regrets,I've had a few

Mike Maslanka · December 2002

or so crooned Frank Sinatra.What regrets have you had in doing what you do---decisions you wish could be recalled,words spoken that you want so badly to take back,actions so ill advised you wonder why you did what you did. My mom said that all experiences are good ones,as long as we draw the right lessons from them.Regards from texas,mike maslanka

franfields · December 2002

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 12-25-02 AT 10:48AM (CST)[/font][p]My biggest regret was in a former job. I trusted someone I shouldn't have and confided my discontent with a member of senior staff who wasn't pulling their weight. (I wasn't in HR at the time.) I still believe I was right in my assessment of the situation but it was a career ending decision because they not only carried the tale but embellished it and added a few things that clearly were not said by me. I was fired shortly thereafter, the only time in my career, and this person moved into my office within the week.

I must add, being fired is something you never recover from. It has changed me forever. I keep this in mind every time I am called upon in a disciplinary situation. I always do what is right but, just as importantly, make sure I do it the right way.

Mike Maslanka · December 2002

fran,thanks. Back in 2001,my old law firm went under,and while we were dissolving the firm,I had a place to go to but I could not pay myself and lived off savings for 5 months.I never really understood what plaintiffs were telling me about job loss until then,and I think I am a better lawyer for going through it.In fact,I know I am. Regards from Texas,Mike Maslanka

NaeNae55 · December 2002

Like Franfields, I have trusted the wrong person with my feelings or other confidential things. I came close to losing a job because of it, but was saved because of a weird fluke that allowed me to figure out what was going on before it was too late. I was protecting that person from a manager too. I stopped the protection without doing anything to harm, and they were terminated in less than 2 months.

My biggest regrets always come from opening my mouth and inserting my foot. Unfortunately, I don't seem to learn the lesson coz I just keep doing it.

Have a Happy New Year!

Forrister7 · December 2002

My biggest regret is that my job as Office Manager/HR Manager leaves me feeling isolated from the rest of the staff, as there are so many things I shouldn't share with even those staff members I consider to be my friends.
My other biggest regret is that when I forget the above, sharing confidential information with those staff members who are my "friends" usually backfires and I end up feeling unprofessional and foolish.

Mike Maslanka · December 2002

interesting comments---hr does straddle two worlds...in part I think because it is often not seen as a key part of management by operations and finance...so,it is easy and natural to turn to the other world and blab when you should not...maybe the answer is to make yourself---as margaret morford likes to say in her training---a "big dog" with operations,finance ,and other execs...regards from texas,mike maslanka

Balloonman · December 2002

I am in Safety & HR now, and the previous posts were right, you end up stuck in-between or without peer groups. They don't tell you this in school, or early on, move up, and in many ways get isolated.

DJ The Balloonman

Mike Maslanka · December 2002

[font size="1" color="#FF0000"]LAST EDITED ON 12-26-02 AT 10:15PM (CST)[/font][p]Here is a regret from almost 10 years ago...we were picking a jury---actually we were representing plaintiffs in a discrimination case...the senior partner insisted that we not strike a guy who was a supervisor at his company but had worked his way up from the bargaining unit...i did not feel right but said nothing...well,we lost, and that guy was the jury foreman...because all experiences are good ones if you draw the right lesson,here goes:if you feel strongly about something say so,and if you are in a position of authority make it easy for those reporting to you to do so...as we like to say,planes crash beacuse the co-pilot sees the blinking red light on the console and thinks "gee,the captain isn't saying anything about it,so it must be ok,after all he's been doing this for 30 years"...regards from texas,mike maslanka

hrbanker · December 2002

Mike, I don't know that I would say this is a regret, because I learned a lot from the experience. I assumed when the manager said, "Yes, I've taked to the employee 5 times, put them on probation, and documented everything." that she really meant it. I showed up at termination/exit interview and the employee had no idea why she was being let go. The documentation consisted of the manager's notes to herself. NOTHING signed by the employee and she thought when the manager talked to her about her performance, it was not serious. Thank goodness we are "at-will". Now I require signed docs and a good paper trail before even thinking termination.

