Mistakes on a resume

mwild31 · February 2004

These are from actual resumes:

"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.

"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."

"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."

"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."

"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40."

"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."

RESUME BLOOPERS

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

"Responsibility makes me nervous."

"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."

"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches."

"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."

"The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."

"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

"Donating blood. 14 gallons so far."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

"Education: College, August 1880-May 1984."

"Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse."

"Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."

"I'm a rabid typist."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation."

Parabeagle · February 2004

Those are great, Mwild. Have seen some of them before, but not all. Thanks for the chuckle so late in the day. x:-)

Don D · February 2004

Am sending to my college daughter to give to her liberal professors who fill the kids' ideas with the need to provide this type of drivel in the first place. Thanks.

marc · February 2004

Thanks for the chuckles.

Cinderella · February 2004

MONGOLIAN SHEEP? #-o I love it. I have seen my share of odd resumes, but that one takes the cake.
I remember getting a resume / cover letter from someone for an HR GENERALIST position who went on and on about their religion and how we should hire them because they are so devote. Hello? Bueller?
I received another resume where the person listed a book he wrote on, ahem, "lovemaking" as a qualification. The title of the book was, shall we say, a bit racey. We laughed about that one for weeks.

Cinderella

mwild31 · February 2004

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 02-05-04 AT 07:07PM (CST)[/font][br][br]I'm cracking up. What did your rejection letter to the author say? Was it the standard: "Thank you for your interest in employment with ______. We have reviewed your resume and have carefully considered your qualifications. While your skills are certainly impressive, we have decided to pursue other candidates."....

Cinderella · February 2004

I don't think we bothered to even send one...but the "skills" certainly were "something"! x:o
Cinderella

TALLEY · February 2004

Although I would not recommend listing allergies on a resume, I recently interviewed for a position and one of the first questions they asked was if I was allergic to cats. They keep a few on site, as pets, but for obvious other housekeeping chores.

Of course, it I was sensitive to cats, it probably wouldn't have mattered. The operation was located in a huge, old (old being the operative word, here) brick warehouse-type building that has no heat or air-conditioning. It was so breezy that day that any cat dander was blown out the cracks in the walls, I'm sure. They assured me that I the dress code was quite relaxed so that the employees could dress for comfort and that an electric space heater kept under the desk would keep me comfortable.

cebudragonlady · February 2004

Talley~
Did they offer you the position? Let us know what happened.

Chari

TALLEY · February 2004

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 02-06-04 AT 10:19PM (CST)[/font][br][br]When the owner called to schedule a follow-up interview, I told him, thanks, but I'll pass.

When we discussed salary range, he was extremely vague - such as - well, that's really hard to say. We're a small company and we probably would start you low and as we get to know one another, say after about a year, we'd bring you up to what we felt you were worth at that time. That's what we like to do, get to know our people and take care of them as best we see fit.

After a long history with a a small company and very little structure, I thought I would like more organization.

Searching for a job the past 5 months has been an interesting journey, to say the least. I would recommend this experience (just for the insight) to any HR person that has not job-searched for a long time. The other side of the desk brings a brand new perspective.

I just noticed that I'm supposedly in CA. Whew! The 10 inches of snow makes that hard to believe.

HRsage · February 2004

I just got a resume today that states for their objective:
"To find a stamble career that curlspine with my degree or mayor in school."

Now I know they meant stable for stamble and major for mayor, but can someone tell me what the heck "Curlspine" is??

The person is from the midwest so is this somekind of common term out there?

AnneHa · February 2004

My guess is 'corresponds'.

Geez, I really am from the midwest.

Anne in Ohio

HRsage · February 2004

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 02-06-04 AT 02:41PM (CST)[/font][br][br]That was my guess too just based on the context, but I'm still trying to figure how they typed curlspine instead of corresponds. :-?

Parabeagle · February 2004

I thought the curlspine was beneath the carburetor in a British automobile. I think it's directly connected to the dinkydoo next to the howsyourfather attached to the bobsyouruncle.

Cinderella · February 2004

this thread has gone pear-shaped.

(couldn't resist)

Cinderella

Parabeagle · February 2004

What does that MEAN? I hear people use it and I don't get it.

Cinderella · February 2004

It means "out of shape" kinda sorta how Americans say "don't get bent out of shape". Like the situation was a circle, but then it went pear-shaped.
Of course, my favorite "British saying" is "all mouth and no trousers" x:D

ritaanz · February 2004

I once got five identical resumes from 5 different individuals. The name was different but the address and telephone number was the same. They were submitted every other day.

The names reflected a female, a male, an Hispanic, an Asian and a German. I never did find out why.

System · February 2004

The resumes could've been from testers, trying to see if you'd call the man but not the woman or minorities, then they'd file a discrimination complaint.

James Sokolowski
HRhero.com

Don D · February 2004

When I was recruiting heavily for engineers, there were two 'places' in California sending me two per day on non-resident aliens. Each resume was identical, even though the countries of origin were varied.

System · February 2004

I often wonder if the feds aren't testing us. We had four or five guys come in off the street to fill out applications. Their "green cards" all had the same fingerprint! I wonder how their job search is going ...

Mistakes on a resume

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