Suspected Spousal Abuse

Patty Mac · May 2006

In all my 20+ years in HR, I have never had to deal with spousal abuse involving an employee. We have just learned that we may have a female employee who is getting abused. Has anyone had any dealings with this and if so, how did you approach it? Do we wait until she comes to us and asks for help? I am sure there are some privacy issues if we approach her first. HELP!

NaeNae55 · May 2006

I don't think you can approach the employee on this. Do you have an EAP? They might be able to guide you, otherwise I think all you can do is be open and available.

However, if you have a worry the violence will come to the workplace then you have a completely different situation. Is that the case?

How did you learn that the employee is being abused? Were you told in confidence, or is it just obvious when you look at her? Need more info.

Nae

Patty Mac · May 2006

There is no evidence that the violence will come to the workplace (the building she works in is pretty secure). Her supervisor met with her about her job performance and the employee blamed the poor job performance on the abuse. The supervisor offered her support and told her we could assist her with getting help. We do not have an EAP at this time. The supervisor has asked me "what we could do at this point."

dchr9203 · May 2006

Careful. Abuse situations are tough and volatile. Where one day the abused wants help, the next day everything's rosy. Keep the two issues separate; her performance and her excuse for it (the alleged abuse). Address the performance, and since she told you the employer (via your supervisor) that her performance was being affected by personal issues, then you can tell her that you'll work with her on the short-term but while you appreciate that her personal situation may cause problems, you still have a business to run and performance expectations that she must meet. Give her a timeline to resolve the performance problem, period. As you don't have an EAP, there's really nothing you can do but encourage her to seek help at a local abuse/crisis prevention center. Employers must be very careful about these types of situations, especially about offering help and advice, because generally they are not qualified nor licensed to do so. The flip side is, that as much as you may want to help her, she has to help herself and the employer must avoid falling into the role of parent or protector.

Patty Mac · May 2006

Very good points. That is where we stand now - to only point her to assistance should she ask.

Paul in Cannon Beach · May 2006

Patty, we use an EAP that is not expensive and has seemed to help. I would be happy to recommend them to you. Send me an e-mail: [email]paulknoch@cbcc.net[/email] and I will give you their name and contact info. Their services are available nationwide.

The previous advice has been very good. From my experience, abusive situations are very complex. Be caring but cautious.

Nancy Duran · May 2006

Paul, I'm going to send you an e-mail, I would like the EAP information also please.

By the way, it was a very good answer.

SMace · May 2006

FYI, NC has brand new laws that protect victims of domestic abuse in employment situations. I'll see what I can find.

Leo · May 2006

We do not currently have an offical EAP but in speaking with our insurance carrier, they offer 3 free counseling sessions and assist getting our EEs connected with participating providers. It wouldn't hurt to call to see if your carrier offers any additional benefits.

Paul, I'm going to send you an e-mail, I would like the EAP information also please.

LarryC · May 2006

I've dealt with this situation several times. I have the phone number of the local support group that I give out to those who are seeking help. I've tried the EAP route without much success. Putting them in touch with people in the same boat seems to help. I keep urging them to avail thremselves of the help group because , yes, they do come in the next day and everything is rosy now. I keep on them to stay with the help group. I also try to determine if the abuser is a danger to the workplace in any way and then take appropriate steps.

Patty Mac · May 2006

That is a really good idea. I will check in that direction also. Thank you so much. This is really a great way to network!

FrayWitzer · May 2006

Hi Patty --

I'm going to respectfully disagree with some of the advice you've been given, at least to the extent that the advice says that there is nothing an employer can do. I'm a Boston-based management-side employment lawyer and many of the companies that I represent have adopted specific workplace policies to help victims of domestic violence. (I helped write a chapter of a book that's all about how employers can help address domestic violence.)

You can find a lot of great information from the Family Violence Prevention Fund's site on how employers can help at [url]http://endabuse.org/workplace/[/url]

Also, I've made it a policy to offer my draft policy for free to interested employers. Let me know if you'f like a copy emailed.

Evan

LarryC · May 2006

Evan, I would like a copy of the draft policy.

I especially like the website you present and the part about employers partnering with local domestic abuse organizations. Sadly, this is far to common a problem and it hurts alot of people. Employers should do all they can to help the victims not only because it makes good business sense, but it is just plain the right thing to do.
Many times, the employer is the victim's only recourse for help.

FrayWitzer · May 2006

Hi Larry --

I'll need your email address to send you the policy.

Evan

LarryC · May 2006

Evan, I tried to send you a private message but I don't know if it went through or not. So my e-mail is [email]larrycarr@idcdoors.com[/email]. Thanks.

Patty Mac · May 2006

I would like a copy. My email address is [email]pmccormick@firstbancorp.com[/email]. Thank you for the information and the website.

kmc · May 2006

Evan,

Could you please send me a copy of you policy on domestic violence. We have wanted to include one in our policy manual for some time now and you are the only one that I have seen that has a draft of a policy. My email is [email]kathymc@csna.org[/email].

Thank you

Open1 · May 2006

Hi Evan,

I think what you are doing is fantastic, and I'd like a copy to when you have time. My email address is [email]hr1@rmillc.com[/email]. Thanks!

lee2 · May 2006

Would appreciate copy also. [email]lhall@cfcsyakima.org[/email]
Thanks, Lee

dchr9203 · May 2006

I'd like a copy please.
Thanks!

[email]richs42@bellsouth.net[/email]

Sally · May 2006

Evan,
Would you please email me a copy of that? Thank you...
[email]spettegrew@jaxsymphony.org[/email]

LindaS · May 2006

Evan -

I would also respectfully ask for a copy. My email address is [email]LindaS@Merrill-mfg.com[/email].

Thank you.

jhtnc · May 2006

I would like a copy also when you have time. Thanks - [email]jturner@tgic.com[/email]

Beverlee · May 2006

I, too, would sincerely appreciate a copy sent to [email]beverleeg@jessamineco.com[/email]

Thanks!

aliciac · May 2006

I would like a copy as well when you have a chance. [email]aliciac@dunnlum.com[/email]

Thank you!

NaeNae55 · May 2006

Perhaps with so much interest you can post your policy here. Then those interested can get it without you having to constantly send it out.

Nae

FrayWitzer · May 2006

If the HRHero powers that be are willing, I'm more than happy to do so...

Evan

Christine M · May 2006

Can I add my name to the list? My email address is [email]cdmartensen@olin.com[/email].

Thank you.

E Wart · May 2006

Add me to your list. I would love a copy of your policy,
[email]ewarthen@newcombspring.com[/email]
E Wart

System · May 2006

Evan

May I also receive a copy of your policy. Being in a college environment, this could be very helpful in a number of ways for us. This is a great service you are providing. My office e-mail is [email]mshelton@vw.vccs.edu[/email]. Thank you.

Suspected Spousal Abuse

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