jmccormick · December 2002

I've had a few moments that I wish I could take back, but fortunately I didn't have to suffer too much from my actions. One that sticks with me comes from my Air Force days. Early after arriving at a new base, I was assigned as a supervisor in the operations branch of our Security Police organization. I had a previous unpleasant encounter with my commander before being assigned to this job and after that incident I had little respect for him. Whenever he did something I disagreed with, I vented my feelings fairly openly. What I didn't know, and what noboby bothered to tell me, was that our clerk was having an affair with the commander. I'm sure everything I said in our 4-person office was relayed to the boss. I finally found out about this relationship 3 months later. That guy could have hung me out to dry, but amazingly, didn't do so. Maybe he thought I knew about their relationship and that I could get him in trouble as well if he took any adverse action against me. Who knows. Anyway, here's the lesson I learned from that: Never vent your anger or disagreement with supervisors in an open office, no matter how much you think you can trust your co-workers. Assume everything you say will get out and you won't say anything that you would be embarrassed about later.

Jessica · December 2002

Mike,

It sounds like you've really hit a nerve here. There seems to be a theme about what, where and when we say what we say.

One of the best pieces of advice I've gotten (and the one that is hardest for me to use well) is to never speak about someone if they are not in the room. The idea is that you are inclined to deal with people openly and honestly and let go of the stuff that shouldn't be said at all. The times that I have been able to hold myself to the rule have been happy times with clean relationships. It seems to work best for me when I am having trouble in a relationship with a co-worker, friend, or relative.

In our business, speaking about someone who isn't in the room is just part of the game. What we can do though is try to hold the intention behind the advice in mind. It can sure help me keep my eye on the ball about what I really should (and shouldn't) be voicing.

Jessica

Patti · December 2002

I was a HR manager for 10 years when the CEO's daughter started as a file clerk. I had known this little girl since she was 9 years old. She decided she was to smart to be a file clerk (every one in the office was complaining that this girl was not working). I thought I could talk to the daughter and get her to carry her part, (wrong)! I had a team talk with her, and thought she was listening, but her mother (the CEO) cornered me two days later, and asked me why I gave confidential information concerning employees and financial status of the corporation to her daughter? I do not know where her daughter got this information. It was not from me, but the CEO's and my relationship was never the same. About 6 months later I gave my resignation.
Lesson: Family will always come first. Jessica gave the best advice "never speak about someone if they are not in the room". I will add, "Never talk to an employer family member without the family member present".

San Francisco · December 2002

This one is still painful to think about, but here goes. About 18 years ago, I made an incredibly poor decision regarding a sexual harassment investigation that ended up costing my company alot of money. I had to relive this decision when I was deposed after my company was sued. I learned to never base a decision upon whether it will create an operational hardship and never believe the employee who says that all he/she wants is for the harassment to stop. As I should have done from the beginning, I base my decision upon the action that is most appropriate etc. I think that I learned well, because although we have been sued since, my investigations and resolutions were able to substantially limit our liability. And I have never been totally embarrassed and humilitated by poor decision making on my part.

Regarding other posts, I, too, have learned never to say anything about coworkers or my company that I would not want repeated. Because it usually will be.

And lastly, I learned that it is absolutely essential when responding to people to speak in a manner that allows the person to retain his/her dignity. People will only hear the demeaning tone, not the "words of wisdom" and not much gets accomplished in the end.

Elizabeth

Parabeagle · December 2002

In the same vein as Elizabeth's post, if there is anything at all that makes me regret even going into HR to begin with, it's the fact that even if everything is done RIGHT in a sexual harassment claim and your liability is limited, you STILL end up spending a lot of money to defend against a groundless claim. It costs the plaintiff nothing to file -- and the employer everything to defend.

