Actual Humor(?)
Hunter1
808 Posts
[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 09-12-05 AT 02:12PM (CST)[/font][br][br]Thought we needed some actual humor in this section: I was sitting in a fast food restaurant over the weekend next to a blonde who was engrossed in her newspaper. The headline blared: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed"
She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to me and asked: "How many is in a Brazilian?"
Edit: Spelling
She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to me and asked: "How many is in a Brazilian?"
Edit: Spelling
Comments
Ray - At our age, we all get confused.
Dear Straight Dope:
How much is a gazillion, exactly? [email]--johnt@ci.carpinteria.ca.us[/email]
SDSTAFF Dex replies:
Million, billion, trillion, quadrillion, quintillion, sextillion, septillion, octillion, novillion, decillion . . . lessee, a decillion is:
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
. . . so there ain't no gazillion, it's right up there with zillion, bijillion, and uncountabillion . . . a made-up term.
Just so you know, here's the list of "named illions":
Billion has 9 zeros
Trillion has 12 zeros
Quadrillion has 15 zeros
Quintillion has 18 zeros
Sextillion has 21 zeros
Septillion has 24 zeros
Octillion has 27 zeros
Nonillion has 30 zeros
Decillion has 33 zeros
Undecillion has 36 zeros
Duodecillion has 39 zeros
Tredecillion has 42 zeros
Quattuordecillion has 45 zeros
Quindecillion has 48 zeros
Sexdecillion has 51 zeros
Septendecillion has 54 zeros
Octodecillion has 57 zeros
Novemdecillion has 60 zeros
Vigintillion has 63 zeros
Googol has 100 zeros.
Centillion has 303 zeros (except in Britain, where it has 600 zeros)
Googolplex has a googol of zeros
Okay, If ya'll are going to start with the blonde wisecracks, I'll go ahead and ante up before I feel like I'm being picked on - blonde jokes don't scare me anymore.
Blonde Football
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats behind thier team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumfounded, her date asked, "what do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like.....Helloooo? It's only 25 cents!"
(P.S. I am a blonde and I never have understood that game!!!)
Linda
Seven Degrees of Blondes
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is
really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."
Q-Did you hear about the blonde who arrived at her doctor's office with severe burns in her intimate area?
A-She was heard telling the nurse "how else am I supposed to wax? DUH! Everyone knows wax comes from candles!"