One large ripe watermelon, preferrably from Smith County Mississippi.
One long sharp knife or plugging instrument.
One pint any variety 80 proof or higher Vodka.
Two or three old mattresses or large cardboard boxes.

Position watermelon on picnic table, newspaper optional.

With plugging instrument or knife, drill a one-inch shaft/hole 3/4 of the way through the entire watermelon. Draw out the plugged part of the melon and eat it. Visualize Sammy Sosa's baseball bat and you've got it.

Pour entire contents of Vodka bottle into melon hole, allowing sufficient time for it to saturate and seep throughout the melon.

Lay tools aside, carve, slice, cut and devour melon with 2 or 3 friends; spitting out seeds is optional.

Brace yourself. Wilt slowly down onto mattress or into cardboard box until it settles. Sweet dreams.


Sign In or Register to comment.