Mike Maslanka · January 2003

Elizabeth(San Franciso)---thank your for your contribution...it's always easy to talk about the things we think we did right but not those where we wish we could have done better...but as hard as self-reflection is,it is the only way to get better...Best for a New Year,Mike Maslanka

Margaret Morford · January 2003

I regret staying in a job where my new boss was abusive and mean. I stayed because I loved everything else about the job and was convinced I could win him over. After all, I'd worked for tough bossess before. Wrong! Some people are so broken within themselves that they are impossible to work for long term. I call these work situations "soul sucking." If I had it to do over again, I'd have volunteered for a lay off during a downsizing and moved on soon than I did.

Margaret Morford
theHRedge
615-371-8200
[email]mmorford@mleesmith.com[/email]
[url]http://www.thehredge.net[/url]

Mentel · January 2003

Way back, probably 20 plus years ago, I worked for a large manufacturing firm at their corporate headquarters. I was working in non-exempt recruiting and compensation planning. I was only a year or so out of college when I started there. I worked for them for about four years when the Personnel Managers job in the local plant came open. I did not specifically ask for the job but assumed since I was the next in line, that I would at least be talked to about it. An announcement was made that the assistant personnel manager for the plant would be promoted. He was out of school only a couple of months. My boss, the Manager of Personnel Services, told me that "the President is not ready to have a female personnle manager at our plant". This is a direct quote. I had employees asking me why I didn't get the job. I kept my mouth shut. I felt that it would have been bad for my career to get the label of being a person who sues their employer. Within the next year, the plant went into negotiations and I was put on the negotiations committee for the company. I ended up making the guy who got the Personnel Managers job look like a fool. I took over all the behind the scenes work (calculating wages, benefits, working with the Insurance Manager, etc) and I ended up presenting the final financial proposal to the union. While I got my revenge on this guy and showed the company, I regret not having brought action against them. For years after this, they continued to overlook qualified females because of the attitude of the top brass. I left there because they just didn't get it. I have forged a great career at a Human Resources Director but this is still something I regret.

blw · January 2003

I regret not getting a college degree. However, at 45 and an empty-nester as of this year, I don't want to give up the time it would take to pursue a degree now. I have done well in my HR career, but have this wistfullness at times. I am, though, going to study for and test for my PHR this spring! Barbara

Pattyoa · January 2003

Sometimes, only sometimes, my biggest regret is taking on this position. The loss of a peer group is difficult. Moving up w/in a company may be difficult for your peers, but how does one learn to deal with that loss. Looking for suggestions.

Quick note re receiving a degree -- you should ultimately do it for you, but there is real value in doing it. Never too late!

Gillian · January 2003

I think that our personality has something to do with it - some people can cope without having an internal group of peers, others develop enough of a relationship with others that it satisfies the need and others have to go outside - HR groups etc. Personally, at this point I have a couple of outside HR individuals that I talk to fairly regularly. A few years ago I was active in local HR groups.

Pattyoa · January 2003

Thanks for your suggestion. Re-building that support group, peer group, seems to be key to success in dealing with the change.

Paul in Cannon Beach · January 2003

I regret all the times (and there have been many) when I just didn't listen very well and was too quick to offer my thoughts. If I had just shut my big fat mouth for a second I wonder what might have been said.

I also regret the times when I have gone crusading and not taken time to think it all through.

I also regret the times when I was motivated by a need to be important rather than by a desire to see others succeed.

What I don't regret is that all along the way, I have apologized when my immaturity has hurt someone else and asked for their patience while I grow up.

Paul

BISD · January 2003

Years ago, I was told by a female administrator that it was lonely at the top. Before taking this HR position just this year, I was in a position with lots of contacts in the district and I never felt this way. As the HR person, I have been amazed at how lonely it is. Who is responsible for the work climate the HR person experiences? My boss and I were talking about this and I concluded that in this case "physician heal thyself" is probably the answer. It is nice to know that I have not just imagined this extreme loneliness and perhaps it just comes with the territory. Do you ever get used to it? BISD

regrets,I've had a few

Comments