Asking for prayers...

JM in ATL

I just received an email, from my receptionist, which was sent to every female employee in the company.

It was a story about her niece who was just diagnosed with breast cancer after having a lump removed. She was asking everyone to pray for her niece and her family. AND to also send her niece a card to let her know that we are thinking of her.

We don't even know her niece, since she lives out of state.

I personally don't mind receiving the email. If it is going to make her feel better to do something of the sort, then I don't have a problem with it. BUT, others might. Some people just don't do prayer or want to be burdened with other people's problems.

So, do I wait for a complaint before I say something, or do I just tell the receptionist that it is not professional to do such a thing and come across as the B*tch of the year, to tell an ee that she can not ask for support for her dying niece?

I'm leaning towards wait, and do something if someone says something (cowardly, I know), but I don't want this to become a habit either.

This is the kind of situation where darned if you do and darned if you don't.

deniseE

What does your email policy say?

How would you address the situation if she stood in the middle of the workfloor and called for everyone to begin praying for her neice?

i also understand the desire to be compassionate; however, such emails should be limited (if permitted) to only those that are close friends open to receiving them.

Parabeagle

I'm a big believer in the adage, "don't fix it if it ain't broke." Absent a complaint, you have no problem - unless you subscribe to the theory that this would count under the "should have known" doctrine. But even at that, if everyone remains silent and some employee goes to a state agency with a complaint, you have the defense that the employee did not follow your policy of reporting their gripe to the appropriate person in your company, giving you an opportunity to deal with it.

I'd draw the line at a request for a group prayer, but I don't see a significant issue with her e-mail. I'd err on the side of being a compassionate individual in this instance, given the circumstances the poor woman is going through.

I'm going to duck now because the PC types will be all over this.

Good luck.

Don D

It is very common in some religions and geographical areas for people of faith to form prayer groups. It is also common for them to ask others to add them to their prayer list or to pray for an ill family member or friend. This is a practice and part of faith that some people believe very strongly about. They feel very strongly that individual and group prayer brings benefits. No one means this as an affront or an intrusion and certainly no one has an ill motive for participating in the practice. It is simply an outcome and expression of their faith.

Having said that, I cannot imagine that anyone would take offense at her action. I would not be affronted if a Buddhist asked me to participate briefly in something of his religion. Although I could decline and would since I don't know the beliefs or hold them. I would look at this like I would when I used to go to the Catholic church with a friend or date and they would kneel on that velvet board rest at the foot of the back of a pew. I didn't know what it meant, didn't practice that myself, and simply sat still my seat.

No harm, no foul. Unless she has materially violated a strictly enforced policy on use of computers at the company, forget it. And if you are so inclined, add her to your prayer list. the last thing she needs is criticism or some hollow reminder or raised eyebrow.

cebudragonlady

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 01-29-04 AT 12:13PM (CST)[/font][br][br]I look at it this way - if the email about the niece with breast cancer ends up encouraging your other female employees to examine themselves, and saves even one life - it will have been worth it.


Chari

Whatever

I agree with you on everything. However, I don't understand why, if you are asking for prayers, you would send it only to female co-employees.

Don D

You're a woman...you tell me. We would have to know her to know. We could speculate that she might have thought the men at the company would laugh at her or ridicule her. We could speculate that this is predominantly a practice of Babtist women. We could speculate that she would be embarassed to mention breast cancer to men. We could speculate that she was in the trenches of sorrow and felt like reaching out to the one group who might be able to empathize most about a problem that is predominantly female. Who knows.

mwild31

Oh man! I know I'm going to take hit on my position from Parabeagle and Don, but I think you should let her know that she can't use the company email for her request. I think you can be compassionate about your approach to her, let her know how deeply sorry you are for her family's tough time, but that a request for prayer really should be made in person at lunch or during breaks. I think if you simply ignore it, then you open a can of worms, in that more people will think it's okay & their requests may not be as 'innocent' as hers - then you're in a position of determining what's okay, what's not & then having to justify the reason to the future offending employee. Also, I think it helps to have broadcasts of specific personal employee information, funneled through a certain department (HR) rather than letting anyone with an email send something out. This way HR can protect any HIPPA or other legal concerns. Just my thoughts.

