell him you'll leave and sign a release provided he gives you a lump sum payment of ___ weeks and agreement that he will not contest unemployment. If you "sell" it in the right way, he may see it as an easy out for him to end the troubling working relationship you and he have. This gives you some financial cushion while you look for other jobs and gets you out of a situation that seems to only be deteriorating.

Good luck.

Rockie

I'd do whatever I had to to get out of that place! Life is too short to work for someone like this. Find a good placement agency and get moving on this ASAP.

I have worked for at least one company where I just didn't feel "right" about their views on employees and how the management tried to be subtle about it, but basically "set people up" to be fired. I decided, ethically and morally, that I could not be a party to treating people this way. The Administrator was the worst offender of all, but she later had a huge tumble from grace as she got the same treatment from her boss.

You need to take care of yourself...don't try to think about collecting UI or anything else from this monster. I don't believe he would offer you a severance package if you asked him and asking him would probably precipitate your departure. Go ahead with the personnel agency and do it NOW!

Good luck and let us know how everything comes out!

LarryC

I've always said, "The worst day at work is still better than the best day of job hunting."

Your boss is soooo similar to one I used to have. Just knowing that someday I would be leaving and relishing the "Day" I would hand him my letter of resignation gave me inner peace. In fact I used the happenings inside the company to fuel my desire and impetus to leave. That's right, I used the bull**** to my advantage. My "Day" finally came and it was beautiful. If he terminates you before your "Day" arrives, at least you will have your unemployment. But until then, there is no better time to look for a job than when you already have one. Just be careful about being too negative in your upcoming job interviews. Good luck to you and I'm very interested in knowing how you come out.

marc

It sounds like a tough place to work. Your description of the environment indicates lots of problems going on. Wage Freeze for 2 1/2 years, burglaries, and some sort of general crisis going on. The boss is autocratic, as many of them are. The "my way or the highway" attitude is not uncommon, especially in closely held or sole proprietorships. Combine that with a tough economy and you certainly have the circumstances for a difficult situation.

You appear to recognize the fit problem you have with the company. That said, you have actually been given quite a bit of time to find a new job. That part is a bit incongruous with the rest of the situation you describe. After making the paycheck mistake and somehow being to blame for the burglaries, the boss has still allowed you to stay for an unspecified length of time to find new work.

Although I am cynical, I also admit to being a silver lining kind of guy (shouldn't those attitudes be mutually exclusive?) and I think you should be focusing on the silver lining. The job you have, that is giving you so much stress, worry and grief, is almost over. You have the opportunity to take a bit of time and find a job that better suits you. As others have said, use this time to your best advantage.

Relocate if necessary but change your situation. Take charge of your job search. Others have given you excellent advise and motivational tools, which is the way of the forumites. Now it is up to you.

Crout

I wouldn't bother trying to fool a doctor into signing off on a so-called "disability." Instead, I like AJ's idea. Why not have a heart-to-heart with your boss? Without pointing fingers, just tell him that trying to maintain a square peg in a round hole (you) isn't good for the company and isn't good for you and your career. Make a proposal for administrative leave, or whatever you want to call it that will maintain your salary and health care for a given period of time to really focus on a job search. In return you could sign an agreement not to sue (not that you have a case anyway, but he might not know that) and promise to assist fully in a seamless transition. What's the worse that could happen? If he's the jerk you say he is he might fire you on the spot, but if he does you can collect UI with no problem. If he says no, at least you're no worse off, and there's no way he'll be shocked at the news you're unhappy. At least it's a positive step. I wish you good luck with a tough situation.

Carey

Who said anything about trying to fool a doctor or anything else illegal or unethical? I don't presume to know everything about someone by a few sentences on a website. I was pointing out that there are other options to staying in a miserable situation. She indicated that the situation is really getting to her. Job stress and other already present situations in people's lives affect different people differently. We had an employee who was so stressed out by her work situation that even after she left she tried to commit suicide. It was difficult for me to understand how it could have been that bad, but I don't know what else was going on with her, that with the work stress added on top, drove her to such extremes.

Shadowfax

I like the idea, in theory, of appraocahing the boss and trying to work out a separation arrangement - but be prepared to leave that meeting with nothing, not even your job. From what youv'e told us about this guy, I don't see him giving you a minutes consideration - but you are a better judge of that than I . I think I would look hard for another position and get out on own terms as quickly as possible. I agree, the $700 payroll error should not prevent you from collecting UI. Good luck!