Never thought I would have this problem....

HCCADC · April 2004

I am involved in the interviews and hirings of all staff in each of our departments. Last year when one of the managers and I interviewed we disagreed on who to hire, but we ended up compromising. Ever since that time, she has dealt with me with an edge. I am not sure what happened, but lately it has been enhanced. She is telling staff I have said things that I have not said (I have talked to the staff and cleared this up) and now she is telling the FD that I gave a form to an employee with the wrong pay rate on it. (I have the documentation, so this was cleared up also) What advice do you have on dealing with this person? It is getting ridiculous and I am feeling like I am back in high school with these games.

System · April 2004

Have you tried talking to her, asking her what's up? I'm not sure I'd pick every nit with her, but at least you'd let her know that you realize what she's doing.

James Sokolowski
HRhero.com

LFernandes · April 2004

Are you in HR? Like James suggested, I would sit down with her and try to find out what is going on between the two of you and confront her (nicely) on some of the issues.

It sounds like she's holding a grudge against you for some reason. If talking doesn't work with her and the situation doesn't improve or gets worse, have HR (if you're not) or your boss (if you are as the next level of HR) mediate a discussion between the two of you.

LFernandes

Pork · April 2004

HCCADC: Regardless of the past, we humans respond best to those with whom we trust. If you are an equal in rank, statue, leadership role you need to have a one on one discussion with this person. "Jean, I need your help, do you have a few minutes to discuss my concerns or would you please contact me when it is convenient, and I'll come to your location. I have a problem and I know you can help me solve the issue!".

When the time is appropriate jump in and tell her your uncomfortable feeling about your relationship and how the seperation is becoming greater. Let her know of her specific behaviors that you "see and hear", which sends you a message of dis-trust in you by she. Then put your best positive HR "active-listening skills" forward and gleen from her the behaviors that you must demonstrate to gain her trust and support.

After which your concerns are solved: either you can physically and/or mentally arise to the level of expectation or you can't. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT AND YOU ARE THE DECISION MAKER ON YOUR BEHAVIORS. You give and she takes followed by she gives and you take and a partnership is born in human behavior with alot of support from both parties.

Currently, you preceive there is no PARTNERSHIP and you don't know where she stands but you ASSUME there is no desire for a partnership or interest. You may be right, but you could just as easily be WRONG.

GOOD LUCK, may both of you have a Blessed day together.

PORK

HCCADC · April 2004

Thanks for your responses. I am in HR. I am the only one in my HR dept. My direct supervisor is the Executive Director and she knows that this goes on. I have tried to be friendly with this Manager, but even when I say hi to her, she turns her head and ignores me. I am not the only one that she gives this attitude to unfortunately. I normally agree with the advice to talk to her and give that same advice out, but in this specific situation it wouldn't work. She won't have any direct dealings with me, unless she has no choice, let alone talk to me. I guess I have a negative attitude about the situation and that doesn't help. We are now going through a problem with her and one of the employees she supervises. We had this same problem last year and it is happening the same way it did last year. Part of it is her attitude, part is that she doesn't like this employee and wants to see her get fired. Anyway, thanks for the advice, I will think about it. Have a good day!

JM in ATL · April 2004

Out of curiosity... what was it that you disagreed about in hiring a new employee, and if she has someone on her team that she doesn't get along with, why is that person still on her team?

Are you preventing her from terminating or transferring this employee? If so, this could very well be the reason for the attitude.

If you don't think talking to her will work then try writing your thoughts to her via email.

Dear Sue:

It is apparent that we have been in conflict for some time now. Not only is this an indicator of stress, it makes me want to scratch your eyes out. I wish we could just get along...

And conclude the letter with something like, I would like to talk to about this with you, let's meet on Monday at 2...

That way it will be more difficult for her to ignore your concerns.
============================================

The content of the above letter is of course not to be taken seriously

Pork · April 2004

HCCADC: Your manager is like one of our managers. I have had the very discussion and guess what she was not interested. Which led me to my next step which is to respond to her giving when she is ready. The General Manager to whom we both report has had it with her attitude and has taken all responsibility for leadership from her and given it to me. She handles accounting and the company books and three accounting people, who are like she, accounting oriented and able to shut the rest of the world out with numbers, numbers, and more numbers.