Parabeagle

No hit from me, Mwild. Your argument is logical and rational, and there's nothing wrong with it (must be a benefit of the triple-shot vanilla latte) x;-). We just have two different approaches to the same problem.

marc

I agree with Mwild. We don't allow that sort of personal business on our email, we do however, have an electronic bulletin board where people can post a variety of messages. This is one of those kind. Bake sales, girl scout cookies, anecdoes, program updates, - all kinds of topics. So we don't allow it to be broadcast throughout our intranet for lots of policy type reasons, but we do provide an outlet. As a bulletin board, it cannot be gender or audience specific.

rad

I think asking folks to send a card is more over the top than asking for prayers. If I got this e-mail, I'd delete it. No one knows whether I prayed or not. But the card?

She's obviously in distress, unless someone complains, I'd leave it alone. I'm guessing no one will because they don't want to look like the office b*tch either. If she starts hounding poeple for a card, then you have an issue.

ray a

I tend to side with Beagle and Don. We had a male ee whose wife severely injured her ankle last summer. Many people had asked him how she was doing so he started to send out a periodic email address to "all". In his email he thanked everyone for their prayers for his wife. The first one,we saw no problem. But after several, we thought he was going too far and asked him to stop the global emails. It got to be a joke with some people. We told him we didn't mind him telling people how she was doing and didn't even mention the concept of prayer.

So, my take is I don't see a problem with this one email, but I would not let her give out periodic updates.

Rockie

I would take this for what it was - an emotional response to devastating news and the first inclination for some folks is to do just what your receptionist did - ask for prayers...that's evidently part of her faith.

Since this is your employee, I would just gently take her aside and advise that you do appreciate what she is going through and you are very sympathetic, but please don't put these type things across on global email. Alternatively, she might just want to simply ask some people she feels close to for the prayers.

Hopefully, your compassion would come through, but would prevent a "can of worms" for all types of personal stuff going out on email.

This is a tough one....

Cinderella

My mother has survived breast cancer twice. The only helpful thing I can add to this thread is that both times when I found out about the cancer I completely panicked. It is a very scarey and helpless feeling when a close family member tells you of a diagnosis like this. That being said, I can see why this person sent out an email asking for prayers and cards from people the niece doesn't even know. The whole situation kind of makes you act as if you're in a dark room searching for a light switch, you just kind of have to blindly reach out. At least that was my experience. I'd let it go.
Cinderella

Paul in Cannon Beach

Just to beat this horse a little further, I would agree with those who raise concerns about the precedent that this e-mail could set. However, if your company e-mail is used regularly for this type of request (i.e. my brother's broken leg, my aunt ethel's eye surgery) then you shouldn't single her out.

If her e-mail was out of step with your company policy and you need to talk with her about it, a nice conciliatory gesture would be to purchase an appropriate "get well" card and ask her co-workers if they would like to sign it. Give it to the ee to send to her neice.

System

Don't wait. Someone will use it as a precedent and your e-mail system will suffer from non-business related utilization. Quietly, pull the receptionist aside and tell her you appreciate the very serious circumstances but all your electronic systems are meant for business use only. Explain if you allowed it for her , everyone else would want to use it for their private purposes. You can let her know you sympathize---maybe you even said a prayer ( I know I just did)--but you need your system for business. If don't have a policy you may want to develop one-fast.

marc

We used to have these types of inappropriate emails clogging up our system and taking the time of all EEs included in the mail. Our solution was to have a training about our technology policies and to create a company bulletin board as a place to send these types of items. We do monitor to make sure the content is appropriate and have only pulled a couple of posts. It is not directed because everyone in the company can look at the postings. It seems to work fine and meet a need.

That said, even without the bulletin board, it is not appropriate and you have to draw the line and enforce it, else things get out of hand and you have all sorts of inappropriate content.