Immediate Family

Tempest1 · May 2003

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 05-19-03 AT 09:26PM (CST)[/font][p]Our company bereavement policy defines immediate family as spouse, parent, grandparent, child, or sibling. There is no mention of "step-anything" but "In-Laws" are included.

This is the situation:
The step-grandmother of one of our employees has recently passed away - would you consider her "immediate family"? This is a situation where the families have been "joined" for over 25 years. Where would you draw the line?

Don D · May 2003

Your policy draws the line already. It should either be followed or revised to broaden the definition. You should not be granting deviations from this type of policy since it is one of the most frequently abused, misunderstood and griped about policies a company has.

LindaS · May 2003

I have had this situation before and our policy does not include "step" anything so it was not covered. Like Don said, you have the option to broaden the policy but you need to take a look at the long range issues in doing so. Be careful of broadening this type of policy because once you do, it will be never ending.

Don D · May 2003

I meant to add...In our last union contract negotiations at my prior company, they wanted out definition revised to include "Close Cousins". Whaaattt? The matter was tabled when nobody on the union negotiation team could get anywhere close to defining what a close cousin is or was. Basically, I think it was a weak attempt to have included any and everybody who has or might die that was known to an employee.

HS · May 2003

Your policy says it all. Deviate even once and you'll have to give everyone the same consideration. What you can do, is inform the person that, "Although we don't allow for a company paid Berevement day for this relation, we will certainly allow you to take (PTO, VAC) time off."

Deonne · May 2003

We are going through this same situation. I have a hard time with not letting the person take the bereavement for the step-grandmother. In this day there are very few families that do not include "steps" and in some cases "steps" are closer family than "blood". It just doesn't seem right to exclude them from the company's policy. I myself have "steps" and hate to think that I would have to take "vacation" in the event of their deaths...

njjel · May 2003

If the step grandmother was in fact the "grandmother" to the employee throughout their life, then they are indeed the only grandmother the employee has known. We would respect that and they would be paid. In fact in most cases we would not even know they were a step grandmother! I hope you at least gave her the day off to attend the funeral.

Don D · May 2003

Deonne: on the other hand, why would I care what sort of leave I had to take to attend the funeral of a loved one? That would certainly not be a major consideration one way or the other. You said "I would hate to think I would have to take vacation.....to attend the funeral". What's up with that? The only way it would make one bit of difference to me in the final analysis is if they told me I would be fired if I missed work to go to the funeral.

Deonne · May 2003

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 05-20-03 AT 11:09AM (CST)[/font][p]Don:
I didn't mean it to sound like I didn't WANT to use my vacation time to attend the funeral of my grandmother. I have taken UNPAID leave to attend the funerals of friends and family on more than one occasion and have no problem with it. What I meant by my comment about having to use vacation time was that I would hate to think that the company I worked for would ASK me to use vacation time to attend my step-grandmother's funeral. Our company policy gives three days of bereavement for "immediate family" and as someone with both a step-mother & step-father I would like to think they would be included in the description of "immediate family".

LindaS · May 2003

Our CBA is quite specific with regard to the family members that are covered under the Bereavement Leave policy. "Step" family members include parents, children and siblings but step-grandparents are not included. If an employee wants to take off for a funeral for a family member or friend that is not covered under the CBA, a "leave of absence" is granted but only AFTER all vacation time is used up so if an employee has vacation time available, they are required to use it.

LindaS · May 2003

I would like to follow up on Deonne's comments regarding a company REQUIRING or ASKING an employee to use vacation time to attend the funeral of someone who is not covered in their policy. As I stated in my last post, we require our bargaining unit employees to use all available vacation time before granting any upaid leave of absence for the purpose of attending a funeral.

Well on Monday we had an employee come into work and ask for the day off to attend the funeral of a family member not covered in our policy. The request was denied but he was granted a vacation day. Just so happens a couple of hours later another supervisor was driving through town and saw, what looked like, his bicycle parked in front of one of the local taverns. A couple of hours after that the same supervisor was coming back through town again and saw this employee, still in his work clothes, emerging from the tavern. This is a second shift employee and it was about 7:30 p.m. at this point so the likelihood of him attending a funeral at that time was slim. Nothing was said to him because he used a vacation day but I think this story goes right to the point of WHY certain companies are forced to handle these situations in this manner.

sonny · May 2003

Maybe visitation started at 8?? Or as noted in a previous discussion, everyone grieves differently? Actually, one of the neatest funerals I ever attended was at a bar. . but that is another story.

Seriously, I agree with the others. You have to define your policy and stick to it and someone will ALWAYS disagree. Our policy includes mother in law, father in law, but not daughter in law. We just had an employee need to be with a daughter in law (medical not funeral)It was not covered. As she noted, in her mind, the gal is her daughter and she would never have need for parent in law leave. You are just never going to cover it all, unless as Don noted, you just allow it for any one the employee has ever cared about. I have also had employees request bereavement leave for pets. . .see what I mean?

Don D · May 2003

Sonny: I'm very interested in your comment about the bar-funeral. I have for years kept a file at home labeled Funeral. Its full of narrative stuff I want done, like taking my casket up the Natchez Trace in the back of Tom's 1955 Ford pickup (although they will certainly have to distract the Federal Trace Ranger somehow), and complete instructions to my wife and children that I want a nice 'respectful' backyard bar-b-que with mandatory number 3 washtubs full of iced beer. I'm very serious about this. I don't want the few people who say they will grieve for me feeling like they have to snatch their neck up in a tie and a sportcoat with sleeves too short, or to have to slather on rouge and stuff 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack. I know this wasn't the subject of the original post, but don't we always sidetrack ourselves?

Rockie · May 2003

Don. You sound a lot like my husband. He hates funerals and all the "drollness" that goes along with them, especially people peering down at the body..."My don't he look nat'ral". He especially hates the parade in some locals that have a police escort from the funeral home to the cemetery. He wants an Irish Wake at a tavern with no viewing and all that jazz. I asked him if he wanted us to prop him up in a corner, but he said no, he would prefer to lie down and be comfortable.

He also made a statement about having a videotape made before he passed away telling everyone what he really thought about them and playing it at the wake. I had to draw the line somewhere - he might have something to say about me!

sonny · May 2003

I'm with you Don, spare the formalities and have a party, although my instructions do take in to consideration that should I predecease my mother, they can do the formal/traditional route for her sake. The bar funeral was at a beach bar on the Gulf of mexico. A favorite haunt of the deceased and friends for some 30 years. (also about to be torn down and replaced with a condo)Close to sunset, folks walked to water with beverage in hand. .told stories, toasted, released balloons, read poems Ashes were tossed in front of the truly most beautiful sunset I have ever seen (and I have seen a few). .The old ship bell was rung..Eventually went back up to the bar. Sat outside and listened to the band play his favorites songs and remininced (sp) some more. Non traditional for sure, but appropriate, too.

Don D · May 2003

I Love It!!

Immediate Family

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