We do all of the social things, as always to make an office family operate, we just do not have to worry about her thoughts or concerns. We operate with her on the outside, but we are not going to allow her employees suffer. Her door is closed 80% of the time, but the accounting department is functioning and that is what counts, as far as she is concerned.

Good Luck.

PORK

Cinderella · April 2004

Porky Pie that reminds me of a woman I used to work with. She was in HR, like me, but kept her door closed 80% of the time. Most of the time she would put a SIGN on her door saying she was 'very busy' doing this or that and 'please do not disturb'. I thought it was NUTS that she was doing this - especially in HR. When her door was open, she had her back to it (the furniture was situated that way). When people came to her door and poked their heads in to ask a question she would just keep typing or doing what she was doing for an extra five seconds (which is a heck of a long time when you're standing there waiting to be acknowledged) and then slowly turn around and look at the person.

I wanted to thunk her in the back of her head.

Pork · April 2004

"CINDERELLA: I have been wanting to feed her to the hogs, you know, they will eat anything, even ours which are feed nothing but good ole corn from all over our country.

There are good reasons for facing the wall with one's furniture and it is an proven fact.

Mangers who do not have the ability to stop, what they are doing when some one is there, as you say, to converse, will get on with their agenda and shuffle papers, and say go on I'm listening. Oh how disrespectful and down right mean. Our manager faces the wall, but she still has the protection of a U. When you enter, she does not acknowledge until you speak to her, then she will continue to speak to the computer as if it was at the door. I was a paper pusher once until someone pointed out my actions as negative. I corrected the situation by facing the wall and when I finish what I am doing or come to a stopping point, I then turn around and work with the person until I am finished with their agenda. There are no papers to shuffle. I currently have a seperate round table with three chairs. I get up and move to the table to converse with the other party. If it becomes to social, I am known for cutting it off and getting back to work, there is much to be done in HR before Deer season arrives.

Additionally, an office will produce much more space with the desk against the wall.

There are good physical reasons for this setting.

PORK

Cinderella · May 2004

I didn't care that she faced the wall - the furniture was the "built in" kind so she didn't really have a choice. I just hated going up to her door, pausing for a few seconds (trying to be polite) and then saying, "can I ask you a quick question?" and have her just totally ignore me and act like I was totally ruining her whole day by disturbing her. I remember she had a window on her door too and eventually, she covered it with paper so she could ignore people's knocks as well as put up her nasty little "do not disturb" signs. Crazy to have someone like that in HR. She wasn't even a manager - she handled benefits and leave administration as an individual contributor. She hardly ever had people in her office so it wasn't for confidentiality or anything like that. She was just a wanker. x:)

marc · April 2004

Pork has given some great advice about approaching her. Our Exec Dir is famous for requiring people to first the confront the source of the problem. She will get involved only after these efforts have failed. Then it is time to mediate.

If you keep yourself on the high road and not let her dictate the terms of your working relationship, you will have a better chance of stress free days. Do not let her bring you down to her level, and incidentally, keep clearing up the misinformation that she is generating - this would be an extremely sore subject with me and I would use these as examples of the behavior with which you are having trouble. If she won't agree to meet and work on your issues, then ask the E.D. to mediate.

Rockie · May 2004

I'd try to talk with her directly first - sending her the suggested memo. If she doesn't respond (and she probably won't) and this behavior continues, I'd take it to the next level. This will continue to cause conflict in your organization.

If this is the way this particular manager handles not getting her way in every situation, never being disappointed at work, sulks, pouts, ignores people, etc., then she is in for a rocky road in business.

I predict she won't be there much longer if this continues.

Crout · May 2004

Good advice from all, but I'm just wondering what FD could mean....Funeral Director?

HCCADC · May 2004

Thanks for all your advice. FD is Financial Director. We are having a meeting with her this week for the problem she is having with her employee. The ED knows how she is with me, the Manager isn't much better with the ED (Her boss), they have problems themselves. I am PRAYING she finds a job (she has been looking for several months), but it doesn't look too hopeful. Have a good day!

njjel · May 2004

If your ED "sides" with your position you are in good shape! Continue to be polite to her and speak to her. Eventually this will work itself out. It always does. Now if the ED is on her side that makes it rough, but I would still continue to be polite to her to help work things through.

Never thought I would have this problem....

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