Out of control children

DeidreFR5 · May 2005

I'm appalled by this and had to share with you all. Last week they were giving shirts/numbers out to my niece's (8yrs) baseball team. One of the little girls (7yrs) didn't like her number and had a fit. Her mother tried to reason with her, and was then called a "b**ch" by the 7 yr old. The mother laughed and said her daughter would have a timeout when they got home. With that the little darling wound up and slapped her mother. Needless to say the other parents and children were speechless. But what bothers me most, is that before this Marissa would never had used the word, especially not to her mother, and it wouldn't have occurred to her to hit an adult (again, esp not mom). Now she has witnessed this, and although she knows its wrong - she knows its something some younger kids do.

HRCalico · May 2005

Not having any children yet, all I know about parenting is that it isn't as easy as it looks, and it does NOT look all that easy! That said, anybody want to weigh in on how their mother would have reacted had you pulled something? Most of you will probably say you would never have dreamed of pulling something like this, and if you started down that path, it would have been quite a while before you saw the light of day again.

I just hope that once my hubby and I are blessed with children, we will figure out how to teach our children to respect ALL authority - and themselves.

Can anyone imagine what this "little princess" will be like in another seven years? YIKES!

ray a · May 2005

Sounds like this mother does not believe in corporal punishment. Interestingly others have said that corporal punishment just leads to more violence, but lack of control in this case lead to violence. And I wonder if a little appropriate corporal punishment would have helped this mother maintain control. Not that much different than the workplace - both the supervisor and the parent must be in control and that requires the appropriate discipline. BTW, I have 3 well adjusted adult children, two of whom are now parents themselves.

DeidreFR5 · May 2005

Can you image hiring this child in ten years?

Dasher · May 2005

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 05-27-05 AT 10:27AM (CST)[/font][br][br]Can't even imagine hiring the parents! "The mother laughed" and that's the problem.

Corporal punishment is rarely (if at all) called for. You set limits and consistently enforce them. Unless she has a medical condition which causes her to uncontrollably curse and fling her arms about -- hitting those in her path -- she would be in BIG trouble, and would not be needing a numbered jersey, if she were my child.

Parabeaglex2 · May 2005

Such kids are not always lost causes. I used to dread visiting my brother and his family because my niece and nephew were ill-mannered, rude, combative, and downright obnoxious (my brother and his wife do not believe in corporal punishment). I could only take them for a couple of days at a time without wanting to throttle them.

Now, years later, my nephew is a an engineer and my niece is an accountant. While my nephew is a bit of a geek, at least both are now well-mannered, polite and upstanding citizens. Bad kids don't always turn out to be bad adults.

marc · May 2005

Children don't just spring from the womb using this type of language and behavior. Where do you think she learned this?

There must have been more than just a passing exposure to the exhibited conduct. Either a family member, a caregiver or perhaps unsupervised exposure to entertainment content. Whatever the exposure, it illustrates the old saw "...an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure..."

Now that the prevention opportunity for this particular behavior was missed, this child's parents have a steep uphill battle - a swat on the rear might not be some people's idea of the correct response, but in this case, I think it a logical consequence.

SMace · May 2005

The bottom line whether you spank or not is communicating the accepatable behavior, the consequences for not following it and consistency in enforcement.

The consequence can be spanking or other things. I think some kids respond to spanking and some don't. I've seen kids that can get spanked all day long and their behavior does not change. So you might have to take away their favorite toy or priveledge.

That child is missing all three componenets and we as a society are going to have to pay for it.

Superlative_KC · May 2005

Here's another appalling story I just heard last night: Precious 3-year old girl is kicking the coffee table with her tap shoes. Grandma leans over and says sweetly, "Honey, don't kick my table." Babygirl responds, "I'll kick your a&#". Grandma immediately and sternly replies, "That kind of talk is not acceptable." Babygirl says, "F___ you". Meanwhile, Mommy and Daddy, sitting right there in the room, make no contribution to the interaction. Babygirl resumes kicking the table.

I told my friend (Grandma) that she needs to start muscling up since it seems very likely that she will be getting her a&# kicked when Babygirl gets a little bigger!

