OK, I grew up in Louisiana so I really just should list the creatures of God that have mistakenly ended up in/on my turf.Snakes (coral, rat and king), opossum (baby version), bats, mice, cats, dogs (not our own, but rather like that part of "The Christmas Story" where the hounds trash the kitchen), inumerable insects of all crawling, flying, creeping, sneaking, scrurrying types and of course I used to catch (I FOUND him, mom!)baby birds and hand-raise them to "adulthood". Screech owls, red-winged blackbirds, robins, blue jays, mockingbirds, thrashers and two squirrels. Now I live in Utah and the wildlife indoors is usually just spiders. I try to leave them outside since they eat other bugs and dislike mosquitoes much more than spiders.
A couple of years ago I woke up at two in the morning to the sound of one of my cats playing on the floor at the end of the bed. I shushed her repeatedly and tried to go back to sleep but she just wouldn’t stop playing! I finally got out of bed and flipped the light on to find my cat playing with a snake!!!
So there I was, buck naked, 2 in the morning, in a panic as to what the heck to do with this snake. I didn’t have my contacts in so I couldn’t try to see if it was poisonous or not… here in Florida you just never know. My first instinct was to try and catch it so I could toss it back outside from whence it came but was afraid to leave the room to get a container to try and get its slithering body in to. I didn’t want to leave it in case it was gone when I got back!!!! Long story short it finally stopped moving (with a little help from a nearby shoe) so I assumed it was dead. Again, didn’t want to leave it alone in case it got a second wind, so I scooped it up with a coat hanger and made for the door. The thing kept slipping off the hanger and rather than try to navigate to the door balancing a snake on a coat hanger… (YOU try it!) , (still naked remember) unlock and open the door then the screen door to toss it out, I flushed it! Tossed in a large amount of toilet paper to help it on its way around the bends and didn’t use that bathroom for a while, just in case it was lurking and waiting for its revenge!
I actually have an office in my basement for my "other career" and I spend lots of late night hours down there. (Very modern, fixed-up basement) Lots of mornings before work I would run down to check my e-mails, and I would see "crumbs" on my desk.
Because I work such odd hours, I eat at my desk, so thinking nothing of it, I'd lick my finger and pick up the "chocolate crumbs" and pop them into my mouth. Gosh, they were crunchy, never tried to remember what I ate last night, what the crumbs could be.
Finally, after repeatedly finding these crumbs and knowing I'm not THAT MUCH of a slob, I started to think a little harder.
I like driving the porcelain bus. Right up there with taking a porcelain cruise, praying to the porcelain gods, etc. Other fondly remembered euphemisms include upchuck, ralph, etc. x;-)
We've all probably inadvertently eaten more gross things than we'll ever know.
A friend's husband used to pick strawberries, grapes, and other produce way back when he first started working. Apparently, because there were no PortaPotties (or whatever you call them in your region) the workers would just urinate on the plants. Where else were they supposed to "go"?
Think about THAT next time you bring home some produce from the grocery store. I think I'll stick to fruit that grows WAY UP HIGH on trees. #-o
Comments
list the creatures of God that have mistakenly
ended up in/on my turf.Snakes (coral, rat and king),
opossum (baby version), bats, mice, cats, dogs
(not our own, but rather like that part of "The
Christmas Story" where the hounds trash the kitchen),
inumerable insects of all crawling, flying, creeping,
sneaking, scrurrying types and of course I used to
catch (I FOUND him, mom!)baby birds and hand-raise
them to "adulthood". Screech owls, red-winged blackbirds,
robins, blue jays, mockingbirds, thrashers and two
squirrels. Now I live in Utah and the wildlife indoors
is usually just spiders. I try to leave them outside
since they eat other bugs and dislike mosquitoes
much more than spiders.
A couple of years ago I woke up at two in the morning to the sound of one of my cats playing on the floor at the end of the bed. I shushed her repeatedly and tried to go back to sleep but she just wouldn’t stop playing! I finally got out of bed and flipped the light on to find my cat playing with a snake!!!
So there I was, buck naked, 2 in the morning, in a panic as to what the heck to do with this snake. I didn’t have my contacts in so I couldn’t try to see if it was poisonous or not… here in Florida you just never know. My first instinct was to try and catch it so I could toss it back outside from whence it came but was afraid to leave the room to get a container to try and get its slithering body in to. I didn’t want to leave it in case it was gone when I got back!!!! Long story short it finally stopped moving (with a little help from a nearby shoe) so I assumed it was dead. Again, didn’t want to leave it alone in case it got a second wind, so I scooped it up with a coat hanger and made for the door. The thing kept slipping off the hanger and rather than try to navigate to the door balancing a snake on a coat hanger… (YOU try it!) , (still naked remember) unlock and open the door then the screen door to toss it out, I flushed it! Tossed in a large amount of toilet paper to help it on its way around the bends and didn’t use that bathroom for a while, just in case it was lurking and waiting for its revenge!
I actually have an office in my basement for my "other career" and I spend lots of late night hours down there. (Very modern, fixed-up basement) Lots of mornings before work I would run down to check my e-mails, and I would see "crumbs" on my desk.
Because I work such odd hours, I eat at my desk, so thinking nothing of it, I'd lick my finger and pick up the "chocolate crumbs" and pop them into my mouth. Gosh, they were crunchy, never tried to remember what I ate last night, what the crumbs could be.
Finally, after repeatedly finding these crumbs and knowing I'm not THAT MUCH of a slob, I started to think a little harder.
MOUSE TURDS!
If only there were a vomiting emoticon......
You win.
A friend's husband used to pick strawberries, grapes, and other produce way back when he first started working. Apparently, because there were no PortaPotties (or whatever you call them in your region) the workers would just urinate on the plants. Where else were they supposed to "go"?
Think about THAT next time you bring home some produce from the grocery store. I think I'll stick to fruit that grows WAY UP HIGH on trees. #-o