Thick Skin-- I am sure I will regret this..... :-)

Balloonman

The now retired thread on the athiest led to much LIVELY debate and some fun. (Yes I have a warped sense of humor) x:D Some people even might have been offended, and felt attacked. SOme points we all need to remember, tone, attitude and humor do not always come through very well with a typed message. If you don't have somewhat thick skin you are gonna have a long day in HR! If a topic reply gets you "blasted" by us, or that is your perception, think about how your employees may feel and react to that issue. Myself, I would rather get hammered on here, look at things differently, maybe I change my stance, maybe I don't, but I am more informed and better able to deal with a situation.
We will always have topics that we disagree with, that is because we are individuals and some of you do not realize that I am right, and you are wrong. x}> (For those of you who might have missed it, that was humor)
So let's be thick skinned and let things roll off us like water off a duck's back!
My $0.02 worth
DJ The Balloonman

ps. HS, I took your comment about taking a minute to discuss it on here as wasteful as pretty funny.

pss Don, I still have not recieve the picture of your daughter.

Parabeagle

Hey. That's humor, right? I recognize that. x;-)

Don D

I have had quite a few requests for either duplicates of the photo or her address, neither of which has been forthcoming. She is absolutely a movie star with a brand new 8 cylinder white Honda coupe and a briefcase full of Dad's money. Dad, by the way, has a nice oak cabinet with an unusual assortment of shotguns, knives and leather cords but I always welcome gentlemen callers to the house with an outstretched hand. There is space for several more grave plots beneath the blue bottle tree but I only mention that to let suitors know that they will not have that expense as a concern, should they marry her. I am in charge of burials in the family. x:-)

Whatever

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 08-14-03 AT 11:22AM (CST)[/font][p]The temptation is to say God Bless You. But that will only get me in trouble, so I'll say nothing. xpray

Parabeagle

How about (insert deity here) bless you?

sonny

Well said DJ, thanks.

And Don, how are the young ladies your son brings home welcomed?

When I told my Dad I was thinking of going into "Social Work" he said, "Well you are sure going to have to DEVELOP YOUR EPIDERMIS if you are going to succeed at that." Of course I had to run to the dictionary, but it is counsel that proved to be accurate and something I often remind myself of.

HRQ

Around 18 months ago, our company had been under new ownership for about six months (I was hired right after the ownership change). Our CEO announced at a meeting of the Executive Team (four of us plus Pres. & CEO) that we needed to break some barriers and speed up the process of building an effective and honest team. He felt like we were holding back and being "too polite" to each other. This was true - three were "veterans" and I, the Pres and CEO all started around the same time, so we were all still getting to know each other.

Long story short, the exercise forced us to get past worrying so much about offending someone or stepping on toes. We all have the same goals for the company and couldn't move forward as quickly as we needed to if we were all going to hold back our opinions out of politeness or sense of etiquette. The words "passionate debate" were used a lot, and passionate debate is exactly why the Forum is so valuable to me. Passionate debate should not include insults, and I rarely see what I perceive to be "insults" on the Forum.

This has helped me understand that, excluding Charles Manson, Ted Bundy, Satan (if you believe in him) or the like, most people have good intentions. When they voice an opinion it's because the issue is important to them.

My strength is not in technical expertise, nor is it in memorizing case law or whatever other backup there is to the decisions we make every day. My strength is in understanding people and their motives, and helping them work together.

The Forum is so valuable to me because every one of you possess strengths that I do not.

I do agree that when conducting a written conversation, you have to be very sensitive to how you may be perceived. On the other hand, you can't spend hours editing your messages on the chance that someone might be offended. x:D

Passing the soap box on to someone else now...