JudyT929 · May 2005

Corporal punishment is not the dang answer! This child is obviously used to people cussing and hitting and thinks it is normal behaviour. I would definetly keep my child away from this one. If you don't want your children to talk or behave that way the best teaching is by examble. To this day my daughter, who is 24, won't even say the "B" word in front of me cause she's never heard me use cuss words and even though I've heard her say those words to friends of hers she respects me enough to not use them around me. I raised my daughter alone and never even spanked her, and she's grown into a responsible, respectable angel and yes I think she's perfect. ;;)

System · May 2005

The key is setting boundaries, followed by consistent and immediate consequences. I'd guess that this kid acts up many times a day without suffering meaningful discipline. Maybe it's an isolated incident and the mom was too embarrassed to think straight, but I doubt it. It's too bad the mom is doing such a disservice to the kid and everyone around her.

I only spanked my kid a few times, mostly to get her attention. I found it more effective to have time outs, sending her to her room, and removing privileges.

James Sokolowski
HRhero.com

LivindonSouth · May 2005

We can talk all day long about our personal theory. However, one of two things needs to occur here. Either the coach tells that parent that her child is not remaining on the team and is suspended, or several of the parents should tell the coach that they request reassignment to another team if that child/parent duo remain on the team.

The errant child and pitiful parent are not changing during the team season. So, it's necessary to effect change in another direction. Its no different from a school discipline situation getting out of hand. Either the principal removes the problems, or my child goes elsewhere. I do not believe in sacrificing my child or yours for the sake of whatever it is the social engineers think 'hanging in and dealing with the problems' will accomplish.

HRLASS · May 2005

I have no children, but I remember well what it was like growing up in our house. Corporal punishment and anything else our mom could come up with - and we were never "bad" kids. As soon as I read both of the examples here, I knew what would have happened with us. 1) Re the baseball t-shirt incident, there would have been no spanking. We would have been removed from that field to home immediately, by force - no game. At home it would have been either soap or Tabasco in the mouth and to our rooms. Further participation on the team would have been conditional. 2) At grandma's house, neither our parents or grandparents would have put up with the table kicking and nobody was shy about it. We would have been taken to a bedroom to stay by ourselves and if any damage or noise occurred there, there would have been a spanking and an immediate end to the visit. I believe at the time it was called "putting the fear of God into you"!

deniseE · May 2005

Sadly, there is no magic bullet. I entered parenting with an 11 and 12 year old. At first they were challenging, now I would say they are terrifying. A lot, I guess, has to do with a bad divorce. The kids learned to play their parents all too well- eventhough they were just 2 & 3 at the time of the divorce- and it has made it impossible for the parents to work together (parents fault, but a reality that must be dealt with).

Despite therapy, in and out patient treatment, medication, and everything else within our financial grasp, they are still monsters. They look nice enough on the surface, but deep down, I know better. And I'm sorry and disappointed, and scared.

one of the children lived with Dad (no corporal punishment) the other lived with mom-although she's bounced between houses more. (LOTS of corporal punishment). Both are a mess.

There is a different "key" for each kid. I can remember that disappointing my folks was about the most punishment that I needed, but my youngest brother needed more reinforcement. With our oldest we could leave him in a room with just a bed for a week and it wouldn't phase him, he knows it's temporary and it's not a punishment.

I just pray that they will grow up and be OK. They are now 18 and 16.

dchr9203 · May 2005

Some kids respond to the spoken word, some respond to spanking, some respond to removal of privileges and some don't respond to anything. Each parent has to learn what form of punishment works for their child(ren), and it won't be the same for all. I believe in corporal punishment (and let's not confuse discipline with abuse), and I've seen kids learn to hit when their parents have never laid a hand on them. It all begins from birth. I've seen too many parents think that precious toddler hitting and pitching fits is cute; not realizing or caring that cute as a toddler ain't so cute as an adolescent or adult. This is a teaching opportunity to discuss with your daughter that what she witnessed was inappropriate and unacceptable; discuss with her how she felt watching the interplay and ask her what she thought about the little girl's behavior. And hope and pray that you're doing a better job at raising your child than that mother is doing with hers.

dbutton111 · May 2005

Unfortunately, this is all too common today. My son used to show horses in 4-H and there were two sisters in his group. They would hit each other (punch each other - hard), cuss out their parents, even punch their parents. We rarely saw their mother, often it was just the father. There were a LOT of discussions among the parents to try to get them removed from the group. Finally the county agent talked with the father at length about options. He broke down in tears and told her that his kids NEEDED the group and that they were so much better behaved because of it. So, our agent set some guidelines, brought both girls in to meet with her, and allowed them to continue. I still see them from time to time and the girls have definitely improved. No where near behavior I would find acceptable but definitely better.

Out of control children

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