Emotional Stress - and it's me!

TeresaBlank

Please help me, everyone.

I inherited the HR position, through default, at this small, family owned business because they had no one in this position when I was hired as the ExecAsst to the COO (the owner's 25 yr. old son) over two years ago. I began reporting to a new VP about a year ago as Mgr., HR & Admin so that I could "show him the ropes" about how we do business. Five months ago, we hired another new VP and again, I am "showing him the ropes".

Approximately 4 months ago the COO started freezing me out with his attitude toward me - leaving me out of the loop as far as general management meetings, making changes to the Employee Hand Book without including me in the discussion, breaking the handbook rules for certain employee without consulting me, etc., as he had done previously. The hostile feelings that I receive from this man are driving me crazy (I'm 51). I have even received e-mails from him telling me to "keep my panties on" when I questioned him about something. I don't know whether to go to my boss, the VP, and ask him "hey, what's the deal" and bring it to a head, or just leave it alone for now - I don't want to be fired and have to look for another job in this economy. Also, for your info, this COO has treated the majority of his employees like this at one time or another and seems to get over the "mad on" eventually.

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? If I do get fired (I have never been written up or even talked to about my job performance in any negative way, ever) what are my options in court - or do I even have any? From what I've read in this forum, I am not in a legally defined hostile environment - so what the heck am I in? Right now I liken it to an insane asylum I've escaped into.

Help

SmallBusinessHR

I was hoping someone more qualified than me would have answered your post - I am another small business office manager/exec assistant type who does HR, so I'm not very knowledgeable about what the law is in your situation, especially in your state.

At the very least, if you're not already looking for work I would suggest doing so pronto. As you said, it's tough in this economy to find a job, so get a head start. Executive Assistants with a solid background are actually a little better off at finding work right now. It's a position that is always needed no matter what. If you register with several agencies, you will be ahead of the game in terms of contacts and leads should anything happen later on down the line.

Telling you to keep your panties on is ridiculously unprofessional, but pretty textbook for small business office conduct, in my opinion. The general attitude seems to be that of a king/queen in his/her own little kingdom, able to do or say whatever comes to mind. Add nepotism in to the equation, and you've got a real stink bomb. You will most likely encounter more of the same, the longer you stay at this company. Print and keep all email that you receive of this nature, and document all conversations. Just in case. Depending on what the comments he's making are, it sounds like you are feeling some sort of gender or age discrimination.

You are justified in not wanting to be treated in such a manner, and you are doing your job in trying to enforce policy. Should you decide to stick to your guns regarding policy and treatment, YOU WILL encounter resistance. Is there a senior manager you can use as an ally? It always helps to have someone in your corner. Failing that, do go to the VP and discuss your issues. Ask for strategies and advice in dealing with the COO.

I'm not very good at dealing with bullies, but people tell me from their own previous experience that the way to deal with that type of person is to show no fear and fight back (in a professional manner of course).

And again, LOOK FOR ANOTHER JOB. That's the kind of toxic environment that very often winds up as a lose-lose situation.

Good Luck!

TeresaBlank

Thank you!!! You have made me feel better, already. And it is sad, but you are right.

Don D

Although I think you are in a hostile environment, I don't think it's a legally defined one. Most of us work for a jerk at one time or another and some of us, forever. It's just your turn! This too shall pass. Write that on the blackboard 50 times daily. He is no doubt crude to respond to you with the panties remark. He thinks it's cute. either ignore or belly up to him and tell him you expect to be dealt with with a little more respect. It's not sexual harassment. It's buffoonery! My advice is to wait for this to pass or either polish up the resume. By the way, what's being 51 got to do with it? I plan to be that old myself someday.

ritaanz

Don, :~~

Rockie

Number One: Start looking for another job. No one needs to put up with someone like this. If you are being "frozen out", you are being shown no respect for your position.

Number Two: Keep the "panties" email. It may come in handy. I would certainly show it to my boss (if you think he will support you) and tell him, at the very least, you find this type of behavior unprofessional and personally insulting.

Number Three: You deserve better. Tell yourself that. (See Number One).

kwelzel

I went through the same thing right around Sept. 11, 2001 and ended up taking a FML for three weeks. My boss totally "froze" me out of everything, including refusing to give me a salary increase that year, even though I had a good performance review and deserved the increase.

I went on prescription meds for depression for 6 months, and finally made up my mind that these people were NOT going to control my destiny. I know I can't fight them and win, so I've decided NOT to fight with them at all. I come in every day and do what I can in my position, and collect my nice paycheck every week. Some things have gotten better, but I know that I will only deteriorate professionally the longer I stay here, so I continue to look for something else.

It's not easy in this economy, but you have to pick your battles carefully. If you know you can't win it (even though it's not about winning), don't even try...you'll loose much more than a paycheck!

Good luck to you!