Leslie

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 08-14-03 AT 12:24PM (CST)[/font][p]Bravo to all. These topics become very personal, and I understand that when someone is trying to convey a specific point of view the written word becomes a challenge. And as said, if we all edited every word in every post, we would have nothing to think about. When I post a question regarding ethics, discrimination, or any of the million other hot buttons out there, I am looking for the diversity. Laws and policies can be gray, and posting stops me from making a knee jerk reaction based on personal beliefs that can turn that gray thing into my black and white.

clevahn

I have been addicted to this forum for about six months now, visiting several times a day when time permits. I have only responded to two threads during this time so I wouldn't consider myself an "active" player but I want you guys to know that I've learned more from this site than from any other resource I have at my expense. I've laughed out loud at some of your posts, I've felt empathy when I've read something that struck close to home, and I've truly enjoyed the professional debates. Just when I think I've solidified my opinion about something, another post will pop up to make me rethink what I thought was the "right" thing to do. Thanks to all of you for making my day, helping me to be a more well-rounded HR manager and for letting me quietly sit in. No one understands the stresses of HR like someone who has been there. Keep up the great topics, I'll be here right along with you.

Crout

I still say it's all Don's fault. Everything was going alone well until he brought up the prom dress, then all hell broke loose (assuming you believe in hell, and if you don't try working for my old boss).

bamahr

I have not had much time in the past day or two to read the postings. WOW did I miss alot. My thick skin was being tested when our V.P. of I.T. recevied an e-mail she did not particularly like - so she yelled at me.

I on the other hand thought the whole thing was amusing. I would only admit to all of you - I egged her on a little - it was fun to see her face turn red.

Sunny

I second Clevahn - I try to make time to read part of the Forum every day even if I don't have time to participate. I feel guilty learning without participating, but usually by the time I see a post, there are so many good answers I don't feel I need to chime in with a "me too." I do, however, learn much and try to contribute when I can and when I feel it will add to the discussion. As far as thick skin - I don't see how anyone can function in HR without the hide of an elephant. I'll really start to worry when I crave peanuts.

rad

I hear ya! If my skin was not thick I would have crawled in a hole a long time ago. There is a co-worker here who comes out with the rudest comments, many of which have been directed toward me. But I feel that she has very little to do with my work or my life so it does not even hurt me. This forum has given me the opportunity to read and try to understand the viewpoints of other people from all over the country, from all walks of life, who have many years of HR experience or are novices like myself.

I always try to remember that people react from their own frame of mind, they react with their lifetime experiences in mind or some crisis that happened 5 minutes ago. When I read these hot-topic threads I feel fortunate that I live in a country where I can speak my mind or disagree with someone without fear of reprisal, imprisonment, torture or life in a dungeon.

HS

>ps. HS, I took your comment about taking a minute to discuss it on
>here as wasteful as pretty funny.
>
Thank-you DJ, for it was truly just a joke. Will make me think twice about posting the next time though.

NaeNae55

HS

I think most of us realized you were pointing out the irony of taking so long on a subject to say it wasn't worth a minute. In my family we often jump at the chance to 'nail' someone like that. It was funny and appropriate. You just can't always count on people taking your words the way you mean them. When that person persists in believing they have been picked on, regardless of other witnesses' opinions, then there is really nothing you can do about it. But don't let it keep you from being yourself. Please! I like your comments, and I am sure others do too.

Parabeagle

I like HS's comments, too. Especially if they agree with my comments. x;-)

HS

Thank you, you have made me feel much better. I guess I'm ever the HR person by trying to make sure everyone is happy! I just have to learn that I can't please everyone and my sense of humor gets lost on others. It would seem that quite a number of you got my humor and the irony of the situation. So, I won't let it keep me from being me.

x:D

Cotterwood

Wow, I sure missed alot somewhere along the way. I'd better make more of an effort to review the forum more often.

But,,,,, to add my $.01 worth, yes we all have a different perspective and therefore I think everything written/read provides us all with a good well rounded point of view - other than our own. Sounds like Don may have the 'daughter-in-law' I've always wanted.

This forum is the best learning tool one could get!
Have a wonderful day all.
Cotterwood

mbeam

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 08-15-03 AT 08:40AM (CST)[/font][p]This forum is a great learning experience and much cheaper than our attorney.

The lively debate over a message posting among HR prof's shows that e-mail is not a replacement for face to face conversation or just picking up the phone. I find myself running interference trying to "mediate" between individuals when one claims "they wrote that message but this is what they really meant" (have found tea leaves, crystal balls and Bazooka Joe bubble gum wrappers very useful in interpreting true meaning of messages).

However, it's not practical in this venue so as many before have wrote - a thick skin is mandatory for anyone in this field.